It Sucks to be the Adult
I had this sucks-to-be-the-adult moment on Friday while we were getting ready to go out to the butcher. I opened the front door and saw a cricket in the top of the door frame. The kids had already walked through the door and I panicked and slammed the door on them, then opened it and shrieked for them to come inside, and then slammed the door again once they were behind me.
“There is a cricket in the door frame,” I explained.
“But crickets can’t hurt you,” the ChickieNob told me.
“They don’t even have mouths,” the Wolvog said. (I personally think this may be incorrect, but I’m not going to Google crickets to find out.)
“Will you go outside and kill it?” I asked, knowing full well that there is no possible way for them to reach it.
“No way,” the ChickieNob shivered.
And it freakin’ sucks because as the only adult in the house, it was my responsibility to go knock it away. But the only way to knock it away would be to run underneath it. So I came up with a plan: I would open the main door, throw open the screen door and jump out, and the twins would slam the main door behind me so the cricket couldn’t jump in while I knocked it away. Fantastic plan.
(First, though, I wasted a five minute chunk of time explaining to the twins why they don’t want to grow up and become the adult because you have to do stupid shit like this.)
Everyone was ready. I grabbed a fly swatter and a bottle of bug spray and opened the door — slowly — and checked to make sure it was still in the frame. Then I bolted through the second door and the Wolvog slammed the front door on me. Triumphantly past the cricket and in a position to actually get rid of it, I turned around to see THE FREAKIN’ SNAKE!
It was actually not the original snake. This one was black and only 2 or 3 feet. It was skinnier. BUT DID I MENTION THAT IT WAS A SNAKE?
So I have the cricket in front of me and the snake behind me.
Because I’m an idiot, I was actually more fearful of the cricket.
After snapping a picture of the snake with my blackberry (because that’s what you do in these sorts of situations), I went to work trying to kill the cricket with bug spray. But the thing wouldn’t die. It kept creeping around the door frame. Luckily, a man was out walking his dog and he came by and helped swat it away for me. He also told me to leave the snake alone because it was “great for eating mice.” Which is all well and good, but did I mention that means we’re living around a SNAKE?
The man also turned out to be a plumber/electrician and lived in our neighbourhood, so I took this opportunity to make a new friend since he seemed totally fine with the idea of replacing our exterior lights and seemed like the sort who would come over and catch a snake for me if it ever got in the house. Because, again, this entire time we’re talking, there was a black snake a few feet away.
I never want the twins to grow up, but part of me feels like the trade-off for becoming teens is that the responsibility on cricket killing and snake handling gets spread around. I may still need to be an adult and pay the bills, but at least we can play rock, paper, scissors to see who is going to get the bug. (Please let me always win, please let me always win.)
The twins and I like to play a game in the car sometimes called “The Best Part of / The Worst Part of” where we name the best and worst things about being a kid or an adult.
For instance, the best part of being an adult is that if you want to have cookies for lunch, you can have cookies for lunch and no one can stop you. The worst part about being an adult is that if a snake gets into our house, I’m going to have to put on my big girl panties and deal with it.
What do you think the best part and worst part about being an adult is?
30 comments
That is all sorts of ridiculous. I can’t believe there was inter-species cooperation in this attack. And now you have TWO snakes? Yikes.
You know, I think when the twins become adults, you can just order them to deal with the crickets. You don’t have to play rock, paper, scissors. You’ve had your turn, it will be theirs then. Plus, if they are both going to be all SENSIBLE with their crickets can’t hurt you and crickets don’t have mouths, it sounds like they won’t even mind. (I checked. The internet says that yes, crickets do have mouths. But they don’t have enough power to break the skin, so it doesn’t even matter if they bite.)
The worst part about being an adult for me is that when I am sick I have to go grocery shopping, bathe the kids, and pick up the house even though I just want to crawl into bed and have my mommy take care of me.
The best part about being an adult is that I am married to another adult who loves me, and that adult sent me to bed the day I picked him up from the airport and hasn’t let me do a thing around the house since. Even though it is Father’s day.
