Candy Crush Injuries
So you know how when the Wii became popular, emergency rooms were filled with Wii-related injuries? Perhaps they are still filled with Wii-related injuries, but I haven’t heard about this phenomena in a long time. So either we’re getting better at playing Wii or newspapers are bored of writing Wii-injury stories. Regardless, I started to notice recently that my jaw hurts after playing Candy Crush, especially the timed levels. And if the timed levels contain bombs, forget about it — my jaw is el fuego after a life or two.
I realized what I’m doing to make my mouth feel as if it’s being pushed out of alignment while I line up candies, and it seems to be two-fold. One, I lean my cheek on my hand, grinding my teeth together as I play. Two, I get so tense trying to beat the clock that I press my tongue against the inside of my teeth. Especially my lower teeth. I will probably need a retainer by the time I get to level 150. I AM DESTROYING MY JAW FOR A GAME.
At least with the Wii, you are up, you are active. You are sort of virtually bowling as you dislocate your shoulder. I am doing nothing but moving around colourful balls on a screen. Candy Crush should be safe from game-related injuries.
The worst part is that I don’t stop playing, though I am now trying to be mindful of how I’m holding my jaw. To solve this problem, I am playing the game with my mouth wide open, as if I am locked in an eternal scream. Imagine my head tilted back, shrieking like Lilith at that skinny Candy Crush man, with no sound escaping my lips. Imagine Hungry Hungry Hippos with the button controlling their gaping maw forever depressed. Pretty picture, no?
And that’s how I’m playing Candy Crush from now on because god-forbid that I actually stop playing the stupid game. I am now on level 135 even though I said I would stop at 100.