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398th Friday Blog Roundup

I am not balancing life well at this moment in time.  I started the week off strong, but then work and obligations overtook me.  I found myself thrashing about in a sea of words and code, with timesuck maelstroms dragging me under.  I would go to bed at 1 am and then wake up at 7 am and try to get more work accomplished and couldn’t get a hold of my life.

This meant that I was incapable of purchasing soap.

Crap, you think as you read that: does that mean Melissa didn’t bathe all week?  No, I showered, using Josh’s bar of soap the first day.  I was then caught by Josh and it was implied through the way he incredulously intoned: “you used my soap?” that I was not welcome to keep using said soap.  I then switched to a travel bar that I unearthed since I couldn’t get my shit together to go to the store.  Until one night late in the week when I was out, and I nipped into the drugstore to grab a two-pack of Dove.

The next day, I stayed in my pyjamas until 4 pm — as did the twins — while I finished a project.  Exhausted and mentally fried, I climbed in the shower to clear my head before I tackled the next task.  And as I soaped up my body, I noted that the soap did not smell like my normal soap.  Nor did it feel like my normal soap.  This soap had flavour crystals or something that looked like little drops of Certs Retsyn. (How horrified am I to Google that and discover that Retsyn is copper gluconate.  I don’t know what the hell that is, but it sounds like metal.)  And it was scratching me.  My soap was literally scratching me.

After the shower, I fished the box out of the recycling pile.  It turns out that I not only forget my pants on long trips, but I can’t purchase soap when I have too many projects going at once.  I apparently purchased an exfoliating bar, so I will be spending the next few weeks buffing my skin since I don’t have time again to buy more soap.

But as a side note: do you have your own bar of soap in the shower, or do you share one with your partner?  I’d love to know the breakdown of how many people share or hoard their soap.  We are soap hoarders here (though I am also a soap stealer when I need to be).


And now the blogs…

But first, second helpings of the posts that appeared in the open comment thread last week as well as the week before.  In order to read the description before clicking over, please return to the open thread:

Okay, now my choices this week.

My Lady of the Lantern has a lovely, lilting post about the realities of her life.  About the push and pull of life: she wants the cream on bread, she knows she shouldn’t have the cream on bread.  She wants to return to work, she doesn’t feel settled returning to work.  I loved the simplicity and the rhythm of this post.

No Kidding in NZ has a post about confidence that resonated with me.  The post also provides you with a way to look at your own confidence levels.  She writes, “And the emotions of pregnancy loss and infertility, failure and self-doubt as a woman, all these emotions pulled my self-confidence down.  Initially, I was scared to go out, scared to meet people, in case the tears came, in case the awkward comments and questions were delivered.”  I appreciated the rawness of her confidence dissection.

Lastly, last weekend was Father’s Day in the United States and A Little Blog about the Big Infertility has a moving post about Father’s Day, her father, and a song from the Lion King.  She writes about her daughter, “Even though V is not biologically related, every one in my family notices she bears a resemblance, physically to my dad. And you may think this is weird, but sometimes she stares off into space and smiles like someone is there, and I wonder if he isn’t watching over us.”  The post made me want to reach through the screen and give her a hug.

And a side note because this video is so much fun, from Pretend to Enjoy (a non-IF blogger, as far as I know):

Taste the Rainbow – Stop Motion Candy and Paint from Jennifer Dorsman on Vimeo.

The roundup to the Roundup: Do you share soap, or so you each have your own bar of soap in your house?  And lots of great posts to read.  So what did you find this week?  Please use a permalink to the blog post (written between June 15th and June 22nd) and not the blog’s main url. Not understanding why I’m asking you what you found this week?  Read the original open thread post here.


1 Buttermilk { 06.22.12 at 7:58 am }

We share soap. In a pinch I have been desperate enough to use my husband’s deodorant.

2 serenity { 06.22.12 at 8:00 am }

Really? You don’t share soap? That’s so interesting. We share toothpaste and soap and contact solution, but not shampoo and moisturizer – only because my stuff is too “girly” for Charlie.

