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My Sixth Blogoversary

Six, with massive apologies to A.A.Milne

When it was one,
My blog had just begun.
When it was two,
Each topic was still quite new.
When it was three
It was hardly just about me.
When it was four,
It was not much more.
When it was five,
It felt barely alive.
But my blog is now six,
(though it’s rarely that clever,)
I think I’ll keep writing for ever and ever.

My blog turned six today.  Six years ago, I lay on the sofa and allowed Josh to set the whole thing up.  At the time, he said that he was going to write it with me.  But I don’t think there has ever been a post by Josh on here.

There are over 2000 posts.  I write pretty much every single day.  I post about 90% of what I write.  I write when I don’t have any time to write.  I construct the post in my head while I’m showering, and then I quickly scrawl it out in moments throughout the day.  I’ll write a paragraph and then need to leave to do something.  And then I’ll email myself two sentences from the yoga mat before I turn off my phone.  And finally, I’ll finish off the post and leave it for a few hours to marinate.  Sometimes I’ll think of something to add in the middle of the night (it takes me a long time to fall asleep), and I’ll add that before hitting publish in the morning.

I go through stages where I need this space like water, and other times when I can take it or leave it, and other times still when I don’t want it at all.  In the past, I’ve thought about walking away from it, creating a ghost blog, more than I’ve thought about hitting delete.  This is a post about why I haven’t, and why I don’t really even think that anymore.

Writing here every day used to feel like something. I. had. to. do.  Like weeding a garden.  You can’t expect to have a garden if you’re not going to maintain it, and you can’t expect to have your blog read if you’re not going to maintain it.  When I thought like that, I sometimes went through periods of stress where I scrambled to think of what to write.  Or I’d be going somewhere and I felt like I needed to post something really good to carry the blog until I got back (and if I couldn’t write something amazing, became stressed about that).  I spent a lot of time feeling like my space owned me more than I owned my space, which I think is true of some houses as well.  There are some houses that seem to own the owners, that are constantly intruding on the owner’s personal time and causing the owners undo stress.  This blog at times was like that sort of house instead of being a harbour, a cozy space where I could curl up and talk.

At some point, I don’t even remember when, I stopped the constant tugging at my blog and owned it instead of allowing it to own me.  When I sit down to write, it is with a different mentality.  I remind my blog that it is here for me, that I own it and not the other way around.  It is a place I like to visit, that makes me happy.  It’s a place where I can have a conversation.  Where I can have my say.

Actually, I think I know when it changed.

My friend’s father, before he died, used to get coffee every morning with a bunch of other men at this water ice store near his home.  We went to the same water ice store at night sometimes with the kids, so I could totally picture the scene as he described it.  The men would come every morning to get coffee that they could have brewed at home; nothing special — just hot coffee from a press thermos served in styrofoam cups.  And they’d sit at the table and talk for a while before they all went off in different directions to start their day.  They called their group something like the Coffee Club.

I loved the idea of that coffee group and wished I had something like it.  I’m sure sometimes it was stressful to get there in time, and sometimes he probably had other things he wanted to do more but felt the social pressure to show up, and sometimes he was sick and missed his group.  It wasn’t perfect, after all, it was reality.  Reality is messy.  It’s hard and wonderful and it’s a timesuck and a harbour.  I don’t know if the group still meets now that he’s gone; I can’t imagine that if they do, it’s the same without him.

After he died a few years ago, I stopped allowing this space to own me and I started to see it as such a gift, a place to have a cup of coffee and talk in the morning.  Or, it was more accurately an ever-shifting coffee club that could be formed whenever I needed it to form.  I usually prefer it in the morning as a way to start off my day (I probably publish at least 75% of posts in the morning).  It’s this touchstone before I set off in a multitude of directions.

It’s never wasted time, it’s rarely stressful time.  There are times when the blogosphere affects my mood — how could it not? — but the drawbacks are infrequent and the company is warm and engaging.  You all make think.  You push me sometimes to look at why I think something or why I do something.  Sometimes you change my mind.  Sometimes you make me dig my heels in harder.  You are my coffee club.

