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Whiskey Dick: The Perfect Gift for Christian in 50 Shades of Grey

You know how in 50 Shades of Grey, Christian is soooooooooooooo rich that Ana really struggles with the gift buying.  Yes, of course she found that perfect glider model plane, but there is still his birthday to contend with and Christmas and Valentine’s Day.  I have four words for Ana:

Whiskey Flavoured Sex Lube.

For a brief amount of time, bacon lube held the spot of my favourite PR pitch ever.

[Company name removed] is pleased to announce the launch of Whiskey Dick, the world’s first bourbon-flavored personal lubricant. You’re welcome.

[Company name removed] Whiskey Dick™ is water based, hand crafted and proudly Made in America. Whiskey Dick is the gold standard of booze-flavored massage oils, it’s aged 4 years in white oak casks and guarantees a velvety-smooth finish. But don’t delay, the first batch only yielded 5,000 bottles and it’s available starting Thursday May 10th for $11.99.

Whiskey Dick’s distinct Tennessee taste won it a Triple Gold Medal Award at the 10th Annual Great American Sex & Drinking Festival in Bean Station, TN (we also placed in the BBQ competition). So remember, the next time you get Jacked, Whiskey Dick will be there to help you rise to the occasion.

5000 bottles, Ana.  You better get a move on.  It’s totally affordable, but just unusual enough that the man who has everything might not yet have his own bottle.

P.S. Feel free, when you are struggling through Mother’s Day this weekend, to repeat the mantra “whiskey dick, whiskey dick, whiskey dick” inside your head as a distraction.  It has so many purposes beyond being an excellent personal lubricant.


1 Sushigirl { 05.10.12 at 8:06 am }

They’re not that innovative – we’ve had whisky (without the ‘e’) flavoured condoms for ages!

2 Chickenpig { 05.10.12 at 8:19 am }

I think Whiskey Dick was one of the long shot horses in the Derby last weekend 😉

If you call someone a Whiskey Dick, is that a complement “Ooooh you whiskey dick” or is it an insult?

Wouldn’t Ana have to buy white wine flavored lube? It seems that’s all Grey drinks.

3 Katie { 05.10.12 at 8:40 am }

Ahhhhh! I’m laughing/completely grossed out.

4 Becky { 05.10.12 at 9:17 am }

I…uh…no words.

5 a { 05.10.12 at 9:34 am }

Wait, they actually hold a Sex & Drinking FESTIVAL? I thought that happened every weekend at the bars in the college town up the road…

6 It Is What It Is { 05.10.12 at 10:39 am }

Hands down, my new go-to when life hits a rough patch mantra.

As always, your PSAs are perfectly timed.

7 JustHeather { 05.10.12 at 11:42 am }

LOL!! Just…great. 😀

8 Tigger { 05.10.12 at 11:54 am }

My husband is vastly intrigued. For Christmas I just might have to get him both the Bacon and the Whiskey lubes. Not that I’ll use them on him, but he can taste it. 🙂 He also wants to know where the festival is. *shakes head*

9 Cristy { 05.10.12 at 12:24 pm }

I just fell out of my chair from laughing so hard.

10 KeAnne { 05.10.12 at 12:53 pm }

I am so glad that Whiskey Dick proudly made in America because this product is what I want to be the face, er, dick of American manufacturing.

11 Orodemniades { 05.10.12 at 7:52 pm }

For the record, ‘whisky’ is Scottish, whiskey w/the e is everything else.

12 Mali { 05.10.12 at 11:45 pm }

My husband’s birthday this weekend, and I didn’t know what to get him. I do now!

13 Bea { 05.11.12 at 12:59 pm }

Goodness, gracious me. Bourbon flavour would certainly take me back to a certain point in time…


14 magpie { 05.18.12 at 4:40 pm }

Whiskey tango foxtrot?

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