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367th Friday Blog Roundup

Thank you for the anniversary wishes.  I sure do love that boy.


The twins were asked to create a word problem in math class that they would also solve themselves both numerically and with a picture.  The Wolvog wrote: “Wolvog had seven iPhones.  His mum gave him three more iPhones.  Now how many does he have?”  He then proceeded to draw 10 iPhones featuring various apps (when he showed me his homework, he chuckled to himself, “I didn’t include Siri on this one since it’s actually an old iPhone 4 and not the iPhone 4S).

The ChickieNob is a little more dramatic, and she brought an intensity to her word problem, the likes of which I’ve never seen repeated on a xeroxed worksheet: “The Wolvog had 9 apples.  When he went to sleep, the ChickieNob took some and then he had 8.  How many apples… OH NO!  The Wolvog is coming… but how many apples?  How many apples did she take!”  She explained that she wanted the problem solver to feel the intensity of the apple theft, the fear of being caught.  It’s method mathematics.


I get a lot of PR pitches, dozens of them each day.  Many are about pregnancy or baby products, which — as you can imagine — really make my day.  I mean, what infertile woman doesn’t love getting six emails in the span of two hours asking them to hawk baby stuff?

For a long time, my favourite PR pitch was one for beef jerky, that pointed out how much kids love jerky:

I think that the relevancy that our products have to your users is that Jerky is one of the biggest under-rated snack foods for kids!  Although my opinion may be biased.  It is high in essential nutrients like protein while being low in carbs, fats, and calories…plus it tastes good and kids enjoy eating it!  Not to mention the convenience and long shelf life.  I think it would be a good (and interesting product) for your users to read about.

So in one pitch, he managed to miss that I am (1) kosher, (2) a vegetarian, and (3) write about an inability to have children and therefore my readers most likely wouldn’t be looking for great snacks for kids.  I also liked that jerky was capitalized, as if it were a proper name.

That was my favourite one.

My new favourite is for bacon-lube.

I thought you might like this.

[Company name removed] is pleased to announce the launch of baconlube!  Yes, the world’s first bacon-flavored personal lubricant.

[Product name removed] is water based, proudly Made in America and is the gold standard of meat flavored massage oils.  Baconlube is like the McRib of sex – it’s delicious, makes men crazy, is here for a limited time and is in short supply, so don’t miss out.  We only made 3,000 bottles of this pork flavored nectar.

They thought I might like this?  It’s more like, “I love this!”  The best part is that they offered me my very own bottle — one of the 3,000 bottles of pork flavoured nectar — so I could have a meaty, salty vagina.  And I’m not sure how I can say no.


November’s IComLeavWe kicks off on Monday so this weekend is the last chance to sign up.  When the list closes on Monday night, I’ll use the random number generator to choose one person from the list to have their Creme de la Creme submission moved to the #6 slot on the list).

Speaking of the Creme de la Creme, we have 134 submissions on the list.  Pretty please, don’t wait until last minute to get your submission in.


And now the blogs…

But first, second helpings of the posts that appeared in the open comment thread last week as well as the week before.  In order to read the description before clicking over, please return to the open thread:

Okay, now my choices this week.

Les Terres Fertiles has a post about sex and infertility, namely, how sex changes when you discover you’re infertile.  I love her analogy: “The best analogy I can come up with at this point is hunting.  I’ve never hunted before, but I can imagine that if a hunter was told that they can continue to shoot their gun at targets, say, on some sort of shooting range, but they can’t go out and actually kill animals, that there would then be something important missing from the shooting experience, even though all the mechanics are the same.”  Truly, you need to read the entire post.

Eggs in a Row has a post about her sister-in-law’s loss and the awkward space she is in knowing about the loss without having been told about the pregnancy.  She sums it up like this: “I am frustrated that I am supposed to pretend that I don’t know, especially since my sister-in-law decided not to tell me that she was pregnant.  I’m assuming that she didn’t want to tell me because she knew a third sister would be upsetting, and I (as bad as this sounds) was relieved to pretend (to her) that I didn’t know, because it was less baby talk. But, now I’m in the position that I can’t tell her how sorry I am.”  I found the whole post very moving and kept thinking about it after I closed the blog.

Lastly, Scrambled Eggs has a post about a man she met on a flight.  It’s about how fate has a way of arranging airline seats so you’re sitting next to someone who has the potential to either change your life or change the way you see the world.  It’s a good story — go over and read it.

The roundup to the Roundup: I really do love that boy.  The ChickieNob and Wolvog’s math homework.  Would you turn down the baconlube?  Last chance to sign up for November’s IComLeavWe (and don’t forget your Creme de la Creme submission).  And lots of great posts to read.  So what did you find this week?  Please use a permalink to the blog post (written between November 11th and November 18th) and not the blog’s main url. Not understanding why I’m asking you what you found this week?  Read the original open thread post here.