So I will keep writing here.

Sometimes I need this space — as I said — like I need water.  But more accurately, I need it like I need a vitamin.  Sometimes I don’t really need a vitamin at all depending on what I eat, and sometimes I need it very much, but I always take it nonetheless because I believe that it might stave off problems in the future.  I write something every day because it exercises my brain.  Because it makes me look at myself and really see myself.  Because I may catch a problem within myself while it’s still small and easily fixable.  I write here because humans need a coffee club.  We need to connect and be with one another.  We need to know that if we slip away, we’ll be missed.

Thank you, for six wonderful years, for being my coffee club.

58 comments

1 jodifur { 06.25.12 at 7:49 am }

Happy Blogoversary!

2 Mud Hut Mama { 06.25.12 at 7:58 am }

Happy Blogoversary! So glad you haven’t walked away!

3 Amel { 06.25.12 at 8:00 am }

Happy Blogoversary! THANK YOU for your blog and the many links you’ve provided…

4 Meredith { 06.25.12 at 8:05 am }

Happy blogoversary! You are amazing.

5 marwil { 06.25.12 at 8:27 am }

What a lovely post, here’s to many more years of blogging. Cheers!

6 Meghan { 06.25.12 at 8:34 am }

Happy blogoversary! I for one am so very glad you take the time to write to us each day. You always make me think

7 HereWeGoAJen { 06.25.12 at 8:40 am }

Happy six years! You are definitely a big part of my coffee club and I am happy to have you. :)

8 Manapan { 06.25.12 at 8:46 am }

Happy blogoversary! And no, thank YOU for letting us join up in the virtual coffee club.

9 Angie { 06.25.12 at 8:57 am }

Happy blogoversary! xo

10 Io { 06.25.12 at 9:06 am }

Happy blogoversary! I can’t find words to express how happy I am that you still show up for coffee club. It’s so nice to come back to fold and find you still leading the circle.
(Also, what the heck is a water ice store?! Is that an east coast thing?)

11 Jen { 06.25.12 at 9:17 am }

Mel, you wrote recently that you wanted to be someone about whom people could say “that woman changed my life.”

Well, you changed my life. You took me from a place where I was the only one who knew that babies who never had heartbeats could be mourned so deeply. From somewhere where no-one ever struggled to have children. From a world where “just relax” was the perfect thing to say.

You built a world where I wasn’t alone. And it really did change my life.

Happy blogoversary, and thank you.

12 Gail { 06.25.12 at 9:21 am }

Happy blogoversary!! I’ve enjoyed following along and hope for many more years of it!

13 Rebecca { 06.25.12 at 9:24 am }

Happy Blogoversary!!!

14 BigP's Heather { 06.25.12 at 9:37 am }

Happy Blogoversary!!

15 serenity { 06.25.12 at 10:18 am }

Happy Blogaversary, lady. Glad to see you’re still here.

xoxo

16 Esperanza { 06.25.12 at 11:04 am }

Happy Blogovesary! Six years is an incredible accomplishment.

17 Deathstar { 06.25.12 at 11:14 am }

Having a cup of coffee, with my kid watching the Backyardigans. I remember a time when there was no kid, just sadness, just longing, just waiting. And you were there all along and now that my life is so utterly different,you’re still here and I’m still here drinking coffee with you. Life is good. Thanks for being there for 6 years.

18 Pie { 06.25.12 at 1:27 pm }

Happy SIX years, Mel! I look forward reading for many, many more

19 Becky { 06.25.12 at 2:08 pm }

Happy Bloggoversary!!

20 jjiraffe { 06.25.12 at 2:38 pm }

Happy Blogoversary!

I love the coffee club analogy. My FiL has had a coffee klatch group he meets with every weekday for many years. The members vary each day (and are both men and women) as do the topics, but FiL goes almost
day, unless he’s out of town. It is incredibly important to him. I see your blog similarly, although, I had never put that together until now.