It’s funny, though. I totally forgot to buy soap last week when I was at the store and I found myself one morning digging through our travel kits to find a teeny bar of travel soap. Have I managed to get to the store and get another six pack of Dove? Nope. Not yet.

Another aside: I don’t understand the exfoliating soap thing. I get that it makes sense to exfoliate once or twice a week for your face, and my feet PROBABLY could use it… but your entire body? That seems overmuch to me. And scratchy.

Hope things settle down soon. I hate that feeling of being overwhelmed with the to do list.


3 sharah { 06.22.12 at 8:43 am }

We share bar soap, but I also keep smelly body wash for myself.

4 Jennifer { 06.22.12 at 8:46 am }

We do not share soap, but for two reasons:
1. Originally I did not share because often he had these very manly (think Irish Spring or Old Spice) smelling soaps.
2. Then about a year ago I found that when I switched to fragrance free, sensitive soap my skin felt 100x better. So he still uses smelly soap and I get Aveeno.
We do share toothpaste (not brushes) and occasionally use the same shampoo.

5 a { 06.22.12 at 9:03 am }

We sort of share soap. I use primarily body wash, but also use the soap. We sort of share shampoo/conditioner – I buy fancy stuff for me, he gets the $1 bottle of Suave. He uses mine sometimes; I use his sometimes. We don’t share toothpaste or contact solution because we have separate medicine cabinets. When we shared a drawer for that sort of stuff, we would share. I only get really upset when he uses my razor, because he doesn’t understand the meaning of the word RINSE!

Moral of the story: Travel more and loot those hotels of all their little bars of soap, so you will be prepared for a few rough weeks and accidental exfoliator purchases.

I thought Jenny did a pretty awesome job with this:

6 Mina { 06.22.12 at 9:43 am }

Where we live the water is very hard. Very good and clean, but harsh on the skin. So I do not use soap bars, but liquid stuff, with emolient and mosturising tidbits in it. And shower gel. We don’t share, in the sense that I can’t use his manly smelling products, but he is bold enough to use my flowery smelling goo. And we use the same shampoo, toothpaste, mouthwash, hand soap (liquid, as well – stop sniggering, it is lodged forever in my brain that it is less harsh, I can’t do anything about it…). When we lived elsewhere, and we were using soap bars, we shared the same bar.
So, count us as sharers. 🙂

Don’t know how the weather is where you are, but here we’re dealing with a heat wave that gives me a craving for icy beverages all the time. And you sound frazzled enough for a Lushary (I haven’t told you but this is my most favourite project I ever heard of online). (Ever!). Do you think you could swap a soap trip with a Lushary session? We could hold a competition “worst parenting moment we know” – I have a good one that still makes me gag. And I miss it, ok, there I said it. But I know you are short of time, so don’t feel pressured. 🙂

7 Mud Hut Mama { 06.22.12 at 10:03 am }

Your post made me laugh. We are soap sharers and lately it has been Dove exfoliating as well. We use whatever Dove is available at the store and buy in bulk because there are often long stretches where it’s not available.

8 Buttermilk { 06.22.12 at 10:12 am }

Oh, yes – we share a razor too. Somehow one day I realized that the razors they make for men are way better than what they market to women. So I just started using his without his permission. I think he figured it out after awhile since he never saw pink razors in the bathroom anymore. But he didn’t complain so …

9 Cristy { 06.22.12 at 10:15 am }
10 loribeth { 06.22.12 at 10:39 am }

Glad Cristy noted Mo’s post; I haven’t been able to read many blogs this week (hope to come back with some recommendations later), but that was a standout for me as well. And I second the motion for a Lushary session. It’s patio season! ; )

Yes, we share soap — good old Zest (the original aqua bar), which is what we both grew up using. For quite awhile, though, we had separate tubes of toothpaste — he liked wintergreen Colgate & I liked mint gel, so I just bought both. These days, though, we’re both using Sensodyne. :p

11 Babylicious { 06.22.12 at 10:50 am }

We don’t share soap because our body wash “tastes” differ–he likes scratchy stuff and I like moisturizing.