1 Elizabeth { 11.18.11 at 8:13 am }




OMG. Words I will not soon forget.

I have to say, ChickieNob’s word problem has some serious dramatic urgency to it. And the Wolvog’s is so geeky-sly! Love it!

2 HereWeGoAJen { 11.18.11 at 8:21 am }

Those may be the best word problems I have ever read.

3 Blanche { 11.18.11 at 8:36 am }

Bacon flavored lube? The only thing which would make it better are coordinating egg flavored condoms.

4 loribeth { 11.18.11 at 8:47 am }

Rolling on the floor of my office cubicle here…!!!

5 Kathy { 11.18.11 at 8:49 am }

I agree with Jen! 🙂

6 Chickenpig { 11.18.11 at 9:07 am }

OMG I’m crying/laughing hysterically over this one. YES I want a salty porky vagina! Right on! It might be really dangerous if your boyfriend is a vampire or a werewolf, though…

And jerky for kids? Are they serious? They do realize that it has enough nitrates to choke a horse, if a horse should eat nitrates. GAH!

You could name your fake punk band Bacon Lube. (what? you don’t have a fake punk band, you should, or a real one). Mine is the Wet Lemmings. 😉

7 Eggs In A Row { 11.18.11 at 10:55 am }

1. Thank you for the mentioning me! Makes today’s birth of my sister a lot easier…she got a baby but I got on Mel’s list. Sucka! (I’m serious. Thank you!)

2. Bacon lube? I have no words. Actually, I do. What is wrong with people?

8 Eggs In A Row { 11.18.11 at 10:55 am }

Also…your kids are hilarious.

9 m. { 11.18.11 at 11:09 am }

Bacon Lube is an awesome punk rock band name.

If math books were filled with more problems like ChickieNob’s, the world would have more math majors.

10 a { 11.18.11 at 11:31 am }

Your children are hilarious. I can picture the Wolvog’s amusement at the various versions of the iPhone. And the drama in that problem of the Chickienob’s…I could see her writing for television someday. Dramas or soap operas, I think.

Bacon lube? Really? Eeew. And I halfway like bacon.

11 Gail { 11.18.11 at 11:40 am }

My husband would LOVE bacon-flavored lube. I just don’t know if that is such a good idea with a large dog in the house who could easily join in the activities if she smelled bacon wafting down from the bed. 🙂

12 Gail { 11.18.11 at 11:49 am }

Sharing for next week.

13 Tigger { 11.18.11 at 12:18 pm }

I am absolutely in LOVE with the twins’ word problems. If either one becomes a teacher or tutor, the students will have a blast. It’s fascinating watching them grow and develop, and that’s just the 10% (maybe!) of their lives that we see – how much more fascinating it must be for you?!

14 Alexicographer { 11.18.11 at 12:23 pm }

What I love best about the bacon lube pitch is this, “the gold standard of meat flavored massage oils.” See, I had no idea this was even a category (How embarrassing! What a sheltered — boring? — life I lead!), much less one that had a gold standard.

15 Becky { 11.18.11 at 1:04 pm }

What a fantastic stocking stuffer for some bacon lover out there (like my husband). Now, if only the smell of bacon didn’t make me gag…

16 Becky { 11.18.11 at 1:07 pm }

Also, Biogirl has a great post today about her little boy’s love of dancing. It made me smaile and teary eyed all at once.


17 geochick { 11.18.11 at 2:13 pm }

Bacon lube – can’t I’m not sure I can ever look at bacon again without dissolving into giggle fits.

Happy Belated anniversary!

18 Tara { 11.18.11 at 2:24 pm }

But what we all want to know is, is the bacon flavored lube TTC-safe?

19 Mo { 11.18.11 at 3:06 pm }

First of all, your kids are awesome. Have I mentioned that lately? Because they are. Second of all – everything is better when it’s bacon flavored, so lube – it makes sense! I’ll jump on that bandwagon!
I wanted to nominate Scrambled Eggs’ post for second helpings, so I’m so glad you put her on the roundup. She’s an awesome writer.

20 Detour { 11.18.11 at 3:42 pm }

EWWW, bacon-flavored lube! That is revolting!

Her Royal Fabulousness had a lovely post about relating to her late grandmother differently now that she herself is going through IF and loss: http://detourtomotherhood.blogspot.com/

21 Erica { 11.18.11 at 3:57 pm }

Love those word problems!

