I’ve put back on 11 of the 30+ pounds I lost two years ago. I stopped exercising and really thinking about how many calories I was consuming, and lookie there, it turns out that your body retains the excess. I actually thought I had put on more weight than that, so the strange part was that I felt a sense of relief as I looked at the scale. 11 pounds? That isn’t so bad, right? I can take back off 11 pounds and fit in my favourite jeans again.
It feels as if I have two sets of conflicting habits. On one hand, I have the ones that got me into this situation; the habits that pile all my calories late into the night and skive off exercising and eat the wrong things and too much of everything at that. And then I have the habits that I’ve slipped back into this week. The daily yoga or running in the morning, measuring portions, recording every morsel of food that passes over my lips on My Fitness Pal. The two sets of habits each grab an arm and tug at me as if I’m the rope connecting them.
Right now, the healthier habits are winning just because I want to fit back into those jeans.
It’s almost summer; it feels like the right time to let things go.
Beyond losing weight, we are trying to trim down the house. Get it back to its fighting size in regards to clutter.
Every time we do this, it makes sense to get rid of more baby things, especially the ones that don’t hold sentimental value or are easily replaceable if our life changes in the future. We have limited space, why are we holding onto things for a what if?
Especially things that make me cry every time I have to enter the storage room.
I told the twins over dinner that we were getting rid of things; old toys and clothing and books. They were upset — not because of what getting rid of those things meant (at least, in my brain), but because they didn’t want to part with their old things. We eased the idea by writing out a list of what we’d do with the money from selling those items; the fun places we could go by getting rid of these things.
That part is easy to do. The preparing of objects is easy to do. The only hard part is remembering the twins in each article of clothing; how upset they would get if paint got onto their sleeves. Or the toys that they played with. They pretended to be parents over the doll crib and swing, taking care of their boy-girl twin dolls. The puzzles and the blocks and the fake cell phones.
Someone had the brilliant idea of photographing everything we gave away or sold, that way, we could always look back on the picture. So that is what I am doing. Maybe one day I will also be able to delete all the images, cleanly cut away the less important tangible objects from their childhood. But right now, I need to be able to look back and see that once upon a time, these objects held meaning. They were important to us. They were emblems of how far we had come. And sometimes it hurts to get rid of those less obvious trophies; especially from a game where the only form of winning is a life well lived.
What do you need to let go?