419th Friday Blog Roundup
Samantha Brick, who was vilified this year for her article announcing her beauty to the world had a new article in the Daily Mail this week recounting her struggles with infertility. She is — if nothing else — deeply, brutally honest, holding nothing back, which sometimes is the way things need to be said in order to make the point heard. I was struck by this passage:
In the meantime friends continued to get pregnant, and their gleeful news – these days emblazoned all over social media networks – is unutterably difficult to witness. You acquire a poker face when friends ask how things are going. I learned early on that when they inquire, they’re not actually that interested in the answer. If they’re fortunate enough to be a mother, it is awkward for them if you dare share the feelings of longing and inadequacy that dog you through fertility investigations. If they are staunchly child-free, then any talk that is too emotional or sentimental compels them to change the subject.
The comments are what you’d expect on the article (hint: don’t read them) and the end of the article veers very sharply into territory that feels snatched down from a vision board. (Before you spear me for knocking positive thinking, I am a fan of reframing how you view an event or the world as well as how you process information. For me, that work comes after the fact vs. beforehand. But you should know that I’m also fairly pessimistic in general so feel free to ignore me.) But the middle of the article unpacks the way infertility affects friendships. I thought it was an interesting read.
Once again, it’s Black Friday and once again, nothing I buy is on sale. Is Jon Ronson’s new book massively discounted for the day? Is there a special price for the final House DVD so we can finish off the series? Are my favourite bands offering their songs for half price on iTunes? No? Then Black Friday, I dismiss you.
I really do wish that Kindle would do a 24-hour book frenzy where every book in the Kindle store would be $2 and you could purchase as many as you want. I could see myself developing a finger injury from all the button pushing if that ever happened.
I found my dream house on Hooper’s Island.
And now the blogs…
But first, second helpings of the posts that appeared in the open comment thread last week. In order to read the description before clicking over, please return to the open thread:
- “The Holidays” (Happiness at the Core)
- “Would it Be Worse If He Was Older?” (My Bubba)
- “The End” (The Future Fords)
- “The Roller Coaster of IVF” (Nuts in May)
- “Coping with Infertility, Loss, and Winter Holidays” (Resolve)
- “Sometimes? Life is Hard to Define” (Too Many Fish to Fry)
- “How Can We Educate the Public about Infertility?” (Too Many Fish to Fry)
- “Creating Family” (Serenity Now!)
- “Untitled” (Infertile Myrtle)
- “Work Sucks (I Know)” (Dear Finley)
- “Transfer Day” (The A.R.T. of Baby Making)
- “Private Pain in the Public Sector” (Still Standing Magazine)
Okay, now my choices this week.
If You Don’t Stand for Something has a moving post about death and the way each family deals with loss. She writes, “If someone apologizes to me for “my loss”, I feel like a fraud because it’s really Chris’s loss. Honestly, it’s my loss by proxy, by marriage. It’s like being thrown on stage for a play but you don’t know the lines and you are left standing there awkwardly center stage under the hot lights. There was this moment where I didn’t know what to do because I don’t know how their family deals with death.” In other words, she knows how her family mourns a death, but when you partner with someone, you sign up for mourning a death on their family’s terms. I thought it was enlightening.
Scrambled Eggs has a post about how infertility silently affects her marriage that has a deeply frank ending, “But I know I’m too insecure to do that. And he is to kind and loyal to leave. And so we continue to go through the motions and pretend everything is ok, night after uncomfortable night.” It is a gorgeous, wistful post.
Lastly, Telling a Different Story has returned to tell her story. She’s an old blogger with a new space, and she travels through time with a recent post writing about the joy of discovering she is pregnant and then moving to the next page: “Pregnant at least 7 times I could tell this story 7 different ways. All with the same ending. I do not become a parent at the end.” It’s an amazing post; a really powerful post.
The roundup to the Roundup: A post about infertility by Samantha Brick. I wish e-books were discounted for the holidays so I could buy myself gifts. I found my dream house. And lots of great posts to read. So what did you find this week? Please use a permalink to the blog post (written between November 16th and November 23rd) and not the blog’s main url. Not understanding why I’m asking you what you found this week? Read the original open thread post here.