311st Friday Blog Roundup
I went over to Lindsay’s house and on the top step, as if he was waiting for me, was a cricket that was seriously the size of a small dog. On her top step. So I leaned forward and knocked on the door with my wimpy little knock and then ran down the steps away from the Hummer-sized cricket.
And she didn’t hear.
So I did the next best thing. I emailed her while standing on the sidewalk, my eyes trained on the cottage-sized cricket. 20 seconds later, she opened the door, gave me a look, flicked the cricket — which, by this time, was certainly the size of a McMansion — into the bushes WITH HER BARE HANDS.
That’s bravery.
Seriously, how can I be expected to sidestep a cricket the size of Buckingham Palace?
This is just one more reason I love technology.
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I went to the used bookstores to pick up some more Charlaine Harris books, and, understandably, there weren’t any on the shelf. The man working there noticed me looking disappointingly at the shelf and asked what I was looking for. When I told him that I wanted vampire smut, he said, “oh, yeah, we’re out of those books at the moment, but I have a really great book about Einstein for you.”
Einstein? Did Einstein fuck vampires? No? Then I’m not sure how that biography could possibly satiate my hunger for vampire sex scenes.
I walked around the store for a bit and then Josh was ready to check out. The man bit his lower lip as if he was thinking whether or not he should do something and finally he said, “I feel badly. Wait here one second. I have something for you.”
So what would you be thinking at this moment? That he knew that there were some Charlaine Harris books in the backroom that hadn’t been put out yet, but he was going to give me first-dibs on them. So I waited, excitedly, to see if they were ones I didn’t have, and he comes out with this book that looks nothing like a vampire romance. There was no blood on the cover, there were no sexy vampires. There was, in fact, a picture of a gun. And vampires, everyone knows, do not need guns.
For some reason, the man thought I’d like a book about Jewish gangsters. Apparently, my Semitic looks coupled with my love of vampire sex = Jewish gangsters. It turned out that Josh already had the book in the library at work so we thanked him and went on our way. But seriously, how can people not understand this? I want vampires. I want vampires having sex. I want vampires having messy sex and then taking a bath with their girlfriend afterward. Is that so wrong?
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The Weekly What If: What if you had to choose one font to use for every document for an entire year. Which one would it be, and why?
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And now, the blogs…
The Road Less Travelled has a post about Facebook status updates. The night before October 15th, she posted about her daughter, Katie, explaining that she often keeps her lost daughter close in to her heart. The story continues with what happened once she sent that status out there and how family reacted. And beyond that, it’s a rallying cry for more to be done for pregnancy loss, stillbirth, neonatal death, and infant death. You have got to read this post. And forward it others.
Nuts in May has a brief, wistful post called “No Kiss Goodnight” in honour of October 15th. It’s not a post I can describe — it is a tiny post that you need to experience. And read carefully, especially the last line.
Cloudy with a Chance of Hope has a post about surviving. She writes: “My heart is beating, albeit it is incredibly broken, but it still beats to let me know … I am here and there is so much more life to live!” I loved the tie-in to Sylvia Plath as well as the hope within the words.
Lastly, Baby, Boreno or Bust has a post contrasting her life now with her life back then. It serves as a reminder of how much things can change, even if it doesn’t seem possible when you’re in the middle of darkness. It is — simply put — a post about living, and I love these lines: “Looking back, it seems impossible that we jumped off that cliff and trusted that we would fly, but we did, and I must say, the views are just amazing. It feels so good to soar.”
The roundup to the Roundup: Lindsay saved my life from a giant, woman-eating cricket. Strange recommendations in place of vampire sex books. Answer the Weekly What If. And lots of great posts to read.
24 comments
SO funny! I feel the same way about the Charlaine Harris books! And then people tell me I should read the Twilight books, and I’m like, there’s no s-e-x in those! Hahaha. I guess I should be glad that the recommendations I get are at least in the same ballpark!
Also, thanks for your How To Get A Book Published Series. This is a great blog! 🙂
Generally, I just use whatever the default font is. However, due to the amount of internet criticism I’ve seen over the last few months, I am contemplating using only Comic Sans, because that’s apparently the easiest way ever to annoy a great number of people. 🙂
Mel, thank you for the shoutout. I always feel like I won the Oscar whenever one of my posts gets included in the roundup. : )
I’d like to add that Msfitzita showed even more Facebook bravery than I did that weekend, & you can read about it here:
http://peanutsmom.blogspot.com/2010/10/picture-this.html
As for fonts, I tend to use good old Times Roman most of the time. I use Garamond a lot for my scrapbook journaling. I’ve used Papyrus for my last few Christmas letters. There’s something elegant about it, I think.
