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The Anxious Bartender: New York Edition

There was no weekend to my weekend.  Just a blur of work and tasks from the week before blending into the work and tasks of the weekend which is currently blending into the work and tasks of this current week.

And always, like the thumping base that drives dance music, there is the worry: who the hell is planning this Sunday get together in New York?

No, seriously, what are we doing?  Because currently, there is no plan in place.

Though a series of questions have been asked: who is welcome to come?  Obviously, anyone in the ALI community.  Is everyone cool if people bring partners in tow?  I’m assuming yes?  Okay, well, what about kids?  This is the sticky question and there isn’t going to be an answer that works for everyone.  Perhaps someone can take a vote?

And pick a spot that is not dependent on weather, that can accommodate 20+ people, and be inexpensive.  Because the bartender is drowning.

Wait, the other thing, please yank up a chair and tell us how you’ve been this past month.  Especially since not everyone is meeting up in NY this summer.  We can still meet up online right here.

As always, it has been about a month since we met, bitched, cried, comforted, and caught up each other on our cycles and lives. Pull up a seat and I’ll pour you a drink. Let everyone know what is happening in your life. The good, the bad, the ugly. My only request is that if a story catches your eye, you follow it back to the person’s blog and start reading their posts. Give some love, give some support, or laugh with someone until your drink comes out of your nose.

I have a ton of assvice in my back pocket and as a virtual bartender, I will give it to you unless you specifically tell me that this is simply a vent and you do not want to receive anything more than a hug.

So if you have been a lurker for a while (or if this is your first open bar), sit down and tell us about yourself. Remember to provide a link or a way for people to continue reading your story (or if you don’t have a blog–gasp!–you can always leave an email address if you’re looking for advice or support. If not, people can leave messages for that person here in the comments section too). If you’re a regular at the bar, I’ll get out your engraved martini glass while you make yourself comfortable. And anyone new, welcome. I’m glad you found this virtual bar.

For those who have no clue what I’m talking about when I say that the bar is open, click here to catch up and then jump into the conversation back on this current post.

So have an imaginary cocktail and tell us what is up with your life.


1 Foxy Popcorn { 07.19.10 at 12:13 pm }

Yeahhh, the lushery is open! I showed up a little late to the party the past few months, but happened to stumble in here just in time to get this one started. I’d love a mimosa. with some fresh berries. please. I’d start everyday with a mimosa if I could.

Whats up with me, you ask? For starters I am SO grateful that I found this place. It has been meaningful in a way that words just can’t express to be a part of this community and to have an outlet for all of my crazy mixed up thoughts. So, thank you Mel, Thank you EVERYONE!

I spent all day yesterday working on costumes for our upcoming vacation. Yep, Costumes, for vacation. We’re headed to a music festival in the beautiful northwest with a bunch of friends form college. I am so excited.

In other news, I am feeling unsure about the SA we have scheduled for next Wednesday. I want to feel hopeful that there will be sperm, but I know that the odds are against us. I want to be positive, but I need to protect myself from the disappointment. And if it is going to be disappointing news, I want to make sure that I have my support systems fortified so as to cushion my fall.

Thanks for having me! Love to all! – Foxy

2 Beth { 07.19.10 at 12:56 pm }

Since having a + test, I’ve really wanted almost anything alcoholic (isn’t that a kick?). Always want what you cannot have, right? But I think I’ll take a Sex on the Beach to follow suit.

Last month I confessed to finding myself pregnant after a relatively short (year and a half) stint of secondary infertility and just when we were at the last resort Chlomid cycle. First ultrasound show two sacs, one fetus, confirming my maternal instinct that something was off. But the doctor wants to re-ultrasound this next visit, which has caused total paranoia. Supported by a coworker’s sister having a miscarriage at 11 weeks (I’m 9 weeks along) and another coworker saying this “two sacs, one fetus” result being what she got at her first ultrasound when she had her twins a year ago. I’m not sure which rabbit hole to chase, but each comes with its own anxiety.

Wish I could be in New York to meet you all.

3 Kir { 07.19.10 at 12:57 pm }

hi 🙂
just drinking whatever today…I’ll buy a round!!!!

well if you read my blog, you’ll see what I’ve been up to…being 40 brings it’s own wonderful gifts, plus I swear Summer passes more quickly than another other season. I feel like it just started and yet I see the end and I’m sad.

the mirena is out, I swapped Zoloft for paxil, dropped 7 lbs and John swears I am a little more “mellow” …HOT DOG.

