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Oral Sex Question

Something I’ve noticed, in the genre of women’s fiction, is that it is sorely lacking in amusing oral sex stories.  Real women tell amusing oral sex stories to each other, and yet I haven’t found women in any chicklit book recounting a particularly story-worthy oral sex experience.  I’ve found actual accounts of oral sex in 50 Shades of Grey (actually, I’m just assuming they were there.  Those books went through me like water; I’ve retained nothing from my long sojourn with them… isn’t that sad?).  I’ve found realistic penal-vaginal sex in the missionary position being performed by many a heroine in straightforward chicklit.

But I’ve yet to find a scene where a group of women are sitting around a table, talking about the first blow job they gave back at summer camp.

And I guess I am polling all of you to ask if there is a reason for this.

Is there no oral sex talk because finding it in a chicklit book, recounted as part of an amusing conversation, would be a major turnoff that would take you mentally out of the book?

Or is there no oral sex talk because by weird coincidence, no author has thought about adding in a scene where people are talking about oral sex?

I’m asking because I have a scene in my book, Apart at the Seams, which is due in June and coming out in 2014 (the sideways sequel to Measure of Love, which will be out in April!), where the character recounts an amusing tale about oral sex.  I asked Josh if it was too much.  I didn’t want to slap a penis onto my book and turn it into something along the lines of There’s Something About Mary, but women DO talk about oral sex so it seemed natural to have this story fall in the book where it falls in the book.

So, since I seem to have no internal appropriateness barometer, how would you react to a tale of oral sex in the middle of a (non-erotica) chicklit book?  Please be honest. 

You can leave your comment as anonymous if you don’t wish to have your name attached for everyone else to see in the comment section.


1 Laughing Anonymously { 03.06.13 at 8:00 am }

I might not be the best judge, but I think it would be hilarious. Maybe those stories aren’t there for the same reason people will probably be anonymous here. Embarrassed? Don’t want to semi-publicly humiliate themselves or the perhaps-less-than-lucky recipient?

2 ruben { 03.06.13 at 8:07 am }

I don’t think you should worry–it sounds like a funny moment. The only thing that gives me pause is tone. Does this moment seem out of place in the context/humor of the book as a whole? If not, keep it!

3 Heidi { 03.06.13 at 8:24 am }

Though I have never preformed oral sex on a man (I’m a gold star lesbian) I think it would be perfect! I like real life books. The majority of my friends are straight and I have heard tons of funny oral sex stories!! Do it!!!!

4 Anon { 03.06.13 at 8:46 am }

Entirely realistic, but only if it includes tales of mishaps and ridiculous things like gag reflexes and such.

5 lostintranslation { 03.06.13 at 8:54 am }

Ha! I must admit I have never had oral sex conversations with friends… But I do have a chicklit title for you which has a passage about two girls talking about oral sex (what I remember from it is something like “oh, you weren’t supposed to swallow…?”). It’s “Summer Sisters” by Judy Blume.

6 nonsequiturchica { 03.06.13 at 9:39 am }

Would not have a problem with it in the least bit and depending on the story, would likely find it hilarious. 🙂

7 Chickenpig { 03.06.13 at 9:47 am }

I think it is very appropriate. In ‘Sex and the City’ the girls got together and chatted about sex all the time. I think it is funny 🙂

8 a { 03.06.13 at 9:51 am }

I don’t know – for me, an oral sex conversation generally lasts a minute or two (if that) and then we get bored and move on to another topic of conversation. So…maybe it’s just not that interesting? In my copious consumption of trashy fiction, there is often mention of oral sex (i.e. “she took him into her mouth and he groaned…”) but unless you’re making it a tale of things gone hilariously wrong, what else is there to say? Or maybe I’m just not imaginative enough.

I was watching End of Watch last night (weird, sad, violent, but also good and interesting), and there was a scene where one wife was giving advice to the new bride about keeping the spice in the marriage. It was probably 30 seconds to a minute of film where the woman was describing things and making hand and mouth gestures, and it was awesome and hilarious – because the husbands were mortified and because it reminded me of a friend of mine who does exactly the same things.

9 April { 03.06.13 at 9:58 am }

I wouldn’t find it weird at all. I know that I’ve talked about things like that with other female friends before, the topic is discussed, stories are told, and then we move on. It wouldn’t stop me from reading the book or change how I looked at the book.

10 Heather { 03.06.13 at 10:31 am }

I would find it hilarious. I don’t know why it isn’t in a lot of fiction. Of course some of the fiction I read it wouldn’t be appropriate. Can you imagine Herminoe talking to Ginny about such things?!
However, if it’s in a chick lit book, sure.
Also, when I read this post the first scene that popped into my head was the one in Fast Times at Ridgemont high where Phoebe Cates gives Jennifer Jason Leigh a lesson using carrots. In the lunchroom.

11 Michaela { 03.06.13 at 10:33 am }

I think it would be hysterical!

I remember the 1st time I saw the book “Tickle His Pickle” and I was so proud of myself that I did a lot of the recommended “moves”.