21 KeAnne { 06.25.12 at 2:42 pm }

Happy 6th blogoversary! Thank you for starting this coffee club. My grandfather got together with his cronies every afternoon at his friend’s general store. Sometimes after school, my aunt would take us by and he’s buy us “pop” and chewing gum. I don’t have many meaningful memories of my grandfather, so thank you and this space for helping me remember one.

22 Cristy { 06.25.12 at 2:53 pm }

Happy bloggoversary Mel! Wishing you many more. You’re most certainly how I start my day (blogs and coffee do a girl good) and I look forward to continuing the tradition in the years to come.

23 k { 06.25.12 at 3:29 pm }

Happy Blogoversary!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you for what you mean to this community and for continuing to be here even when it isn’t easy to be here. <3

24 nh { 06.25.12 at 3:46 pm }

Happy Blogoversary! And I shall join in with the thanks for all that you do. I hope you continue to write here for as long as it calls to you.

25 loribeth { 06.25.12 at 4:24 pm }

Happy blogoversary! : ) I grew up in small towns where the coffee shops were (and are) the hub of social life. My grandmother always had a pot of coffee perking on the stove and the kitchen was always filled with the aroma, along with good conversation & laughter from the people who were always dropping in. I love being able to do the same virtually here. Thanks, Mel. : )

26 Jo { 06.25.12 at 4:43 pm }

Way to motivate me to get writing again! I am, like so many others, incredibly glad that you are here, and cannot fathom this community without you. Where will the infertiles 20 yers from now go for this wisdom, this hope, this sense of belonging? You are truly a trailblazer, Mel, and we are beyond grateful for your time, your thoughts, and your dedication.

27 Her Royal Fabulousness { 06.25.12 at 4:49 pm }

Happy, Happy! What would I do without Stirrup Queens? I’d rather not hazard a guess :)

28 Sarah { 06.25.12 at 5:08 pm }

Happy six years! I am thrilled to be in your coffee club.

29 StacieT { 06.25.12 at 5:26 pm }

Happy 6th Bloggoversary, Mel!

30 luna { 06.25.12 at 6:35 pm }

happy sixth, melissa! and many more.
I stand in awe at all you do, every day, while recognizing that it is simply who you are. therefore I stand in awe of you.
xo

31 Lori Lavender Luz { 06.25.12 at 7:01 pm }

My name is Lori and I’ll be your coffee server today. What’s your pleasure?

I remember when the sperm court jester was in the byline.

I consider myself fortunate to be part of this Coffee Club. I think that even though you’ve written 2000 posts, I’ve read 4000. Because many get more than one reading.

XOXO. So glad you’re in the blogosphere, my Fairy Blogmother.

32 a { 06.25.12 at 8:01 pm }

Happy Blogoversary! I hope you have many more years of Coffee Club ahead of you…

33 JuliaKB { 06.25.12 at 9:18 pm }

Happy Blogoversary! Happy to have you here. I’ve not been nearly as consistent over the last five plus years, but it’s been so very good to come to know/expect that whenever I come back, you would still be here. :)

And I’ve often wondered how you manage to put together as many posts a week as you do. Thanks for drawing back the curtain a little on that.

34 Peg { 06.25.12 at 9:52 pm }

Congrats!

35 It Is What It Is { 06.25.12 at 10:29 pm }

I’m not sure how many years our cyber friendship goes back but I am so proud to be a loyal follower and to celebrate all that you do to pull our community together.

Happy 6th!

Keep on writing, girl!

36 Tireegal { 06.25.12 at 11:09 pm }

How many years has the word blogoversary been existence? Only a few but it feels like your blog has SO much history and posterity. In a good way. Way more than six years worth! Way to go! So glad I found you!
It would be cool to read a post about how you came to the decision to start blogging.

37 Alicia { 06.25.12 at 11:47 pm }

When I embarked on this journey, you were here. You’ve been the glue holding us all together. Thank you. You are amazing and dedicated and so so so worth it. You’re great. Hugs.

