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The Day the Doors Didn’t Open

There was no Virtual Lushary in August.

For the first time in over three and a half years, we forgot to meet here and catch each other up.  I didn’t remember until September 1st, one day too late to squeak an August meeting under the wire.  And then I let it go until now, wondering how I forgot this ritual.

Was I busy — yes, but there have been plenty of other times when I’ve been busy and noted that the 15th is rolling near and I’d love to touch base and hear how everyone has been.  I was, apparently, at the National Aquarium taking pictures of jellyfish, or I was in Brooklyn, searching for the ghost stroller.

So … hello.  Creakily pushing the door open and hanging out the “please come in” sign on the door.  Who will show and let us know how they’ve been?

As always, it has been about two months since we met, bitched, cried, comforted, and caught up each other on our cycles and lives. Pull up a seat and I’ll pour you a drink. Let everyone know what is happening in your life. The good, the bad, the ugly. My only request is that if a story catches your eye, you follow it back to the person’s blog and start reading their posts. Give some love, give some support, or laugh with someone until your drink comes out of your nose.

I have a ton of assvice in my back pocket and as a virtual bartender, I will give it to you unless you specifically tell me that this is simply a vent and you do not want to receive anything more than a hug.

So if you have been a lurker for a while (or if this is your first open bar), sit down and tell us about yourself. Remember to provide a link or a way for people to continue reading your story (or if you don’t have a blog–gasp!–you can always leave an email address if you’re looking for advice or support. If not, people can leave messages for that person here in the comments section too). If you’re a regular at the bar, I’ll get out your engraved martini glass while you make yourself comfortable. And anyone new, welcome. I’m glad you found this virtual bar.

For those who have no clue what I’m talking about when I say that the bar is open, click here to catch up and then jump into the conversation back on this current post.

So have an imaginary cocktail and tell us what is up with your life.


1 N { 09.15.10 at 2:42 pm }

I need an ice cream drink. Liquor and sweets, all at once.

I don’t even want to get into all of it, but needless to say, stress is currently my middle name.

2 Rebecca { 09.15.10 at 2:49 pm }

My husband found these great “Fall” spiced hard ciders. I’d love one about now.

Nothing momentous here. Just general stress, anxiety and a tinge of depression over all of it. Trying not to get my hopes up, yet again, but trying to to stay positive. Trying not to scream at everyone around me.

3 Genevieve { 09.15.10 at 3:02 pm }

Since it’s virtual, I can have a margarita. We have graduated to a real OB, and now I am freaking out trying to make plans to pay stuff and have everything ready by April. LOL. I am never able to relax…good news is, once I get to see the actual OB I will be able to back on the happy pills. Which hopefully let me relax into the excitement of this journey 🙂

4 Aunt Misfit { 09.15.10 at 3:05 pm }

Make mine a t&t. I’m feeling a bit bitter and sour with a chemical aftertaste, so gin and tonic fits the bill. I’m pretty good otherwise. Taking a break before a vacation and gearing up for the next pregnancy shennanigans and an out of state miscarriage expert. Lord knows it might be yet one more professional opinion on six unlucky ones.

5 It is what it is { 09.15.10 at 3:11 pm }

Gosh, where to start and be concise. We lost a dear friend this morning. My son’s god-father’s father. He was in his 60’s, out for a leisurely motorcycle ride on Saturday (as was often the case), had a stroke while riding, and between the stroke and extent of his injuries, he could not hold on. Our friend has two young sons, 6 and 3, and he is, at this moment, explaining why they won’t be seeing their beloved grandpa again. It is heartbreaking and makes me cry at the thought of it.

We submitted our first payment and first round domestic adoption paperwork after laboring over the decision whether to adopt for a year. Now, I’m stalled, not able to bring myself to write our profile and reconsidering whether to have another at all. This is heartbreaking given all the effort it took to come to this decision to begin with.

And, I’ve been writing about the accident that took my brother’s life and left me in a body cast for almost a year when I was eleven. It has been emotional and healing.

All this and I just feel spent. Luckily, the weather is gorgeous here which lifts my spirits and my 3 1/2 year old son brings me joy (and challenge) beyond measure

Can’t wait to catch up with others and add some new blogs to my roll.