12 Ellen K. { 03.06.13 at 11:35 am }

I am just going to email you separately. : )

13 Ellen { 03.06.13 at 12:32 pm }

Eh, I’ll just post it here. Editors have all sorts of rules for sex scenes and allusions to sex. You can show a funny conversation about oral sex if the only people in the conversation are of the same sex or same preference (e.g., straight women plus gay men; never EVER straight women and straight men), if you have at least three characters so the conversation doesn’t slip into emotionally intimate talk, and if the main character or heroine doesn’t supply the first graphic details (best if she doesn’t get as detailed, period). Let the friends bring the crazy. This follows the modern romance/chick lit rule of tempering the heroine’s “past” by contrasting her with others; if the reader is tempted to be judgmental, he/she will have to acknowledge that the heroine is at least more virtuous than her friend, or less absolutely boring than the most conservative person in the group. Under no circumstances can the heroine joke about her most recent partner unless they are divorced with no chance of getting back together and unless there is a new guy on the scene who will be a better match.

These rules are fairly natural. I’ve only ever had funny conversations about sex with other women or gay men, and usually the most flamboyant person speaks first (or the quiet one who is drunk and has let her guard down, surprising everyone). I know a lot of people ripped on SATC for its depictions of women talking about sex, saying that these women were talking like gay men, not straight women. I think those characters were maybe a little louder than most people would be at Sunday brunch, but the conversations seemed accurate in flow and in character.

14 Tiara { 03.06.13 at 12:33 pm }

Knowing your writing, I imagine it would be hilarious! I’d love it! I mean come on, in my over full list of posts to read in my Reader, I jumped right to this one!!!

15 Mali { 03.06.13 at 4:51 pm }

I can honestly say I don’t think I’ve ever had a conversation about oral sex. Perhaps that is a cultural thing. It seems to be referred to in US movies/TV shows/books etc much more than I’ve encountered anywhere else.

I guess I was also disappointed to see that the oral sex you referred to was the typical one we see portrayed in the media, ie female pleasuring male, rather than the other way round. The old feminist in me shrugs.

16 Rachel { 03.06.13 at 5:08 pm }

I think it would be awesome!

17 Guera { 03.06.13 at 8:23 pm }

Only 16 comments so far? Damn…I had just settled in for some good reading.
I am still waiting for someone to teach me to do it properly…if the scene in your book includes some sort of instruction I’m in!

18 GeekChic { 03.06.13 at 9:49 pm }

“Real women tell amusing oral sex stories to each other”

They do? 😉 I’m at least comforted that some other commenters haven’t had such conversations in real life either….

That said, a scene like you describe wouldn’t bother me in a book as long as it was in context.

19 Queenie { 03.06.13 at 9:50 pm }

I, too, thought you were talking about women receiving rather than giving. Not that it really matters for purposes of you’re question. But I’ve definitely never seen a funny female receiving oral sex story in chick lit. You should totally write one. . Honestly, who is your target audience? I haven’t heard a funny oral sex sorry of any variety since I was in my 20’a or maybe early 30’s. do people still have funny sex stories after that that they share?

20 Queenie { 03.06.13 at 9:53 pm }

One again, I am a smartphone disaster. I meant, do people still share funny sex stories after age 35? Mine don’t. Maybe I need more interesting friends!

21 deathstar { 03.06.13 at 11:42 pm }

I think it would be great. It would even be better if they would talk about Colonel Angus, but that’s just me.

22 luna { 03.06.13 at 11:54 pm }

I had plenty of conversations when we were younger. but yeah, I don’t think many people share those types of things after a certain age, or maybe after a certain length of time in a relationship? maybe it’s more of a single/dating girl kind of convo? or like a best friend in which case it would have to be an intimate moment. if you can write it real, I’m sure it would be funny.

23 A Passage to Baby { 03.08.13 at 8:55 pm }

Generally speaking – I honestly can’t remember having a conversation with my girl friends over oral sex. Which is super interesting given that I’ve worked some shady places and have had some raunchy friends.
On more reflection, maybe I don’t remember the conversations because it’s not something I would necessarily join in on. I don’t know why, no one would dare call me prude, but I guess it just seemed so unnatural for me to talk about with anyone but lovers. Perhaps this is because you DON’T see it mentioned by women in non-erotica books/movies. “The Sweetest Thing” was a movie that seem to touch on topics that seemed a bit different from most chick-flicks and I absolutely adored it.

Long story short – it is your DUTY to include it. Maybe if more writers do this, more of us will feel comfortable having these conversations. 🙂

24 clare { 03.10.13 at 5:30 am }

I am really struck by the comments about editors having rules and guidelines…. I sometimes wonder if there are weird feedback loops set up… Women do X… and then stop seeing that happen in all cultural reference to us.. and then we don’t do it as much.

I’d like to think I am my own person, but I have noticed that when I consume media that include women frankly, and humorously, taking about sex, I start hearing myself take more risks in my own conversations with friends. And when I mostly read/hear/see women be rather polite about such matters, well I get a bit more reserved. Always within my own sense of my personality…. but where on that continuum shifts I think based on the books, podcasts, movies etc I see (and which country I am living in 😉 at the time…. I say go for it!

25 luna { 03.12.13 at 2:23 am }

ok someone just joked that the reason you don’t hear married women talking about oral sex is because they’re not doing it anymore.

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