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Talking about The Open-Hearted Way to Open Adoption

There are a lot of children in the blogosphere that I’ve known pre-conception.  I knew their parent(s) wanted to have them, and I read their parent(s) thoughts and feelings during the endless cycles or their adoption plan.  And then their mother was pregnant or she got the call that she had been matched.  Fast forward again and now a child is here, and that child grows up, and that is part of the legacy of being in the ALI blogosphere: we know about children when they are only wishes in someone’s heart, long before they’re here.

This book, Lori Holden’s The Open-Hearted Way to Open Adoption, is like that.

I’ve known for years that Lori wanted to write a book, a how-to manual that would make open adoption easier for everyone in the triad.  Open adoption is something a lot of adoptive parents and birthparents want to do, but there are few books out there to serve as a guide to the experience.  How do you navigate the relationship in a way that places the child — the only one who doesn’t get a say in the arrangement — at the center?

And then one day she started writing this book, and then she queried agents, and then she got an agent with her book proposal.  Her agent sold the book and she started to write the manuscript.  And now, many years down the road from that first spark of an idea, that book has been born and is in people’s hands.  Isn’t that crazy?  To know about a book when it was only a wish and then to get to hold it.

It’s an important book.  It provides a much-needed panoramic look at open adoption, taking the concept of openness and making it a mindset more than a set of requirements.  And because it’s a mindset, it becomes a way of thinking that provides you with the answer to any unique situation that develops down the road.  I would argue that the ideas in the book are applicable to all parents; not just adoptive parents or birthparents.  But, of course, adoption is the focus of this book.  From choosing an agency that is going to set you on the right course to even building openness in adoption or donor gamete situations where the birthparents may not be known or accessible.

Which is a long way to say that I’m ecstatic it’s here, and I can’t wait to watch it grow up, changing the face of open adoption one family at a time.

Congratulations, Lori, on a job very well done.

Please return to the main post to read more opinions on Lori Holden’s The Open-Hearted Way to Open Adoption.

8 comments

1 Lacie { 05.09.13 at 8:23 am }

As a mother in a very open adoption, I consider Lori’s blog to be THE BEST resource on the web for open adoption. I am really excited about her book and looking forward to settling in it after the school year comes to an end. Thanks for posting about it Mel.

2 a { 05.09.13 at 9:02 am }

I really have to get this book

3 Kathy { 05.09.13 at 9:29 am }

I LOVED Lori’s book! I had high expectations for it and she managed to exceed them. I share your perspective that there are lots of helpful lessons to be learned about parenting in general, not just adoptive parenting, from this book. It was awesome for me as well to get to walk with Lori on her journey to write and get her book published. I am so proud of and inspired by her to finish my own writing project/book proposal. I am so excited to be part of this book tour/discussion and look forward to seeing what others thought of and learned from The Open-Hearted Way to Open Adoption! Thank you for hosting and all you have done to mentor and help your dear friend get where she is today and this book in my hands, as well as so many others who will benefitting from reading it!

4 m. { 05.09.13 at 11:07 am }

Yes, this:

“I’m ecstatic it’s here, and I can’t wait to watch it grow up, changing the face of open adoption one family at a time.”

It IS so very cool to see something go from, “I think this is something that doesn’t exist but should,” to something I can actually order on Amazon. Go Lori!! So proud of you and your “baby”!

5 April { 05.09.13 at 7:24 pm }

I enjoyed the book and found it to be an excellent guide in explaining open adoption. It helped me understand the concept much more clearly.

6 Alicia { 05.10.13 at 12:00 am }

I loved this book so much! It normalized open adoption in my mind – made me feel like we were on the right path. There are not a lot of resources out there for living open adoption … it really is a winging it type thing, which can be scary, especially for those of us new to the game.

I agree that the book is applicable to all parents, not just parents as part of open adoptions. Being open hearted is the way to be in all of our relationships – the more wide open we are, the more we can love and be loved back. Most importantly, the more we can allow love to infiltrate our children’s lives and see how good diverse relationships are for them.

Thanks for organizing this for us Mel! Very “shit together” of you. :)

7 loribeth { 05.10.13 at 10:04 am }

I am sorry I didn’t get my sh!t together in time to get & read a copy & join in this discussion. :p But I am looking forward to reading Lori’s book soon. Even though, at our ages, we are past the point of wanting to tackle parenthood, I find the subject fascinating & I know Lori has so much to teach all of us about it. :)

8 Lori Lavender Luz { 05.10.13 at 11:14 am }

All right, you guys. Mel’s post and all your comments have me blubbering like a baby. Because yes, this:

“Isn’t that crazy? To know about a book when it was only a wish and then to get to hold it.”

To know that the baby is well-received by those you had in mind during it’s conception? (Okay, the analogy isn’t working so great here.)

It’s an amazing, overwhelming feeling.

Namaste, Mel. And Lacie, A, Kathy, m, April Alicia, Loribeth.

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