6 Christina { 09.15.10 at 3:13 pm }

I’d like a double bacardi and diet w/ a twist of lime!

You caught me! I’ve been a total lurker on your blog! You have so many followers, I decided that I would just shyly stand on the sidelines, for the most part. Anyhow, let’s see- I have endometriosis and it’s caused a mess of problems! I am currently at the end of my recovery from a laparascopy turned laparotomy and resectioning of my colon (yes due to the lovey dovey endo)! I am now on a personal 6 month timeline to get knocked up before the shit hits the fan again!

Blog is- curseofthechewedbuddha.blogspot.com
Oh- and I am featured on TLC’s “A Conception Story” – check it out!


7 NotTheMama { 09.15.10 at 3:18 pm }

Work sucks. Too many accusations and lies, too much drama, backstabbing, and gossip for my taste.I just wanna go to work, do my job, and go home!
On a much better note, once we get a rail for our front steps, we can schedule our second home visit, then wait to be approved by the state to adopt.I’m ready to sit back and wait!

8 Jen { 09.15.10 at 3:33 pm }

I just need a beer! Maybe something a bit harder this weekend!

I am on hold right now…waiting for my insurance to kick back in. I will be doing my second IVF in January. Let me know if there are any others out there who are on the same timeline.


9 Blanche { 09.15.10 at 4:17 pm }

I’ll take a hairy navel and a kick in the pants. I’ve been procrastinating on proceeding with a decision I need to make. Nothing life and death but still very important to me in regards to how I see myself now and in the future.

10 Cortney { 09.15.10 at 4:36 pm }

How about a lovely chocolate martini–make mine a double!

I’m prepping to start our one and only IVF cycle next week, and got a call this morning changing my protocol. I already have the meds for the original protocol and had done my research and thought it was the best one for me. Now with the change, I’m back to using something that failed for me in a previous (IUI) cycle. It was enough to push me right over the edge this morning and a meltdown ensued.

11 a { 09.15.10 at 4:45 pm }

I think I’d like a vodka tonic…maybe I’ll make a real one tonight, as I did get an extra lime the other day.

Very many things going on right now…my husband is in Iraq for a couple months, I’m planning a birthday party for my daughter which may turn into a huge circus, and I’ve tentatively signed up for IVF at the end of November (depending on my husband’s location and what hoops the insurance company makes us jump through). I didn’t even think I was considering IVF, since I had given up after the last chemical pregnancy. But, then, my daughter asked for a baby (for the 8 millionth time) and my husband said “We have the resources and I think we should make the effort if we can.” So here I am…definitely needing a drink.

12 Rachel { 09.15.10 at 5:55 pm }

* I’m an adoptive mama, so if you’re TTC, you might skip me 🙂 *

I’ll take something fruity and frozen? Frozen strawberry margarita with a sugar rim, please!!

Teething…lack of sleep…broken furnace that needs totally replaced…and a surprise $500 dentist bill since insurance screwed us over. Just struggling learning to live on one income and balance marriage and parenthood. Probably shouldn’t complain about the parenthood aspect here, but it’s shocking how much change has come into our lives that we are still dealing with 8 months into the ballgame. But the biggest stressor this week is watching our money fly out of our account 🙁 … so thank God this is a free lushary!!!

13 Krystal { 09.15.10 at 6:10 pm }

Sign me up for a malibu and pineapple juice.

I just tested today @ 12dpo and got a BFN. We had a missed miscarriage in June and this was our first cycle back. I was hoping (obviously) for a different outcome. Needless to say, I’m bummed and using it as an excuse to eat what I want for supper tonight instead of counting points. Of course, I’m also dealing with a super-fertile sister and about a million pregnant facebook friends. I’ve literally had 3 announcements on there since Monday. It would be funny if it were on a movie, but unfortunately, it just makes me want a drink…