38 Baby Smiling In Back Seat { 06.26.12 at 12:42 am }

Happy happy happy happy happy happy blogoversary!

And many moooooore…

39 St. Elsewhere { 06.26.12 at 1:57 am }

Happy 6th!

Do people who wish you the same thing twice get extra rolling credits? ;-)

Happy Blogoversary!

40 panamahat { 06.26.12 at 3:29 am }

Happy bologoversary Mel. Thanks for all you have written so far, and what is still yet to come.

41 Mina { 06.26.12 at 4:11 am }

Happy 6th blogoversary! Here is something your blog needed to make the celebration complete: a jodler! :- D
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gSpFgLsAZJc
I am having a decaf and thinking of you.
Hugs

42 Emily @ablanket2keep { 06.26.12 at 9:43 am }

Happy Blogoversary!!!

43 MeAndBaby { 06.26.12 at 11:13 am }

Happy belated blogoversary! Thank you so much for writing.

44 Jess { 06.26.12 at 12:00 pm }

Great post and happy blogaversery!

45 Justine { 06.26.12 at 1:22 pm }

Happy blogoversary, Mel! I love this … and spoken like a teacher … yes, I need to remember it’s a coffee club, instead of agonizing that I ought to be saying Something Important (and therefore not writing at all). It’s not a podium in an auditorium full of people judging me. Thank you, for your blog, and for being you.

46 Pale { 06.26.12 at 4:00 pm }

Happy Blogoversary! Go Mel!

47 Searching for Serenity { 06.26.12 at 4:07 pm }

Happy Happy Blogoversary! I’ve been reading for nearly four years and I don’t know how I would have gotten through TTC, IF and loss without it (you).

Cheers!

48 Daryl { 06.26.12 at 10:26 pm }

Happy Blogoversary! Thank you for everything you do for this community!

49 Pamela Jeanne { 06.27.12 at 9:26 am }

A belated Happy Blogoversary! Six years already? Wow! I still remember stumbling across your blog, oh so many moons ago, like it was yesterday.

50 Tiara { 06.27.12 at 3:57 pm }

Happy belated blogoversary!!! I am so glad you write here!

51 Hiary Farmer Wifey { 06.27.12 at 4:04 pm }

Ah, Happy Blogoversary sweetheart. SIX! Blimey. Thank you for… well, just for everything.

52 magpie { 06.27.12 at 5:20 pm }

Happy 6th, and many happy returns!

53 Kathy { 06.28.12 at 1:55 am }

Here’s to six years! Cheers!

What a huge accomplishment to do something this meaningful and consistent for that long. I know it’s a cliche, but your truly never cease to amaze me Mel.

I don’t care for drinking coffee but love the idea of/coffee club analogy and can always substitute hot cocoa or tea.

I am sorry I didn’t get over here to celebrate with you on the actual day of your Blogoversary, but a milestone like this deserves an extended celebration anyway! xoxo

54 Heather { 06.28.12 at 5:49 pm }

Happy Blogoversary!

55 Misfit { 06.29.12 at 3:45 pm }

Happy Blogaversary! Oh my what a treat. I am slow catching up, but wanted to just give you a huge THANK you for being here and writing. It has made the difference to give me the courage to persevere in TTC. My little 28 day old Eve thanks you, too.

56 JustHeather { 07.03.12 at 7:34 am }

Ack, I missed this! Happy blogaversary, Mel!
Thank you for being here. A friend from another realm of the web posted a link to your blog a couple of years ago and it led me to find the bloggers I have found today. Thank you!

57 Vee { 07.07.12 at 7:23 am }

Happy Blogoversary Mel! I remember those early days like they were yesterday. Although I haven’t been reading many blogs lately yours included, I will always appreciate your writing. You keep on keeping on.

58 Billy { 07.08.12 at 7:38 am }

Happy (belated, as usual..) Blogoversary!!

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