Candy Crush is Killing My Phone’s Battery
At dinner last night, the ChickieNob admonished me for paying for Candy Crush.
“But I haven’t! I haven’t bought anything on Candy Crush! I don’t pay for it.”
(I may, or may not, have been gleefully commenting about how I’m only 6 or so levels behind a friend and catching up quickly.)
I swear that it was like encountering a mini version of myself at the dinner table. She pursed her lips and stared at me. “Oh, you pay,” the ChickieNob said owlishly. “You may not pay King.com, but you pay as you drain your battery and kill your phone. One day, you won’t have a phone and you’ll cry. ‘How did this happen? Why doesn’t my phone work? Oh boo hoo, I’m so sad because I don’t have a phone anymore.’ That’s what you’ll say.”
“No, I won’t,” I insisted, uncomfortably.
“So you do pay for Candy Crush. You pay for it… WITH YOUR PHONE.”
Oh my G-d, it was like encountering the Ghost of Christmas Future except that ghost looked like me (with more gaps between my teeth and browner hair). I wanted to delete the app from my phone and run out of the room screaming to escape my fate. Except that I have a horrific, crippling addiction to the game. So, that isn’t an option. In fact, moments earlier in the meal, when the Wolvog asked me what game I would play after I finished with Candy Crush, the answer was none. I am not getting hooked on another drug-like game, thank you very much. I will go back to reading books and crocheting and watching Green Day documentaries for the 6335th time. You know, things worthy of my big brain.
The ChickieNob is right. Candy Crush is draining my battery. It helps to go into my apps and formally log out of it after playing. By which I mean, while I’m waiting for the lives to regenerate so I can play some more.
She informed me that she was going to tell Grandma on me. So here I am, turning myself in. I am killing my phone for the sake of a match-3 game. Oh, and I just introduced the concept of gambling via Yahtzee to the kids.
Apparently my goal is to turn us all into degenerates in 2014.