It’s Totally Cool to be Baby Crazy*… If You’re Fertile
Do you know what it is totally cute to be? Baby Crazy. I mean, unless your uterus is an inhospitable environment to the low-quality embryos made out of your sub-par eggs. Then it’s just sad. And that — in the opinion of the average Internet commenter — is not actually Baby Craziness… it’s Baby Desperation. I know, you think it’s just semantics but let me put it to you this way: Baby Crazy is Pinterest-worthy and full of squee. Baby Desperate is kneeling in the frozen foods section and weeping bitterly by the Green Giant frozen peas because you got a call from your RE that your cycle failed. Not that I ever did that.
I cried outside the food store, and I had purchased broccoli.
The Stir came up with a top ten list to let you know that after having two kids easily, how you know when you’re ready to pop out a third. (In case you were wondering how fertile people did this, it’s called sex.) It looks very similar to a list an infertile woman might create called: A Day in My Life. Items on the list include:
- Crying over all the baby announcements and updates on your Facebook feed.
- Daydreaming about things such as baby names or nursery colours.
- Buying baby items for friends, and then wishing that you could keep them for yourself.
So you would think that the world should be able to relate to the emotional landscape of the average infertile person. So why is it baby desperation — a situation that sounds akin to sweaty upper lips and body odor — if you’re infertile. (Even if you have a child! Those experiencing secondary infertility or primary infertility a second time are also called baby desperate.) But it’s cutesy baby crazy if you can conceive without issues?
My apologies to the author of the article if this is a situation she is grappling with, truly crying over Facebook announcements and struggling to know the right path to take. But if that is the case, it could do a lot of good in this world to discuss it in that manner rather than clogging the Internet with jokes such as “You actually contemplate picking up a stray baby in the store and asking the mom how bad she REALLY wants her.”
Really, we can handle hearing someone’s hopes and fears stated in a heartfelt manner.
* And here is where we come to the asterisk in the title. It’s actually never okay to call someone “baby crazy” or “baby desperate” or “baby hungry,” and unless you are using it in a tongue-in-cheek manner to turn language that other people use on its head, it makes me sad to hear someone use these terms on themselves. There is nothing unhealthy in wanting to build your family or feeling deep sadness over a diagnosis (and the subsequent treatment) of infertility.
We would never call someone wearing glasses as “sight crazy” or someone who’d go so far as to utilize LASIK to correct their vision as “sight desperate.” We don’t call people who wear hearing aids as “hearing crazy” or those who utilize cochlear implants as “hearing desperate.” Both non-life threatening but certainly lifestyle-threatening conditions. Like infertility.
And let’s not belittle mental illness while we’re at it too.
Stepping off my soap box and going back to watching Harry Potter 7, Part I… I mean, working.