Mel, you need pets. Cats will chase and eat crickets for you, and if you have a good hunter it will keep the snakes away too. I have not seen a live snake, rabbit, mole, mouse, or bug around here in ages. One of our cats has even been known to kill possums and squirrels. Thankfully, there is plenty of easy prey on the ground so they leave the birds more or less alone.
I am not afraid of snakes but it would f*cking wig my shit out if I turned around and unexpectedly had one practically at my feet. God bless you, child! And, while I agree that they may be ‘great of eating mice’, I sure as hell would not want them doing so while living in proximity to my house. And to think there are two or more? Get thee to an exterminator (and I would have absolutely trapped that one under a box until I could call a snake wrangler in to get it.
The best part of being an adult is being able to make and execute decisions (where/what to eat, where to go, what to buy, when to go to bed, how many cocktails to have). The worst part of being an adult is being able to make and execute decisions (IVF? PGD? DE? Surrogacy? Adoption? Nothing?)
Laughing out loud right now. I fear typing this, as I might scare you, but do snakes eat crickets? If they do, would that make you want the snake around?
I need to add….I HATE spiders. And while I know spiders eat other bugs, which I’m not really fond of either, spiders are not allowed to live in my house. Period. And for some reason, we have MONSTER spiders. Like, the body is at least as big as a nickel, and then the legs make it as big as a half dollar. I’m not exaggerating. It is always my Josh’s job to kill spiders, but if he’s not home, then it must be killed, because killing it is not as bad as letting it live and being scared of where it is living in my house.
And I also wanted to add, for some reason, cats really like crickets. We used to have a lot of crickets in our basement growing up, and our cats would go down there and hunt them. But they wouldn’t kill them–they’d just rip off their legs.
I’m reading this comment, and I’m realizing that I’m coming off as a cruel, cruel person. But I’m just so scared of spiders crawling all over me! And I wouldn’t like a cricket doing that either!
Did you have to publish the picture??!! eeeekkkkk
The thing that sucks about being an adult is knowing the onus is on you to take care of things like this, whether it’s doing it yourself, or calling someone to help (& feeling idiotic while doing it). As Chickenpig said above, sometimes you just want your mommy or daddy to take care of you, still. Even if you are 50 years old.
My DH and I agree that the worst part of being adults is the financial responsibility. The best part we can’t agree on. He says it’s being able to do whatever you want. I challenged that as an adult you can’t because you have financial considerations and then everyone else’s wants that you have to deal with. He reframed it to under that adults have the capacity to do whatever they want but I still don’t believe that is true. I do believe that as adults we have more choice than children so maybe that is the best thing. I really don’t know. You’re going to have me pondering this all day.
Want to talk about irrational bug fears? I am scared of ants. Big ones, little ones, doesn’t matter. I have a good reason to fear them, sorta, but it’s still irrational – unless they are fire ants, they aren’t going to hurt me. I have gotten this fear somewhat under control since having Colson – apparently the fear that they are going to crawl on him is greater than my fear of them in general, as I am now able to at least kill them instead of abandoning whatever area they are in.
Worst part of being an adult? Always having to be responsible. Fiscally, too. I miss the days of being a teen where even though I didn’t have much money, I didn’t really notice because there weren’t any things that required it except gas in my tank and having fun. Now? Well, things are very tight. They were before we got pregnant and now we’ve added a child.
The best part? My husband. I know that doesn’t always go with being an adult, but this time it does. He understands me like no other ever has. He’s helpful around the house, romantic when I let him, has the patience of a saint, and is generally a fantastic man.
That is both horrible and hilarious at the same time. Now, your problem is this – you should have faked away your fear of crickets so the twins would develop a nonchalant attitude towards bugs. Then you could hand them the fly swatter (which, uh, NOT strong enough to smash that tough cricket exoskeleton. Next time try a shoe) and the bug spray and say “You’re faster – take care of that thing for me.”
Best part of being an adult…hmmm, I don’t really know. I always say I want to return to being 8 years old when I had no responsiblities beyond riding my bike around the block. 🙂 The worst part is that you know too damn much and are therefore semi-required to make the proper, ethical, morally correct, healthiest decision, rather than the easiest, tastiest, fastest decision.
