I finished the edit for the next book, Apart at the Seams, on Sunday night. When I got to the final chapter, I went upstairs to tell Josh, and while we were lying in bed, the ChickieNob came in and asked what we were talking about.
“I’m really close to the end of the book… again.”
“Oh,” the ChickieNob said, “I want to stay up and party with you when it’s done.”
“She doesn’t so much party when she’s done,” Josh informed her. “She more collapses on the bed in a pool of tears.”
Not quite as much fun but it’s pretty accurate.
I’ve been working on this edit since the end of August. Four straight months, sometimes putting in twelve hour writing days towards the end. I loved the notes from my editor, and I think they ultimately made for a stronger story. But the ideas we brainstormed required rewriting about 75% or more of the book. So it was like taking a four month holiday with these characters again, and by three-quarters of the way through, I was sick of them again. And by the final chapter, I wasn’t quite ready to say goodbye. I’m terrible with all goodbyes, you know.
So I once again wrote the final words and once again felt as if my skeleton slipped out of my body, and I was just a mass of skin and folded organs. I went upstairs where Josh was watching the Wire. And I once again slipped into his arms and cried. I don’t even know why I cry at the end. All I know is that it needed to happen.
And now I still have two weeks to do a final read through before I turn it in.
The next day, we went to see Frozen. I knew nothing about the movie except for that line about how it’s not a blizzard, it’s her sister (which wasn’t actually in the movie). When people wrote about it online, I tried not to read the tweets and Facebook updates so I could be surprised. And we’re maybe five minutes into the film when the ChickieNob leans over and tells me THE ENTIRE ENDING. Like all of it. She had apparently read the book while standing in Barnes and Noble.
Even knowing how everything will turn out, I sobbed when Anna sang to her sister does she want to build a snowman. And I cried when Elsa built her palace. And I cried when Olaf said some people are worth melting for. And I cried at the act of love. I cried through the whole freakin’ movie. And every time I cried, the ChickieNob would lean over and REPEAT THE ENTIRE ENDING. As if that was going to stop me from crying.
I really loved the movie, and I loved the idea that we all have an otherness — either large or small — that both makes us unique and also makes us not fit in. I’m reading Wonder at the same time, and it’s also a message in that book. So I’m getting it from all angles.
I’m going to count all of these tears as happy tears. A goodbye to 2013 (remember, I’m terrible with goodbyes, even when I’m just saying goodbye to years). A goodbye to the Rachel Goldman books. A goodbye to the early elementary school years as we turn into the next semester which is the midway point into our late elementary school years. All sweet, wonderful things. So it’s hard to say goodbye even when the future will hopefully bring more exciting things.