As for the bacon lube – just, a world of NO. *shudders*

22 Sharon { 11.18.11 at 4:38 pm }

Wow. Bacon-flavored lube. They say bacon flavoring is becoming more widespread, and now I’ve heard it all. (Although I must admit, there are men I dated in my much younger days who might have actually used and appreciated this product.)

23 Lori Lavender Luz { 11.18.11 at 5:50 pm }

Think of all the peace and harmony we could have in the Middle East if everyone had access to Bacon-flavored personal lubricant!

Um, hold that thought.

The word problems are priceless but not as much so as your fantabulous children.

XOXO to them. And to you and that boy.

24 Kathy { 11.18.11 at 6:14 pm }

I loved your post about “The Gift of Comments” over on BlogHer and think it deserves a second helping on your blog round up next week and lots of comment love! 🙂


25 Another Dreamer { 11.18.11 at 6:43 pm }

Oh my. I just laughed so much over the bacon-lube… omg! Thank you for that!

So cute about the twins math problem. I love the Chickinob’s decision for the urgency in it, so adorable.

26 Kristin { 11.18.11 at 7:25 pm }

First, I laughed with delight about your kids word problems. Then, I laughed about the bacon lube. But, I seriously lost it when I read Belle’s comment about egg flavored condoms.

27 Justine { 11.18.11 at 10:30 pm }

PORK. FLAVORED. NECTAR. I … am … laughing … so … hard … I’m … CRYING. : D

That is all. I need to go compose myself.

28 Her Royal Fabulousness { 11.18.11 at 11:34 pm }

Thanks Detour for the shout out!

29 Baby Smiling In Back Seat { 11.19.11 at 1:40 am }

Anabegins wrote a post with such a poignant ending.

30 Detour { 11.19.11 at 7:49 am }

Crap, apparently I have problems with cut and paste! Her Royal Fabulousness’s post about her grandmother is here: http://waitingforlittlefeet.blogspot.com/2011/11/letter-to-my-grandmother.html

31 JustHeather { 11.19.11 at 9:16 am }

Pork flavored lube, I think I’m scarred for life! lol. My husband just asked how is it any different from strawberry. I replied: a lot!

I am sure if more of my maths (<- that is correct!) problems were like Wolvog and ChickeNob's, I would have continued to love mathematics in school.

32 JustHeather { 11.19.11 at 9:27 am }

p.s. My husband suggested a Marmite (yeast) flavored lube (instead? in addition?).
That is just so nasty on so many levels!

33 St. Elsewhere { 11.20.11 at 3:38 am }

I would totally want to be in ChickieNob’s maths class. She was the missing ingredient I guess….I was always stuck with trains going and coming and water flowing and emptying….oh how many apples!

And for the next roundup, I have a beautiful gem from The Lucky Life:

Post Title: Gandhi and Gestone
URL: http://theluckylife.wordpress.com/2011/11/18/gandhi-and-gestone/

I loved that post….

34 loribeth { 11.20.11 at 11:48 am }

I have trouble commenting on Emily’s blog, & I’m not really into the Twilight thing… but of course, you have to be living under a rock not to know the barebones of the storyline… and I thought her recent post comparing her pregnancy to Bella’s was brilliant:


35 loribeth { 11.20.11 at 4:58 pm }

I Lost a World shares a brilliant video she stumbled on, about Christmas cards, infertility and the definition of family. The twist is, she realized it was done by someone she knows.


36 Blanche { 11.21.11 at 12:15 am }

Written on the 20th, but I can’t wait for next week or I’ll forget to post it. VA Blondie wrote a beautiful post on the unexpected depth of scars both figurative and literal, finishing with the line “Scars do heal, but they leave a mark.” http://vablondie.wordpress.com/2011/11/20/scars/

37 Manapan { 11.21.11 at 5:17 am }

Dude. Mel. Do you know if baconlube is kosher? I know some of their products are. The info for the lube wasn’t on the site though. What I don’t know is why this atheist cares about kashrut… but I do!

38 Dresden { 11.21.11 at 9:53 am }

somewhere there is a VERY wrong Miss Piggy joke about baconlube…and by “somewhere” I mean it’s totally living in my brain. heh

39 RelaxedNoMore { 11.21.11 at 2:08 pm }

Hi there. You’re my first stop on ICLW, and here you go and make me all jealous that I live in Germany: we don’t have bacon-flavored lube here.. so not fair! This is so hilarious – you made my day! Thanks so much 🙂
Oh, and the maths problems are really cool!

40 Vee { 12.01.11 at 6:15 am }

Bahahaha I can’t stop laughing. Baconlube!! ??

41 smiling scar { 12.10.11 at 4:45 pm }

wow.. thanks for the laughs. bacon lube!!! i still aven’t caught my breath

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