I will be having an eventful week of finally seeing two old friends and hosting dinner for a IF board friend and her family on Friday, I’m so excited to meet her.

Plus I’m looking to lunch on the 6th ,and getting to meet and hug some of you. Lots going on…but for the first time in a while it’s all good. 🙂

4 Christa { 07.19.10 at 12:59 pm }

Wait, what?! A conference in NY? I want to go! I live in CT and would love to meet some other bloggers. Is it free? Do you have to sign up? I hope my husband will let me attend!

Ok, time to calm down and order my usual chocolate martini. I’ve got my 29th birthday coming up next week (yikes! getting closer to the almighty 30) and I’m having a giveaway on my blog to celebrate. Though nobody has entered yet! I wonder if nobody wants to be the first person to enter. As for MY birthday present, the hubby and I are taking a trip to Six Flags New England. I just hope the weather cooperates!

5 loribeth { 07.19.10 at 1:11 pm }

I will have my usual frozen margarita on the patio, please. : ) Sadly, I will not be in New York (but I hope you all have a blast!). I will be recovering from my vacation, which is happening right now. ; ) I spent a mellow day yesterday, napping (which I rarely do) & devouring a novel (also rarer these days) — but the pace should be picking up shortly — my parents’ 50th anniversary party is Saturday & a big family reunion the weekend after that. I am really looking forward to seeing so many friends & relatives, some of whom I haven’t seen in years — but also just a teeny bit apprehensive about the unspoken reminders that my parents really should have grandchildren surrounding them on this milestone family occasion. Sigh. 🙁

6 Jessica { 07.19.10 at 1:33 pm }

My ectopic has finally just resolved. So I really have bellied up to the bar. This is my third loss in a year. All before 6 weeks. And, before that, I had tried for 3 years without success. We are running out of money and options (after 10 IUIs, 3 IVFs), and trying to decide what card to play next.

7 jill { 07.19.10 at 1:36 pm }

Nothing alcoholic for me please cause… you know… oh well who am I kidding? *sigh* Don’t even know where to begin but things have been falling apart lately. I’m having something like extreme anxiety when dealing with my job (mostly) and some other day to day stuff. My jog is the biggie – under-appreciated, bad management, blah blah, it’s all the normal stuff. And feeling this way brings up so many other unresolved things in my life and I spiral deeper and deeper…

Trying to find a therapist in order to get back on track but I keep calling different places and no one ever gets back to me. A sign maybe?

I’ll take a big mango, strawberry, banana smoothie please!

8 Tigger { 07.19.10 at 1:53 pm }

Something cheery, please. For once I have some good news, of a sort – it looks like, after 6 months, I might actually have a job! It’s another call center (blech!) and it’s only a 1-year contract, but it’s work.

On the flip side, there has been a rash of bad news from home. A guy I grew up with who isn’t much older than I am had a heart attack. Another guy in my hometown that my dad knows (and whose name I recognize) had a heart attack. And one of my dad’s bingo buddies at his VFW post that I know and like developed a very aggressive cancer and has been given a matter of days to live, unless a miracle occurs. This latter bit of news has me worrying about cancer again, and that really isn’t a good thing for me to start worrying about!

Beyond that, there really isn’t anything. *hugs* to those who need ’em (and who doesn’t?!).

9 Geochick { 07.19.10 at 2:23 pm }

I’ve had 2 solid non-weekends of insane family stuff. I need a beer. And a vacation. And someone to go do my grocery shopping because that hasn’t happened yet. *sigh* Still just waiting for a match….waiting waiting waiting.

10 Cece { 07.19.10 at 3:00 pm }

After last week, I’ll take anything with a little kick. Monday and Tuesday, my son had hand, foot and mouth, Weds my boss was in town, Thursday morning my dog couldn’t walk (tick born illness out of control) thursday afternoon, my daughter has a fever, Saturday, the babysitter calls (when we are out to try and recover from the awful week) to tell us he can’t calm down Maggie. Sigh. Just praying this week is a least a little better.

11 Kristin { 07.19.10 at 3:58 pm }

Check your email chica! I’d like a Pina Colada just because they are yummy! Life is pretty good right now.

12 Jillian { 07.19.10 at 4:03 pm }

I have been procrastinating for so long on embarking on the social networking stream for this BlogHer ’10 Conference that I thought I should sit down at my computer and try to plug in somehow, some way and that is when I found you…and I am sooo excited.