We don’t share toothpaste though–I read somewhere about the germs that you swap doing it and since we’ve stopped, we’ve both had less colds amazingly.

12 It Is What It Is { 06.22.12 at 10:51 am }

We no longer use bar soap in our house. All three of us (husband, son, and me) each have our own shower scruffy and use a sulfate-free liquid body wash (it happens to be Rosemary-Mint for the grown-ups). This has been one of the greatest personal hygiene decisions we’ve made, not only for the environment, but for our natural stone shower (no more soapy residue), and our bodies (our skin is far less dry).

13 k { 06.22.12 at 11:09 am }

No bar soap exists anywhere in our house. We use body wash and since my wife is a couponer extraordinaire we have all kinds and flavors. Generally we don’t share because I like the uber girly scents and she not so much. I don’t share toothpaste with her because she perpetually leaves the top off and it oozes out and crusts all over the opening and grosses me out.

14 Hope { 06.22.12 at 11:24 am }

We don’t share soap, mostly because I like bar soap and he just uses the shampoo.

15 Blanche { 06.22.12 at 12:36 pm }

In the bathroom, we share nothing but soap. Everything else we have different preferences on (except moisturizer, but we each have our own bottles on our individual vanities).

This post by Mina makes me smile every time I think about the joy that comes across in her words. (pregnancy mentioned) http://kmina.wordpress.com/2012/06/18/nada/

16 Pale { 06.22.12 at 1:13 pm }

We share soap here. And since everyone but me has eczema and chronically itchy dry skin … we go easy on what we have (Dove, mostly). I have to remind myself when we are having company to set out fresh bars, so as not to offend the normal (?) people by implying they should use ours. (Actually, with guests, this makes some sense to me.) My mother is particularly fussy about this. A little OCD. We are not a very OCD-friendly household.

Josh’s remark gave me a flashback to the time I complained to our family hygienist that I’d caught Mike using my TOOTHBRUSH while we were on vacation. I am not too fussy (as far as I can tell), but THAT bugged me. I don’t want his cavity bacteria. Didn’t have a cavity myself until I was well into my 20’s and I hear they are contagious. (?) I expected support. What I got was dear Barry looking at me like I was utterly stupid and a remark which I can’t recreate about … how surely we swap mouth bacteria in other ways, so … WTH, D? Snap out of it.

Maybe you could mail-order some soap? Something pretty from Etsy? 🙂

17 Alexicographer { 06.22.12 at 1:14 pm }

I am both a soap hoarder and a soap stealer. Well truthfully I am a soap stealer living with a soap hoarder who tries to respect my hoarder’s boundaries. Also I have (currently) long hair that gets all over the soap (gets stuck on, I shed prolifically — no secret agenthood in my future, I’d get caught immediately from the strands) and I both understand that that is annoying and find it is a pain to remove the strands. So: separate bars, mostly. I will wash with anything and am the sort of person who packs for long trips with a single bottle of some non-descript body wash or shampoo to use for both purposes (I can and have used bar soap for hair washing, but generating enough suds is work).

18 MaryAnn { 06.22.12 at 2:48 pm }

My husband and I share bar soap (Dove, coincidentally) and shared toothpaste until recently when he decided he wanted a different kind. We use different kinds of shampoo. For years, we actually shared a towel too ~ which I now think is totally gross and wonder how or why we did that for so long. Must have been that “new love” that finally wore off!

19 clare { 06.22.12 at 3:57 pm }

definitely sharers here. In fact I think the only time I had my own dedicated soap was fresh yr in college… I am the least girly-girl I know when it comes to such things and my toiletries is basically just contact solution, bar soap, shampoo, and sometimes conditioner. I even share my husband’s deoderant when I am too lazy to walk to the bathroom (where I keep mine… he likes his to be in the closet for before putting clothes on). never would have occurred to me to share a shower with someone and not soap 🙂 loved your post! and may life calm down enough that soap shopping starts to be within your limits again:)

20 S.I.F. { 06.22.12 at 3:59 pm }

I am so glad to know I am not the only one who got her butt kicked by this week! Sorry Mel, but misery loves company!