14 andrea { 09.15.10 at 6:32 pm }

A nice, cool, watermelon-tini will put me in the mood to put my feet up and connect with ya’ll here at the “bar”. This year, we adopted some BEAUTIFUL embryos after a 18 month wait. First time: pregnant! Than lost it at 7 weeks, then another pregnancy, which we lost at 5 weeks, then another, which didn’t quite happen — the first blood test the most promising ever, than a big long dark dive down. SO: not sure what to do now. That’s where I am. There’s no “cure”, they aren’t sure why it’s not working, but after 3 donor egg cycles and a miscarriage at 14 weeks and now 3 more cycles, well, I”m a little tired. Hard to imagine life w/out something you’ve been striving for, for so long. What is life like after9 yrs of infertility treatments? What do I say: no, I’m tired; no, I’m broke; or yes, let’s adopt? How does a person know what to do? When to let go, when to fight?

15 loribeth { 09.15.10 at 7:52 pm }

Woohoo, the Lushary!! : ) I noticed its absence last month; almost e-mailed you about it but I thought maybe there was a reason you wanted or needed to skip a month. ; ) Anyway, I’m glad it’s back. I will have a frozen margarita on the patio.

Work has been totally, ridiculously busy, & healthwise, I’ve been feeling decidedly perimenopausal lately. :p On the very bright side, dh & I are taking off soon for a holiday in honour of our recent 25th anniversary — the first non-family related getaway of any length we’ve taken in years. We are SO looking forward to it!

16 Heather { 09.15.10 at 7:57 pm }

I’ll take one of anything…surprise me!
I’m not cycling right now so I can drink…but oddly enough I still don’t drink in real life. Maybe I should. My blog is boring – out living life since it isn’t 1,000 degrees outside anymore and not cycling to blog about.

17 VA Blondie { 09.15.10 at 8:19 pm }

Sitting here with my glass of wine in hand, very exited to see the lushary open!

Had a very busy day today. It included taking baby to the doc because of an ear infection, the dog in for blood work, teaching, a few chores, and prepping for work tomorrow. That is not an all-inclusive list, and I did it all on crappy sleep. But we have started the antibiotic, and we administered ibuprofen this evening. We have hope for a decent night’ sleep. Not much, but it is there.

One thing I am celebrating today is that I have an interview for a part time position at an ambulatory surgery center. If it works out, it would mean a change of pace and hopefully a nicer work environment. Keeping fingers crossed.

I better stop here, as I am so tired, I can barely type….

18 Kate (Bee In The Bonnet) { 09.15.10 at 8:45 pm }

I’ll have a Ny-Quil and Lime.

H brought us a cold last Thursday and so was sick and largely unable to help with childcare this weekend. Both boys caught it by Monday and have been snotty messes. And now, I’ve got it today. Awesome. It’s their first cold, and other than suctioning their noses, I don’t know what to do for them. I also don’t know what I can or can’t take (I’m nursing, and I heard that suda.fed and the like can basically dehydrate you and potentially cause supply issues…). On top of the cold, both boys are extra drooly. And also extra barfy. And extra poopy. Oddly, pee is the only bodily fluid I haven’t had on me in the last couple of days. Oh, and Henr.y has decided to start boycotting bedtime. Fun!

Anyhow, yeah, I know. Cry me a river. Your boys are sick, wah, wah, wah. I’m really not expecting to win the Pity Award, I just feel like grumbling a bit right now.

19 Keiko { 09.15.10 at 9:20 pm }

It’s fall, so that means Sam Adams Octoberfest is on tap. I’ll take a large please.

So, I bought a house. Nearly didn’t close and at quite literally the 11th hour, our closing docs went on record at the Registry of Deeds and we got those keys in our hands. As a result, we got screwed out of $2100 at the closing table. It wiped out our savings. Also, we closed the day Hurricane Earl rolled into town.

Then just 9 days into our new house: an electrical fire in the wall of the living room. Everyone is physically safe and ok, but the whole room is trashed b/c firefighters had to axe in the wall and ceiling. The rest of the house? Smoke damage. Soot got EVERYWHERE. Did I mention we’d only been there 9 days?

It’s the High Holidays so I’m feeling weird about having dealt with a hurricane and a fire both as they relate to the house. Jamais deux sans trois, they say, so I’m just waiting for that last shoe to drop. I’m just feeling unsettled, especially with the notion that G-d is pondering my fate for the year as the Book of Life stays open this week. It’s a very weird head space to be in.

