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315th Friday Blog Roundup

As I said last week, I started running again in the morning, and my body is finally getting accustomed to waking up at 6 am and shlepping downstairs to workout.  I’ve purchased a nice, new, BPA-free camelbak water bottle as a reward.

I didn’t weigh myself for a week, wanting to see that big loss rather than the few measly ounces I might see in a day.  After 6 days of hauling my ass downstairs to run (okay, and after a short trip to Hershey), it turned out that I HAD GAINED 1.3 POUNDS.  Yes, gained.  As in not only did I not lose weight with my sleep sacrifice, but I actually gained weight.

I almost torched that princess castle on Wuhu Island in my rage.

So I’ve upp’ed the workout and cut out all the lovely treats we have in the house.

Being a grown-up is hard.


We have been playing around with the idea of getting a pet — most likely a hamster.  Part of me thinks it’s a terrible idea: I don’t need another thing to take care of that isn’t a human baby.  It will be one more headache to deal with when we travel.  I’ll have to buy it food and clean its cage and … did I mention that it would become one more thing?

And part of me thinks it’s a terrific idea: that animals teach compassion and responsibility to kids.  That having a pet is an integral part of growing up.  And perhaps the most important point — they’ll never be able to come up with a porn star name if they don’t have a first pet.

A hamster fits our space constrictions and is furry and cute.  But yesterday, the twins informed me that they now want a guinea pig (which wouldn’t fit in the space I’ve allotted for a pet’s cage) named Andrew Sparkles*.  They told me they wanted a name that no one in their class had so they wouldn’t hear the teacher say the shared name and spend class time daydreaming about their pet.  Fair enough.

But Andrew is the name of my ex-bi-boyfriend who broke up with me when he realized that he wasn’t actually attracted to women.  How am I supposed to procrastinate from doing work by talking to our pet if he shares a first name with my ex-boyfriend?  And Sparkles?  How can I forget my Andrew’s disco-ball-like shirt with an unfortunately-paired name like that?

When I explained that I couldn’t have a pet named after my ex-boyfriend, they informed me that this name was already a done deal.  It was not up for discussion.  Josh has been amusing himself by making up terrible pet names out of all the names of our ex’s paired with a noun from the reason we broke up.  It’s a fun game — try it.


Instead of the Weekly What If: Take the first name of a past boyfriend, girlfriend, friend, or frenemy, pair it with an unfortunately accurate noun or adjective that ties into the reason you’re no longer with this person, and create your worst-pet-name.


And now, the blogs…

I love love love this post by Edenland about speaking at a conference about blogging.  She writes, “I told my blogging story. My big, fat, messy, wonderful, terrible blogging story. That story is all mine … all of the ups and downs and joy and mire that I put in here. I am the expert on it, so I spoke much more freely … (and openly!) … than I had originally intended.”  I love posts like this, just as much as I love blogging itself.

In a similar vein, Love, Hope and Faith has a post about her 500th post.  She asks for an uncreated word: “What is the word for things that happen on the inside of you? For things that cause you to feel more emotions and intensity than you ever have before?”  I’ll admit that I cried when she said that her friendships have grown as her boy has grown.  And what a long, strange trip it’s been.

Once a Mother has a post about the hour-long disc they have of their daughter’s life.  They watched it once, right after she died, and they haven’t watched it again.  She writes so achingly: “The videos ended. The nightmare continued.”  She asks: “Can one simultaneously live and grieve?”  It is such an amazing and moving post; you need to read it in full.

Lastly, Mrs Spock has a post (amongst other things) about finding a connection with the coach’s sister at a dinner.  There is a pause after a question is asked that she recognizes, that hesitation that speaks volumes.  In their conversation, another woman adds her experience with loss, and it brings to the forefront this quiet sisterhood.

The roundup to the Roundup: I can’t believe I gained weight this week. Andrew Sparkles, our future pet.  What would be your ill-named pet?  And lots of great blogs to read.

*Names have been changed to protect the not-so-innocent as well as future pets.


1 Michelle { 11.19.10 at 9:27 am }

Kyle Crazy

2 Brenna { 11.19.10 at 9:38 am }

Hah! Josh Wish-Wash
(sorry Josh–my ex-Josh is certainly not your Josh!)

3 a { 11.19.10 at 9:43 am }

Why would I curse a poor pet, when I could just call the ex that name? My high school boyfriend will eternally be Peter the Dick. (Because he was stupid enough to think that kissing another girl in front of my best friend was not going to get back to me…not because of anything anatomical).

4 Geochick { 11.19.10 at 10:20 am }

David Duper.

I think a little weight gain when you first start exercising is kind of normal. Hopefully next week you’ll see a big drop! When I was losing weight it always took two weeks for the number to budge. Totally weird.