And I don’t think I could be a soap sharer. Boys are gross. I don’t particularly care to know what they do with their soap, but I know I don’t want their soap touching mine!

21 Becky { 06.22.12 at 4:33 pm }

We share soap, but nothing else (toothpaste, shampoo, etc… – all separate). However, the more I think about it, the more the sharing of the soap gives me the ickies…

22 Anat { 06.22.12 at 6:30 pm }

Do not use my soap. Do not touch my soap. If possible, try not to even get my soap wet, I hate it when gets mushy and then cracks as it dries. On the other hand, if you need a toothbrush, you are welcome to use mine.

23 Jessica J. { 06.22.12 at 7:52 pm }

We share Shampoo but that is all. Separate soap. Separate toothpaste and brushes. Separate towels. Separate everything.
Also, I feel your pain. Literally. I too bought the new dove “scratchy” soap by accident. The bar is a little gentler after a few uses but I can’t wait to run out of soap so I can get regular soap again.

24 Emily @ablanket2keep { 06.22.12 at 9:39 pm }

We share soap. I got him hooked on my cucumber dove soap. I kinda miss how he used to smell when we were dating. Been thinking about switching him back. He wouldn’t care, he uses whatever I put in the shower. Once he ran out of shampoo at his mom’s house and used some strange body wash he found in the shower to wash every inch of himself including his hair. He smelt so strange. LOL!

25 Daryl { 06.22.12 at 11:45 pm }

Separate everything in our bathroom–soap/body wash, shampoo, toothpaste. Although, I have used Hubby’s soap and shampoo in a pinch. (But don’t tell him.)

26 Baby Smiling In Back Seat { 06.23.12 at 1:31 am }

I can share his soap, but he can’t share mine. I have a weakness for fancy handmade soaps, and one bar can last several months. Somehow the way that my husband showers, the soap dissolves in a couple of weeks.

But in this new house we can’t use bar soap because the soap dish is in the direct path of the showerhead and it stays soaking wet all the time.

It’s a comical lineup in the shower right now: 3 bottles of shampoo (me, DH, kids), 3 bottles of conditioner, 2 bottles of body wash (adults vs. kids), 1 facial cleanser (for DH more than for me!), and 1 shaving cream.

27 St. Elsewhere { 06.23.12 at 2:09 am }

We may or may not share soaps. We have in the past maintained different soaps for each of us. It is usually me not letting him use my soap. We share shampoos, and usually have multiple ones.

And I love his perfume. I am not using perfumes right now, but like to use myself, a couple of his perfumes…

28 St. Elsewhere { 06.23.12 at 2:10 am }

P.S. Thank you Mel. 🙂

29 St. Elsewhere { 06.23.12 at 2:45 am }

And oh, here’s a post by Stacie that caught my attention:

http://www.stacieslife.com/2012/06/thank-you-leslie-brown.html (Post Title: Thank You, Leslie Brown)

(Leslie was the mum of Louise – the first IVF baby. Leslie died recently.)

30 Detour { 06.23.12 at 9:44 am }

Infertile First Mom has a great post about celebrating yourself this summer, ending obsessive pee stick-collecting, and embracing the current state of your uterus: http://infertilefirstmom.wordpress.com/2012/06/21/so-you-want-to-feel-normal-again/

We don’t share soap, only because I use a bar and he uses liquid. I actually love the exfoliating soaps!

31 Kate (Bee In The Bonnet) { 06.23.12 at 11:15 am }

Mel. For the love. Send me your address, and I will mail you a box of lovely shower gels and soaps and then you won’t have to go to the store for a year. I used to work at one of those smelly soap shops, and I have a metric crapton of product which resides in my cabinet and will never be depleted because I can’t stop buying new soap.

And no, typically, we don’t share soap. However, that’s mostly because we both usually use soap with a fragrance, and I like mine on the slightly (sliiiiiiiiightly) sweeter side, while husband likes the manly-scented stuff. But I also like the spicier scents, so I’ve been known to occasionally use his more neutral smelling stuff. Like when I bought him a bottle of “rain” something scented shower gel from Target, then once or twice a week, I’d use it instead of my usual. I’ve got a lot of more neutral smelling shower gels that he will occasionally steal out of my cabinet, but not often.