To begin with, I would very much like to have a Long Island Ice Tea on the double since I have been on a Nutritional Cleansing Program for two weeks now and have abstained from any kind of hedonism whatsoever, aside from sex with my husband. And today as I sit in our country home in Nantucket with my mother, my husband, my two sisters and 8 of our children with a torrential downpour outside I can’t help but crave what island living demands….a big, wet, ice cold, brain numbing drink that would guarantee a retreat back to the days when I lived and worked on this island and took the CJ-7 out on rainy days just like this one and had a blast four wheeling.

So…here I am, the name is Jillian, and I have a blog titled, Is Dis Normal or Dysfunctional and I talk about life in the mountains with a stud of a husband and three boys that are adorable when they are not driving me to drink. I also have a second title for my blog called, Aspen Real Life where I interview on film super, cool locals or people passing through.

I have written and rewritten a book about my family and have not had a second to try and market it but have been told by a few agents in passing that they love my stories.

I have lost about seven pounds and am beginning to feel really, really good but terribly bored from it all, other than trying on tight clothes that are now loose.

Honestly? I think that a huge motivating factor to go to this conference is to get away from it all and revisit my beloved city where I worked for three years before going to Aspen and I am hoping that I don’t get distracted by everything and stay focused on the conference. I hope to get valuable information on how to market my blog and turn it into a financial asset rather than a muse and I also hope to find a great group of fellow bloggers at the conference, or before, that I can build long lasting relationships with and hopefully have them give me their expertise on how to do this conference right while diving into the city as well and that’s my story!

13 kristi { 07.19.10 at 4:36 pm }

I will go for something pink…How about a cotton candy martini? In honor of the little girl I lost at 9 weeks. We got the genetic test results back last week and she was genetically healthy. So cheers to my little angel!

14 Erin { 07.19.10 at 5:18 pm }

I’ll take something celebratory because today was a truly excellent day. There have been so few of them in my IF life that I want to live in this one to the full. Huge surprise that we got that + on our final, more-than-five years in the making, “let’s just do this for the hell of it while we do the last tests for IVF” Clomid/IUI. Bigger surprise when we saw a great heartbeat last week, and even better today when we were able to HEAR the heartbeat at 7w2d. I am floating today.

15 Tara { 07.19.10 at 5:22 pm }

I’ll take a margarita, no salt, please. Again. The boys are teething and lucky us, that means vomit. Yay! Plus DH got a new phone and I’m jealous that he can do more than talk and text. Internet, music, camera. I want but don’t need.

16 Lori Lavender Luz { 07.19.10 at 7:36 pm }

Gimme a Caipirinha in honor of my new Brazilian (uptown).

I’ve left messages at the Hilton and at a YMCA about meeting space. Will let you know if anything promising comes.

Sorry you’re feeling squished. Gonna give another go at the mystery substance in Spoon #4 (or whatever).

17 Kim { 07.19.10 at 7:40 pm }

Give me the pregnant mimosa, please. The one that I can drink and not think twice about b/c I normally don’t even like to drink, but good Lord, I want a mimosa. Pronto.

Where’s the conference, Mel? I think it’s in midtown at the Hilton, if I remember. I know there’s a good thai place around there that’s not usually busy, looks trendy but has good food and is relatively cheap. Is a lunch on the table?

I’m showing, so I’ve kind of been uncertain about going. I might be able to help you or someone else organize with local ideas.

18 Briar { 07.19.10 at 8:32 pm }

The NY IVPers are planning a meetup, too. I think we were aiming for downtown, maybe the LGBT Center because it’s not expensive. I hope the two events aren’t at the same time! And I hope kids are allowed because I plan to glue myself to Calliope’s side all weekend and she’ll have W. I wish I could offer up my house for both events but can you imagine Wes’ response: “Honey, I’m going to disappear for three days for BlogHer leaving you with all childcare and then I want to have 20 or so people over to the house on Sunday, so make sure you clean while I’m gone, K?” Heh.

19 Baby Smiling In Back Seat { 07.19.10 at 9:26 pm }

It’s too darn hot.

Having a mini-crisis in my career, and literally sweating the immense amount of money we spent to replace our heating and A/C which now appears not to actually make the house cooler in summer. But my babies are amazing so nothing else really matters, even if they have been sleeping in the basement for the last 2 weeks.

So looking forward to seeing people in a few weeks.