5 unaffected { 11.19.10 at 10:23 am }

Randy Noncommittal


Billy NeverAround

6 manymanymoons { 11.19.10 at 10:28 am }

I recently lost 20 pounds and had the exact same, suicide by actually banging my head directly onto the scale, experience. I was so deflated that I wanted to quite. My husband wasn’t having it, so I kept at it. Eventually it was like the scale finally tipped (no pun intended) and it started to come off. It will for you too. Keep at it.

Your post about the animal cracked me up. My pet would be named John Closet Racist!

7 Lori Lavender Luz { 11.19.10 at 10:34 am }

Johnny Narcissist (http://writemindopenheart.com/2008/03/youre-so-vain-you-probably-think-this-post-is-about-you-2.html)

I love re-reading Roundup posts with your commentary in mind.

8 Kristen { 11.19.10 at 10:44 am }

Charlie Cheater (God, I love alliteration)

I’m not one of those people who feels like exercise is energizing, cathartic or in any way enjoyable, so I when I sacrifice sleep or relaxation time in order to exercise, you’d better believe that scale is going to show me some results or its going to be subjected to my wrath 🙂

9 loribeth { 11.19.10 at 11:06 am }

Tim Letsjustbefriends (i.e., you’re cramping my style)(who later hit on my SISTER, in front of me, while drunk at a party). (He knew she was my sister too. Jerk.)

I’ve told you this story before, Mel, but I Googled him awhile back, & just about fell out of my chair laughing. He is now married to a devout Christian who runs a women’s ministry!! & has FOUR DAUGHTERS. The Lord works in mysterious ways, indeed…!!

10 Quiet Dreams { 11.19.10 at 11:13 am }

Brandon Strangelove.
(I thought that sounded better than Brandon Weirdo.)

11 Tara { 11.19.10 at 11:16 am }

Rob Girl-In-Every-Port. He was (is?) in the Coast Guard and had more affairs than I wish to remember.

I wouldn’t recommend a hamster as a first pet. They’re actually quite a lot of work, stay up in the middle of the night, and bite. *looking down at her scarred hands*

12 JJ { 11.19.10 at 11:24 am }

I usually end up gaining the first few weeks of a new workout–it makes me SO MAD. But seriously, GO YOU! Keep it up 🙂

Martin Asshat.

13 tash { 11.19.10 at 11:28 am }

I’m too chicken to give real first names, especially since the one is a bit, er, unusual. But the first would be “[ ] the Pompous,” (although “[ ] Asshole” would work just fine), and the second “[ ] Weeper” is a bit cruel I suppose, but accurate. “[ ] HolyshitamIgladIbrokeupwithyou” is a bit of a mouthful.

Sorry about the weight gain. I guess there’s a reason I haven’t owned a scale since moving out of my parent’s house.

I kinda ditto above on hamsters not being a super first (or in my case, third) pet. Fish are nice.

14 onceamother { 11.19.10 at 12:24 pm }


I ALWAYS gain at the start of a workout routine before losing. Always. Don’t lose faith – all your hard work is going to pay off.

BTW I am beyond moved that you chose one of my posts for your roundup, even more so that it was this one in particular – it was a very difficult post for me to write.

15 Felicity { 11.19.10 at 12:38 pm }

You can’t love a woman and cheat on her too. Asshole.

Thankfully we named our dog Feeney instead.

And I totally gained 5lbs in a week after running nearly every day and not eating too much. I was furious. Thankfully that bloat is gone this week.

16 Lollipopgoldstein { 11.19.10 at 12:47 pm }

I love these pet names (though now you are freaking me out about the hamster and making me think we should go with the guinea pig which is really too big for the space just because I know those don’t bite).

17 HereWeGoAJen { 11.19.10 at 1:20 pm }

I have… oh, wait, what was his name? Ah, yes, David Immature and an ex-friend, Courtney Selfish.

I had a hamster in college, it was okay. My roommate had a guinea pig, it sucked. And, um, Mel, get female hamsters. Male hamsters are quite…visibly male. (And if you blow on their giant hamster balls, they disappear temporarily. Hilarious.) Oh, and my nice hamster didn’t bite. The insane hamster Matt bought for me as a SURPRISE hamster (why did I marry him when he thought it was okay to buy surprise hamsters?) did bite, but he was clearly insane. The guinea pig sucked. A LOT. I hate all guinea pigs on behalf of that guinea pig. My college professor recommends rats as fantastic pets. He had a pair that lived in his desk drawer in his study.

18 Rebecca { 11.19.10 at 1:33 pm }

Stacey Why?

Existential, I feel.

19 Nelly { 11.19.10 at 2:33 pm }

Tiffiny Jealous Virgin
Sean Satan

NO RODENTS! They stink!!! My suggestion is to get a fish. One that can live in a bowl – not a tank.