In real life, there’s been several bottles of Octoberfest as I ponder all of this. And as I seemed to realize today, didn’t I want a baby somewhere in all of this? I’m just looking for something, someone to ground me.

Thanks for listening.

20 Roccie { 09.15.10 at 9:25 pm }

Here binging on wine and caffeine until the donor bonanza begins – clinic TBD. I love being a light weight after so many cycles.

I feel like clinics manipulate the numbers to make you feel good. I want to go to The Mecca of The West (“TMTW” if you catch my drift) but I don’t know if we can afford it.


Grateful for the company.

21 Katie Z. { 09.15.10 at 10:40 pm }

Hmm…I don’t usually drink but a Frozen Strawberry Daquiri would be excellent right about now. We’ve had the windows open the past few nights and it’s slightly warm right now…the evening coolness hasn’t set in yet.

I probably shouldn’t have a drink right now since I’m in the middle of ovulating, but since it’s virtual, what the heck!

Nothing drastic going on here, just the first official month of TTC au natural (after 4 failed IUI’s, 1 failed IVF and 1 failed FET). Money constraints will do that. It’s funny to me to try to time doing the deed just right after so many months of taking drugs and having a doctor ‘do the deed’ for us. I’d forgotten the regular struggles that go along with this process. And I find myself thinking ‘so this must be how I felt in the very beginning.’ You know…before infertility became part of my daily language.

Cheers to everyone!

22 TasIVFer { 09.15.10 at 11:05 pm }

I haven’t had a real drink in sooooo long; please make it strong – like maybe a lime-y gin and tonic?

I’ve had another BFN. I’ve been through 14 OPUs, 3 FETs, 7 IUIs with donor sperm (not in that order) and one pregnancy – that ended in a late miscarriage. And the grief after each failed cycle now seems to be amplified – I don’t just grieve for the current loss but for every loss. My husband doesn’t feel this at all, and I don’t seem to have anywhere to turn. He’s now ready to give up trying, and I’m even more determined to not let my darling son be the only child I have. There’s a huge golf opening up between my husband and I.

23 Mic @ IF Crossroads { 09.16.10 at 5:46 am }

Hiya everyone! Glad the bar is back open. I’m all about a nice glass of red wine … surprise me!
In all reality I’ve got nuthin’ to bitch/vent about. AF made her appearance overnight and so I’m just to the point where I”m learning to get on with my new “normal” life.
Oh, and going back to work in 2 weeks … wait. Now THAT I can bitch about!

24 Lucy { 09.16.10 at 6:08 am }

I’d like a frozen margarita, please!

Just wanted to thank you for your e-mail! You were right on the spot on everything you said and it helped me to digest all the things that have been going on lately.

A big big thank you!! And a hug to the everyone else!!

25 Manapan { 09.16.10 at 8:04 am }

Apple Pucker and Sprite, please!

We’re short staffed at work, so I’ve been working nearly 50 hours each week. I’ve been pretending it doesn’t bother me that I only see my husband when I take him to and get him from work, and fruitlessly urinating on OPKs — even if one of the damn things DID show a surge, when would we have the chance to act on it?

Also online shopping with all my overtime money, bitching at corporations that are insensitive to infertiles, and waiting for my new glasses to come in the mail since my current pair are being held together by duct tape and super glue. Oh crap, the temple just fell off again. Meh, once the virtual drinks kicked in I’d have had blurry vision anyway, right? 🙂

26 Sami { 09.16.10 at 9:27 am }

Sangria please 🙂

Yum… lets see work is crazy. I currently work nights 7p-7a and an opportunity is going to present itself in the near future for me to work days 7a-7p… and I’m torn. I love nights. However with wanting to attempt to try and have a second child and having our 3 year old I wonder and worry which is better… and would it be better for my mom who is our nanny. And speaking of that hypothetical second child… when to go back to the RE… that’s an even bigger question. Decisions decisions…

27 Tara { 09.16.10 at 9:41 am }

I’ll take my usual margarita, no salt, please. We just found out that dear friends of ours are losing one of their twins at 18w after IVF #3. It makes us thankful that our twins are happy, healthy and thriving.