20 Shannon { 07.19.10 at 9:39 pm }

Since this is a virtual drink, I’ll take a gin and tonic, as it will just give me a virtual hangover and I’ll be able to face the day tomorrow, though my computer be feeling a little icky.

I am overwhelmed at the moment. Work is horrible (let’s not go there right now), I’m healing from a miscarriage, looking forward to my next IUI (in about a month) and suddenly faced with the possibility of adopting an infant. The last two are good things, but my mind is going a million miles an hour with all the what-ifs and maybes.

Suddenly, a real G&T is sounding pretty good!

21 Jill { 07.19.10 at 10:57 pm }

Bartender, I’ll have a dirty martini, with extra olives. The idea makes my mouth water. But, last night I told my dearest and oldest friend about my infertility over a glass or two of wine, so I really shouldn’t be drinking anything again. I’m not sure she got it, though, because she said, “Well maybe its just not the right time for you.” I’m still glad I told her, sort of.
Thanks for listening.

22 Bethanie { 07.19.10 at 11:19 pm }

Hi, I’m new and I’m going to need something pretty strong. My 19 year old niece is pregnant and it makes me want to jump off a cliff. Please, leave the bottle.

23 TasIVFer { 07.20.10 at 12:34 am }

I had a glass of wine for the first time in maybe a year last night and felt seedy this morning – what has happened to me?! – so nothing for me, thank you. Or OK – a nice ‘purifying’ gin & tonic. With fresh lime.

In the past month I’ve had my 13th failed IVF cycle, turned 40, found an ovum donor and let go of the ovum donor. And am now awaiting AF so I can start IVF cycle #14.

IVF: my S&M hobby, not a way to concieve a child.

24 StacieT { 07.20.10 at 1:22 am }

I hope things calm for you soon, Mel. 🙂

I’ll have a nice cold Pepsi. I have been craving them like mad, probably because I have tried to stop indulging in them. (Well, I did sort of cheat today and had half of a Pepsi Free, but that doesn’t exactly count. Ahem.)

Sitting here in the middle of IVF #5. I am axiously awaiting tomorrow’s embie report and the word of when I’ll actually transfer. So far, things are going much better than I ever could have expected after the rocky start. Hoping that things continue to go well, but I have to admit that I am nervous that the other shoe is about to drop. Praying like mad that it doesn’t…

25 Mary { 07.20.10 at 1:54 am }

Ah I have missed you all! Didn’t really know where I was going or where I fit in for a while. You ever feel like that? But, now I feel like we are moving forward. We “graduated” from our adoption class and are getting ready for our home inspection soon so we can be certified by the state. I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. Things never seem to go as we plan and after 11+ years of trying to be a mom it’s hard to believe it might actually happen one of these days. Mini meltdown at the OB/GYN the other day when I went for my health clearance. I was stuck (mostly naked of course) for about 20 minutes waiting in the room where I found out that the 2nd twin was ectopic. Brought back all sorts of memories of finding out I was pg, hearing the heartbeat, losing the baby and then finding out I was losing another one. Not good times to relive. But, onward and upward as they say. Wish I could join you all in NYC, but alas it is a bit far from AZ. Cheers!

26 S.I.F. { 07.20.10 at 2:08 am }

Oh I so need a spot at the bar! My IVF round is over and I had my transfer on Thursday… Now I’m in the middle of the 2ww and going insane… I am overanalyzing every single movement, feeling, or hot flash… I’m dying to know if it worked.

There is so much riding on this cycle, and I am a nervous wreck…

27 luna { 07.20.10 at 9:44 am }

just sending you some love and hoping you come up for air soon. wish I could be in NY to fix YOU a drink.

I am getting ready to take my first cross country flight with a newly walking toddler SOLO, for a rare family meetup that will no doubt be stressful. you might need to pass the bottle.

28 Dora { 07.20.10 at 10:30 am }

Oh, it’s so hot and sticky here in NYC! Is it too early for a mojito?

My gripes are numerous, but they are ameliorated by my miracle girl. I hurt my shoulder several weeks ago. Woke up with it hurting and it’s been getting worse. Have an appt to get it checked today. Hoping it’s nothing major, as I simply have no choice as an SMC but to lift and carry my 20lb love bunny. My coop board is hassling me for ridiculous amounts of paperwork. I’m buying the larger apt next to mine, and selling my smaller one (with the help of my mother). Every time we think we’ve given them everything they’ve asked for, they come back asking for more. I also overheard 2 board members discussing my application on the sidewalk in front of the building. I am fuming! That’s a violation of privacy, and the paperwork crap is feeling like harassment. For example, I gave them HR contact info, but they are now asking for my immediate supervisor’s contact info. I’ve lived in the building for about 18 years! This is a cash sale! No mortgage, just an increase in monthly maintenance $165. Grrrrr!