We had a giant rat snake hanging out on our chimney, digesting his latest meal (gross), and it freaked me out. I was scared he was going to climb into our attic somehow and get into the house. We looked them up online, and it turns out in Maryland, you’re not allowed to kill them even if you wanted to! They are protected. Luckily, we have a dog and cat who manage to scare off most of the wildlife from getting too close to us!
I can’t believe no one is standing up for the poor cricket here! What is the matter with you people! They are beautiful, sweet creatures… has no one read ‘The Cricket in Times Square’? I have a gorgeous photo of my little boy with a cricket (maybe it’s a grasshopper… I’m not sure the difference) on his hand. He held it right up by his face for the picture, then he tried to kiss it and it hopped away! He fell rolling in the grass (probably with a bunch of ants!) laughing his guts out!! Please don’t kill the crickets… they don’t want to do anything but sing for you!
xo
I’m so sorry, but I’m sitting here cracking up! I was irrationally afraid of all such creepy crawlies for a long time until I worked at a camp in the woods of Minnesota with a bunch of fraidy-cats! None of us would kill them, so I finally prevailed and started demolishing them. Then when I headed to Korea, the cockroaches aka small flying ponies about did me in. Way to be the adult! Can I have some cookies now?
Two things: 1 – was there not another door you could go out? 2 – Couldn’t they stand on a chair and kill the cricket?
I’m all for child labor when it comes to bug killing.
Yeah. My kids expect me to kill spiders, which I think is totally unfair, because we are ALL bigger than the spider.
I am mildly (read: terribly) horrified by your snake. If you ever find that thing in your house, you should just move. Leave your stuff behind and move.
When I read posts like this, I know I will never, ever see you in Australia. Sigh.
Best part of being an adult: gestating. What a f*$&ing amazing thing to have a chance to do.
Worst part of being an adult: gestating. Too 5 years, 14 fresh stim cycles, the loss of a perfect bub, 4 frozen cycles, 7 IUIs, and an ovum donor. And I still can’t enjoy it because it’s so f*$&ing and I’m so damaged by the journey taken to get here!
I love that you were more scared of the cricket than the snake! Come to New Zealand – we don’t have snakes. Any. At all.
Best part of being an adult: being able to travel wherever and whenever we want. (Well, within reason/finances etc).
Worst part of being an adult: Easy. Having to work.
Oh boy….I can’t even think about the pros and cons of being an adult…that snake picture did me in. Now I’m totally going to have nightmares!!!! 🙂
so funny, because as I started reading about the cricket, I thought, wow. where’s that snake when she needs him? snakes would probably eat crickets. heh.
you know, that bug spray is FAR worse for you than any of those things. that said, I’d freak the eff out if a huge ass snake was right by my door too.
I agree you probably need a very loud pet to keep these things away.
HA! I can so tell you are a city girl. The dude was right, let that snake eat all the other yuckies that you don’t like around your house! Hard to know if its a good snake or bad snake. But either way, I just leave them alone. And the cricket, HA! I’ll just have to take you fishing one time and let you see why crickets are marvelous! ;o)
Hmm, when you are an adult, I find I have to tote everything with me. When I was in school, up until probably the 4th grade or so, I had a CUBBY! And, I had a Daddy to bring whatever I needed and he never failed me. So, no cubby=adulthood, and now I have to carry all the junk around.
Pros- Now,I have ALL MY OWN favorite stuff I tote around.
I am in total agreement w Lucy about spiders. I never liked them crawling on me, and I hated walking into webs, but I wasn’t scared of them. Then, I found out that the woman at work who used to do my job got bitten by a spider, lost a big chunk of flesh on her hand, and was hospitalized for a week. She got bitten on the job…doing the job I was doing. YIKES. Now I’m terrified of the little buggers. I don’t care how many bugs the damn things eat, stay out of my house or die!
Laughing about your story! Talk about a rock and a hard place. Or a bug and a reptile place.
The worst part about being an adult is the ongoing call to sublimate your own needs/wants for those of others.
Which can also be the best part. In the (very) long run.