28 Allison { 09.16.10 at 10:47 am }

I’ll take a big glass of chardonnay, please! I <3 the Lushary!

After a summer of attempting IUI three times and only getting it actually done once (stupid body and stupid timing issues), I've decided to take the rest of the year to focus on other things. So I'm having a work-identity crisis. Plus, I caved and let Hubby enjoy a hot tub after his Half-Ironman earlier this month, so that's helping keep the TTC demons at bay, too.

Ho-hum, just another day in paradise (hey, that must be the chardonnay talkin'! Good stuff!).

29 Journeywoman { 09.16.10 at 12:31 pm }

I’d like a pineapple bomb please.

I’m looking at another Yom Kippur without having little hands to hold. It hurts. It just hurts.

Even though China adoption is moving (a little bit), the wait is going to be at least another year.


30 Nelly { 09.16.10 at 12:51 pm }

Black & Tan please :p Yummy!

Waiting to see if Auntie Flo will visit. Even though I feel PMSy I’m still clinging to a sliver of hope that I’m pregnant. The BFN line is getting stronger and taunts me each day, is that even possible? I don’t even know what a normal period means and if I’m “late” yet.

I wish I knew someone IRL that has had a miscarriage or struggled with infertility. I would have someone to cry with and vent with. I’m very thankful for the bloggers who carry on and make me ok. Cause somedays I’m just not ok by myself.

Thanks for the drink! Hoping I won’t be participating in the next belly up. Fingers crossed.

31 Shana { 09.16.10 at 2:03 pm }

Hey, this is my first open bar! I’m new to this site, loving it so far. I’d love a cosmo!

Hmm, about me – My 2010 has looked like this: February – miscarriage, March – father passed away, April – grandmother passed away, August – miscarriage. I do have a 2 year old son. Still hoping to give him a sibling. I blog about parenting, pregnancy loss, food, feminism, and other random stuff at http://schmoopybaby.blogspot.com.

32 Lynn { 09.16.10 at 5:47 pm }

I missed the Lushary last month! I’ll have my standard pina coloda, please.

In TTC news, I had my 6 week follow-up after my D&C for complex endometrial hyperplasia with my RE last week to see how I was doing on Megace. I told him I’d been having some cramping pain, so he did an u/s and determined that my lining was MUCH thicker than it should be on Megace and I had a 13mm follie that shouldn’t be there. So he decided I would come off Megace for a bit to start AF. I’ve been off the meds for a week and so far I’ve had a little spotting, but no AF as yet. Also, he gave me the fantastic news that my insulin resistance had moved over into actual diabetes (I’m being referred to a medical endocrinologist) and, after some killer high thyroid antibody levels earlier this summer, my TSH level is now skyrocketing and I officially have hypothyroidism. He started me on Synthroid. I’ve had a *awesome* week 🙁

Other than that, not much has been happening. Work is hellaciously busy, my mom had back surgery last week, so I’ve been playing nursemaid, my ankle has swollen up for no obvious reason and I feel tired enough to sleep for a year.

On the plus side, I’m giving my mom a birthday party this Saturday, which should be fun and The Hubs and I are going on a mini-break to see the Atlanta Braves play the Philadelphia Phillies in a couple of weeks and taking a trip to Zoo Atlanta while there. This is all leading up to my long-awaited vacation in a couple of months time!

Glad to see everyone else is still kicking along, despite us not getting to meet up last month!

33 Kristin { 09.16.10 at 9:58 pm }

Hmmmm, I’ll have a kahlua and Irish cream…yum yum. Life is pretty damned good overall even though my children were hellions today. I have a fun, fun bloggy surprise that I’m cooking up with two dear friends.

34 Jenn { 09.19.10 at 8:01 pm }

I know I’m a few days late to the party but I could use a kiddy pool sized margarita.

On the 8th of August I finally had my first baby. A son, we named him Jackson. Last Wednesday we spent the night in the hospital. My son inherated the blood disorder that runs in my family. He needed a blood transfusion. When we got home the next morning there was a snotty note on my counter from my mother in law about dirty dishes being in my sink. It’s been a long week.

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