But seriously, though. No one should be without soap because they’re too busy to make it to the store and their husband won’t share. Please let me send you some. Please.

32 Queenie { 06.23.12 at 11:51 am }

I am not balancing life well this week, either. I shouldn’t even be reading this post! But it made me laugh, and made me wonder about things I’ve never given any thought to, like toiletry sharing. We share everything here. I hate the brand of toothpaste my husband buys (gel–yuck), but I use it because I’m too busy to go buy my own. 🙂

33 Stinky { 06.23.12 at 10:27 pm }

We always shared shower gel, just used to buy one massive litre of Radox, but I am also a soap hoarder (I take the souvenirs home that they leave you from any hotels or suchlike) and recently decided it was time to clear some hoardspace. I’m not keen on Mr Stinky using my soap (when he’s now got a litre of shower gel to himself) but figure it is offset by my use of his razor and and shave gel (which he hates me doing, but as someone mentioned earlier, mens razors are soooooo much better than womens). No shampoo for him, so I have 3 different brands that I mix up when I wash my hair.

But hate sharing toothbrushes with ANYONE

34 Mali { 06.24.12 at 2:26 am }

Thanks for mentioning my post. I’m now having a crisis of confidence because I’m hoping no-one I know in real life will see it, especially if I get a job interview I’m hoping for in a few weeks!

We share soap – though we’ve taken to using flowing soap these days – and more recently toothpaste, though we have different tastes so we often have a few tubes lying around. I won’t let him use my shampoo for my coloured hair (too expensive), and we definitely do NOT share toothbrushes.

35 JustHeather { 06.24.12 at 4:03 am }

We share contact solution, sometimes shampoo (all are Pantene, just different styles) and I do use his shaving cream, because it all stinks to me and I don’t shave too often as my hair is quite light. He doesn’t like my toothpaste (imported from the US) and I don’t like his. As for soaps, we have some liquid body soaps, but it is rare I use them. They just make my skin way too dry and itchy. I don’t think the non-use of soaps makes me any less clean, water is pretty powerful stuff. 🙂 I also have problems with the residual smells of soaps, especially hand soaps. The smell generally doesn’t go away and it makes my nose and eyes hurt and gives me a headache.

36 persnickety { 06.24.12 at 11:23 pm }

We don’t share soap- because I really like Lush soaps, and handmade, non caustic soaps. After a lifetime of shower gels, my skin stopped being dry, so I stick with them. He finds them not caustic enough (that’s his complaint, that they don’t have lye!), so he has Imperial Leather at the moment (it varies depedning on what is on special).
Shampoo and conditioner is shared at the moment (when i buy expensive stuff it isn’t), but we currently have different toothpaste, as we found some japanese stuff he loves that I cannot stand.
I can’t handle strong smelling soaps and gels, so stick to things like goats milk and mild scents- he will bring home a ginormous bottle of floral or fruit stuff that then lives in the cupboard for years.
We do tend to buy soaps at markets and crafty places, so the backlog is significant- although the rat in residence a couple of years ago did some damage- seriously selective rat- my favourite shoes, the power cable on the hard drive with the movies and the soap.

37 Sarah { 06.26.12 at 6:25 pm }

So random question here, but it’s your 6 year blogiversary, and yet we are on the 399th Blog Round Up. Yet with there being 52 weeks per year, there have only been 312 Fridays in the last six years. SO, did you used to do more than one round up a week? Did you used to do a Round up on a different blog? I am curious. Or nosey. One of the two 🙂

38 JM { 06.26.12 at 9:49 pm }

I really enjoyed this piece from The Bloggess- http://thestir.cafemom.com/baby/139083/lesson_36_choosing_to_live

It discusses the assumption that every woman MUST want a baby, with a clever analogy to clothing choices. Well written, even from someone who admits in the article that yes, they do want to be a mother.

(c) 2006 Melissa S. Ford
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