You just had to post a picture! I just scrolled past the rest of your post after seeing that, you must be braver than me cause no way would I stand there and take a picture! Now ill be freaked out all day!
I had to be an adult this weekend too. There was a huge spider on my kitchen counter when I went to make breakfast. My husband is out of town and my daughter is 4 (not quite old enough for me to make her get it – although she found it interesting). I couldn’t find any bug spray and it was sitting right next to a bowl of fresh fruit that I didn’t want to douse in bug spray, so I tried window cleaner, which of course just made it scurry off to somewhere that I couldn’t see. So I spent the rest of the weekend looking for it every time I came in the kitchen. It sucks to be the only adult in the house sometimes. I can’t believe your snakes! That would totally freak me out!
You were more scared of the cricket than the snake? That creepy, horrible-looking snake? No way!!
Best part of being an adult: having your own house, decorating it like you want, watching tv until the wee hours of the night, if you want.
Worst part of being an adult: Procreation has been fraught with one disappointment after another, and I don’t know when it will end and no one, not even my mommy can help me.
AHHHH! That is a truly horrifying story!!
Worst part: The awesome, scary responsibilities. Especially if you’re anxious, it can be overwhelming.
Best part: not having to be in 7th grade EVER again. Shudder.
No, wait. Crickets and snakes (well, most snakes and certainly THAT snake) are our friends! There’s not much for which I thank my dad, but I do thank him for teaching me not to be afraid of snakes, and how to catch them, and such. No similar lessons with crickets, I don’t think it ever occurred to any of us to be anything but delighted with crickets. Each fall we’d rescue one or two (from the cold) and put them in the aquarium with our hermit crab … fed them lettuce, the cricket/crab combination peacefully co-existed, and we loved the signing (from the cricket, not the crab). The crickets never lasted ’til spring, sadly, I think they are annuals rather than perennials. But, really, Mel, no cricket killing! I’m OK with smushing cockroaches and mosquitoes, and flushing ticks, though.
Worst part of adulthood … probably dealing with my dad as he declines into dementia, or maybe having to be the grownup (to my kid) when he’s sick, etc. Best part for me is having gotten lucky enough to be a mom, though the 24/7 nature of motherhood sometimes wears me down!
er … loved the singing, not the signing. We never taught either crabs or crickets (much less snakes) to sign terribly well.
Crickets are good luck. Killing a cricket is bad luck. Not sure if it’s like a 7 year bad luck like a mirror or just a day’s worth of bad luck. I always heard if you kill a cricket your cow goes dry. Maybe that’s the only bad luck it brings so if you don’t have a cow – you don’t have bad luck.
The snake would have ended up fertilizer – no matter how many “good” things it eats. The only good snake I’ve ever met is a dead one.
The best thing about being an adult – eating popcorn and chocolate for dinner if you want. The worst thing about being an adult – having to do what you have to do even when you don’t want to do it.
WHAT is going on there? I think of Maryland as quaint, historic…land of crab cakes and all that. I do *not* think of it as some burgeoning wildlife preserve. We reserve that right out here in the “wild west” (all of just a few miles from downtown we’ve had repeated coyote sightings in our urban neighborhood!).
I would have peed my pants to see both at the same time.
Best part – getting to stay up late and eat cookies (this was my definition of “the fun things adults get to do” when I was a kid and I still think it holds up pretty well).
Worst part – loss of innocence. It’s hard to find the same carefree enjoyment in a summer day that I remember from when I was a kid. Sometimes it’s financial worries, sometimes it’s worries about work/career/future generally. But it all adds up to the same thing.
I just love this post. You know what I love about it? Everything.
I love that you were more afraid of the cricket than the snake which is, of course, ridiculous, even though your snakes over there are not that poisonous compared to ours (heh – sorry, had to get a little bit Crocodile Dundee on you there for a moment, it’s something they drill us on in preschool). I love the plan about the snake, I love that you made it. I love that you used the opportunity to spend five minutes lecturing the twins on the downsides of responsibility. I love that you play a pros and cons game in the car, teaching them to see both sides of a situation (I must remember that one).
Anyway. I was a cool post. And your new friend is right about the snakes.
Bea