And, you know, crickets make a very satisfying crunch when you step on them. But mostly, they hop out of your way when you get too close.
Great round-up, as always 🙂
If you want a really good vampire book–pick up Blood Oath by Christopher Farnsworth. I think you’ll enjoy it.
The cricket was waiting for you. I sent it. 😉
Thank goodness Lindsay flicked away the radioactive cricket that was the size of the formerly-known-as-a-planet Pluto. We were all doomed there for a moment.
Try the vampire series by JR Ward. Smutty, smutty vamps! Discovered them from another ALI blogger’s reading list.
I like a nice clean sans serif font, I need it to be easy to read, nothing fancy.
You better toughen up if you ever come to Australia because our bugs are HUMONGOUS! I’m just saying… 😉
Love the round up!
Ok I’ve been known to do that over a spider. And my little sister once? Sat down in the basement bathroom and played with make up and did her hair etc for a couple of hours as there was a spider (that turned out to be already dead) in her path to the door back upstairs that she wouldn’t pass. She couldn’t get my mom’s attention and there was also a bunch of stuff littered around it that she had thrown at it.
Dude. I’m a lesbian. I want more sexy Eric scenes. No, not want. NEED. I <3 Eric.
Eric is hot.
I'm going to lose my lesbian status aren't I?
Oh well. Eric is worth it.
And Damon. Vampire Diaries anyone??
There is great vampire sex in Christine Feehan’s Dark series.
Font: Tahoma, size 12. I use it all the time anyways, because it’s big enough for me to read comfortably. 🙂
I read part of a CH book and wasn’t all that impressed, but might have to give it another go. It’s hard to read any other “vampire lady porn” (as one male friend puts it) after Laurell K Hamilton’s stuff – it just seems watered down!!
Sorry about the lack of vampire smut.
This is the easiest What If for me to answer. Times New Roman without a doubt. It’s classic, clean, and just looks better than any other font. I’m smitten.
I would have done the same exact thing as you in regards to the cricket. Well, actually I may have just called/texted/emailed initially without ever venturing near the beast.
And sadly, I’ve been less than impressed with the fonts listed by your faithful. But, I’m a font snob, so what can I say? My font of choice would be Pakenham. It has been my favorite for several years running 🙂
Thanks for the mention, Mel. I had a crazy summer and I know you did, too, but one of my only regrets is that I didn’t get to connect with you in person while I was in DC before coming here. Ah well, you’ll just have to do a European book tour with the next book!
I always, always use Times New Roman. I don’t know why–it just looks right to me somehow. And I absolutely hate the sans serif fonts, and can’t bear to read them.
In lieu of smut, I can recommend making out with a guy who tells you afterward that he is a vampire and so is his friend, who is making out with your friend in another room while her parents are away at Disney World with the younger kids, and then threatens to kill your dog if you tell anyone. True story! (My dog died 4 years later of natural causes.)
(per the grasshopper) Do you have lubbers up there? Ever seen a lubber?
Yes. The need for vampire sex scenes is very specific. He is a man, so clearly has no concept. 😉
I like Arial, but Times New Roman would have to be my choice – it’s the expected font for playwrights to use as it is easiest to read.
P.S. I think that’s the first time I’ve seen you use the work “fuck” in a post. Hee hee. 🙂
I am absolutely terrified of slugs, myself. If one’s in the way, I won’t step over it. Got trapped in an out-house once in mid-January by a ferociously orange slug about the size of, well, I’m told it was about the size of a cigarette-butt really.
Fonts? My favourite font is Palatino.
Thank you for mentioning my post.
Thought I would visit the original for ICLW today 🙂 I tend to use Ariel (or is is Arial?) for my fonts, and I think it is a throwback to my college days as a way to make things longer. Times New Roman is too condense.
I am thinking that I need to start reading Charlaine Harris. I like me some vampire sex!
Wow. Hilarious post. Mr Bea laughed, too. He hadn’t caught up with your vampire smut thing, and he seemed a little perturbed, but I think he’ll get over it. I may not get over my vision of Einstein fucking vampires, and I’m not sure Einstein will, either. Although no doubt he would laugh it off.
Bea