20 PaleMother { 11.19.10 at 2:47 pm }

I’ve been trying to work up the courage to do Jillian Michael’s 30-Day shred. I’m just afraid it’s too far out of my league.

Do you read DoctorMama? She has inspired lots of non-runners with her “program” … Listen Up. Maggots. I might give it a try, if my knees cooperate (so not a runner). That or Couch to 5K.



21 Anna { 11.19.10 at 3:09 pm }

Have you considered a gerbil? Same size as a hamster, desert animals so they don’t drink/pee much, and after owning several each of gerbils, hamster and guinea pigs in my life I think this is the only rodent I would ever allow in my home again. I’ve never met a nice hamster and guinea pigs are sweet and dumb but they can be seriously LOUD, night and day. Gerbils have those freaky jerky movements though….

(can you tell we are currently pet free and totally cool with that?)

22 Melissa G. { 11.19.10 at 4:13 pm }

Jason LiedaboutNOTbeingavirgin – among other things. (told me three months after our first time together, that it was actually HIS first time EVER.) All in all, not a bad guy, just way to insecure for my taste.

Hey Mel, sorry about the weight gain. I spent a good part of this year losing 30+ lbs, and I gained the first week I started a heft excersize routine too. My friend who’s a doctor told me that it’s very normal because sore muscles retain water to repair themselves – so that is a possible reason. Don’t give up!!!

23 Eve { 11.19.10 at 5:14 pm }

I admire your running routine! Scales are evil. I don’t own one. I prefer to use the ‘can I button my pants?’ method of weightloss/gain determination. Recently, I got bigger pants (which is my way of setting the scale to -5).

Tom ChewsLikeACow has slipped off my radar into ex-boyfriend oblivion. And I for that I am grateful.

24 NotTheMama { 11.19.10 at 6:49 pm }

Those little frogs-in-a-cube are popular around here. You don’t have to feed them that much, rarely change their water b/c they come with a snail/plant/ecosystem thing, and they’re actually pretty funny to watch!
Micah OhWaitI’mGay
Chris ILikeLittleKidsMoreThanIsComfortableForAnyone
Yeah…I had a tendency to attract the best lol

25 Blanche { 11.19.10 at 8:55 pm }

Bruce Voyeur (Actually, it was of me, so that wasn’t so creepy. It was the long letter he wrote to apologize for doing so that tipped the scales.)

26 Bea { 11.19.10 at 10:49 pm }

Scales be damned. If your body is adjusting to the exercise routine, then you have won. Your metabolism is already changing for the better. Your arteries are already healthier. Your muscles are already tonier. Maybe you need to take a few extra measurements so you can prove to yourself how far you’ve come? Tape measure? HR monitoring? Km/hr?


27 Chris { 11.19.10 at 11:53 pm }

Awww, I’m so blushing at the sweet things you said about my ‘lil ole blog post!

You are so awesome for getting up early to exercise!

The only small pet I ever had was a classroom rat. She was white with pink eyes and named “Blossom”. She was actually very smart and sweet and a very nice class pet until she died 2 years later.

28 Manapan { 11.20.10 at 3:30 am }

Hahahahaha! Mark MarryMeINeedAGreenCard, Matt Manslut, Jason HadBeenToPrison, Jason Closeted, and Thomas Closeted (yes, the last two did go on to see each other). Wow, I haven’t thought about them in years.

Rats really are great pets. Female rats, anyway. They’re sweet, social, and very cuddly. Though if anyone in the family is allergic to other furry animals, you need to know that you can develop a rat allergy from having their claws poke their proteins into you. (It might be less risky with just one or two rats. I worked in a behavioral pharmacology lab and there were tons of them.)

29 Baby Smiling In Back Seat { 11.20.10 at 7:02 pm }

Jared Wiener (pronounced whiner or weener, take your pick)

30 Cricket { 11.20.10 at 8:13 pm }

James Cheater
Randy Mid-Life Crisis-er and Office Flirtation Later Married-er
Paul Cheater

I see a pattern here.

31 jill { 11.22.10 at 11:28 am }

Hmm I can’t think of a good name for my ex. He deserves something so much better than my imagination can come up with. I do love those porn name games though 🙂 haha

Just posting late to warn you against turtles. I don’t know if you’d ever consider getting one but, really, don’t. They get bigger, much bigger, and they live FOREVER. My poor sister got two turtles when she was in elementary school. When she moved out in her 20’s our mom made her take them with her. She will probably have them until she’s in her 40’s.

32 mrs spock { 11.27.10 at 11:31 am }

Hey, I made the roundup! Where have I been?

I actually gained weight on Weight Watchers. Have no idea how. I only lost 20 pounds over 2 years of utter starvation.

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