Level 305 of Candy Crush, You Brought Out the Worst in Me
Remember when I said I was going to stop playing Candy Crush when I hit level 300 (since I missed my other promise to stop playing at level 200)? I lied*. Obviously. Since Level 305 just turned me into a pathetic, frantic, credit-guzzling loser.
Level 305 wasn’t that difficult a level, and I thought I’d pass it in a try or two. But one or two tries became something more like (cough) 20… maybe more. And suddenly I wanted it done. I convinced myself that I had to pass it last night.
So I went online to play because it seemed like the type of level that was less difficult online than it was on a device. (You know that, right? That different levels are easier online vs. on a device?) After a try or two, I got it down to only a few jellies unpopped; the closest I had come to winning up until that point.
I was so tired, and I just wanted to go to bed, and that is why I did what I did. I had those free Facebook credits they give you when you pass level 35, and I used five of them to purchase five more moves. That got me closer, but I still couldn’t clear the board. So when the offer to pay eight credits for more moves and a wrapped candy came up, I took it. I spent 13 tickets to get past this board. And the worst part is that I cleared it with one more move, so the other moves were purchased but unused.
After the board cleared and it allowed me to pathetically beg for tickets, I didn’t feel that sense of relief I usually feel. I felt like those times when I was babysitting as a teenager and I ate all of the family’s sugar cereal. I mean, yes, the parents usually told me to help myself, but I never knew if they meant it. So I would eat the cereal and then wash the dish so no one would know that I had gotten into their Count Chocula in a major way. Because there was a shame in it too, a sense of gluttony. I was there to do a job, keep their children alive, and instead I was taking food from their mouths. Well, not actually out of their mouths because that’s gross. But you know what I mean. I was stealing breakfast.
Candy Crush gave me the credits as a thank you, but that doesn’t mean I was really meant to spend them. And not on such a nothing level. It would be understandable if I spent them on level 350. But not level 305. I could have passed that on my own if I hadn’t taken it so damn seriously.
I act as if I’ve never played a game before.
There is no way (that I know of) to get more Candy Crush credits unless I purchase them. So now when I need a ticket or when I get to a truly hard board, I am screwed. I feel as if a genie just offered me three wishes and I used one up by stupidly muttering to myself, “I wish I had a camera so I could take a picture of this genie!”
I deserve it. I deserve it for playing Candy Crush so stupidly.
By the way, I’d like to publicly apologize (now that I’ve admitted to it) to all the families I babysat for: I ate your cereal.
* In my defense, I thought about quitting. But then I got confused: do I quit before I play level 300, or do I quit after I play level 300? I decided to go with after level 300, since beforehand, I would only be able to say that I passed 299 levels. But once I moved onto level 301, it felt uneven again. So I continued. It’s a never-ending cycle.