Oh, and my sweet miracle girl, after a terrific night on Sunday, last night she woke up every 2 hours or so.

Re the NYC meetup, maybe the hotel lobby is the best bet. The area around the hotel is expensive/touristy. I can’t think of a reasonable place that could accommodate 20 people.

29 Kristin { 07.20.10 at 11:10 am }

I’ve been working on the BlogHer get together (since yesterday). Check the info out here…BlogHer ALI Get Together

30 the baby baker { 07.20.10 at 11:41 am }

i’ll take a glass of champagne, please.

i just went in for my beta following FET #2. it will be negative. i know this because i already tested. i’m 2 years and 7 months in, with 4 IUIs, 1 IVF, and 2 FETs, and 1 blighted ovum. hoping FET #3 works magic, but i’m also scheduling appointments with new REs starting right now. oh, and i just turned 35. happy birthday to me. but i’m doing okay. really. the champagne is already helping. 🙂

i’m in NYC, too. maybe i’ll try to join you ladies.

31 genevieve { 07.20.10 at 11:42 am }

This is going to sound strange, but this stormy summer weather just makes me really crave a beer. Been on the wagon a while now, so one should carry me.

Where to start? First….I really wish I could attend blogher, tho I am not entirely sure what it is, LOL. However, so many of my friends from here will be there and I want to meet you all! Trying to look up days now.

As for me…starting stims today!! I am excited, and very oddly not overthinking the outcome so I don’t go bonkers. I am shifting between a variety of emotions at any given moment…thank you meds! But….we are in it, and in a little over 3 weeks we will know whether I get to be pregnant or if it is time to move on…and if it is time to move on, I think I will be making a number of changes…if I have the guts.

Good to see you all!

32 NotTheMama { 07.20.10 at 12:12 pm }

Oh, please give me something good and fruity that will make me forget it all! (Which is probably a good indication I should never drink IRL)
Please hold the assvice, though, because I’m receiving plenty of that from random (and fertile) people at work, church, you name it. My favorite phrase right now is, “As if I haven’t g**led the hell out of it!”
I’m needing a break, a vacation, but we’re halfway through a 10-week class to adopt, or foster, or both, which is a whole other bartender session in itself. Not crazy about fostering! This, too shall pass…

33 Keiko { 07.20.10 at 12:27 pm }

I’ve been craving a glass of nice summery white Bordeaux. And port. I’ll start with the wine and finish with a snifter of port 🙂 Life has also been insane – I can totally sympathize and I hope that you get some time to yourself. I recently went on a much needed 3-day weekend to a friend’s lake house in NJ… just what my husband and I needed. We’re anxiously awaiting our mortgage to get settled so we can close on our first house. I’ve been a bit stressed trying to juggle all the infertility advocacy stuff and still work a full-time job Monday-Friday. I swear, if there is a way to get paid to blog and advocate for infertility, sign me up. I’d quit my dayjob in a heart beat. I’m excited and now slightly nervous for the Night of Hope Awards… I’m not used to the spotlight outside of vocal and theatre work I used to do ages ago, so I’m starting to grow a small swarm of butterflies in my tummy everytime I think about Sept. 28th. Back to the house thing… I don’t handle major life transitions well, and I’ve felt my anxiety levels creeping up the further we get into the homebuying process. On the one hand, I can’t wait to paint and decorate and not share walls with college kids. On the other hand, the sheer weight of financial responsibility kind of makes me want to throw up.

Bah, the wine makes me babble. I’ll take my port and go have my little panic attacks in the corner ~_^

34 April { 07.21.10 at 10:46 am }

I need somethng pink and fruity and strong. Please.

I’m in the middle of a forced break because of tests that require abstention. A family baby shower this past weekend has left a very bad taste in my mouth. We still don’t have a firm diagnosis for what is causing out IF. And the young’un is in full pre-teen angst each time we see her.

The bright note right now is the fact that we’re going on vacation at the end of August to the beach. I am so ready to sit in the sand and just do nothing for a week.

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