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Terrific Jones, Matthew Broderick Smurf Boy, Mermaids Pee Out Their Brains, and More

At first I thought my perfect moment was going to be waking up in the morning and finding out that the Wolvog had renamed one of his stuffed animals Terrific Jones.  Which amused me, literally, to no end that his teddy bear sounded like a supporting character from a blaxploitation film.


Then I thought it would be watching the Wolvog consumed a quarter pound of meat.  Again, it requires a visual, but imagine Matthew Broderick circa War Games shrunk down to the size of the average smurf (but still with Matt’s unblemished peach skin and not a sea of blueness) and NOW, imagine that same tiny Matthew Broderick (remember, with his peach skin, not blue skin) consuming a quarter pound of meat.


Then I thought my perfect moment would be this conversation:

ChickieNob: Do mermaids poop?

Me: I’m certain they do.

ChickieNob: I don’t think they do because they have…all…of…these…scales…back…here (slides finger over plastic mermaid’s ass to illustrate the fact that there are no holes).

Me: But they eat seaweed?  Where does all the seaweed go?

ChickieNob: Seaweed has no nutritional value, which means that you don’t have to poop it out.

Me: But mermaids drink water, don’t they?  How do they pee?

ChickieNob: They pee out their brain.  Like a dolphin.

Me: What?

ChickieNob: (shyly, as if she’s a little taken aback that she needs to explain how dolphins urinate to her mother) Dolphins drink in water and then they pee out their brain when they come up for air.  Watch a dolphin and you’ll see pee come out a hole in their head.

Me: That isn’t pee.  That’s how they breathe.

ChickieNob: I don’t think that’s right.  And I don’t think that mermaids pee or poop.


But no, my perfect moment came when the twins, terrified last week to even put their face in the water, decided yesterday that they were ready to swim underwater.  So they started several feet away from me and swam straight into my arms.  What a difference a week can make.

Read more perfect moments at Weebles Wobblog and add your own.


1 Heather { 07.06.10 at 7:49 am }

I cannot stop laughing at mermaid pee!

That is awesome!

2 mash { 07.06.10 at 7:52 am }

I think she might be right, have you ever smelled the stuff that comes out of the “dolphin’s brain”? I’ve smelled it from a whale, and I can tell you for sure that isn’t just CO2!

3 Mina { 07.06.10 at 8:21 am }

I agree with ChickieNob on the mermaid thing. It really makes sense, if you think about it.

4 Bea { 07.06.10 at 8:35 am }

Oh my goodness. My goodness me 🙂

You know, some of these orifices can be exceedingly discreet, especially those of hydrodynamic sea creatures. Also, lots of things with no nutritional value cause poo. I tell you these things because I’m sure it will completely change the way you approach the Chickienob’s enquiry.


5 Terry Elisabeth { 07.06.10 at 9:00 am }

That is priceless ! 🙂

6 Delenn { 07.06.10 at 9:36 am }

I love the mermaid story! How creatively kids think!

7 Kristin { 07.06.10 at 9:49 am }

OMG, I love all of these.

8 Kir { 07.06.10 at 10:07 am }

your children are endless sources of smiles for me…giggles and chuckles, I love her explaining how Mermaids pee to you…you have a LOT to learn Mama Mel!!!

9 a { 07.06.10 at 10:18 am }

I find myself confused about the meat thing…does the Wolvog not usually eat? Because I can’t imagine the vegetarian finding the consumption of a quarter pound of meat being a perfect moment (although the mini-Matthew Broderick image is very entertaining).

Terrific Jones is a fabulous name. And, I’ve always wondered about the mermaid excretion issue myself…well, I did until I got to biology in high school and dissected the perch. Then I figured that mermaids must have a nice hidden spot too. But a blowhole, out of their heads…very creative.

Congratulations on the swimming! That’s fantastic! It’s taken 2 years for my girl to be willing to blow bubbles…

10 Suzy { 07.06.10 at 10:33 am }

That is awesome! I love the mermaid conversation. Too cute!

11 Dora { 07.06.10 at 10:50 am }

Oh! A scaly tushie. That doesn’t sound good.

12 Battynurse { 07.06.10 at 11:38 am }

They all sound pretty fabulous.

13 kristi { 07.06.10 at 12:08 pm }

Man I love kids. My 4 year old neighbor asked me recently if my DH was my dad. I wanted to scoop her up and kiss her but I just laughed and said thank you sweety but nope he’s my husband. I guess you better get back to the aquarium and explain some things.

14 Tara { 07.06.10 at 12:50 pm }

Oh Gosh! It’s amazing how kid’s brains work!! So cute!

15 HereWeGoAJen { 07.06.10 at 1:26 pm }

And a perfect post. This made me happy.

16 Lori Lavender Luz { 07.06.10 at 2:05 pm }

Each one of those vignettes is truly perfect, coming from such fabulous children.

I’m going to be wondering about the digestive systems of mermaids for the rest of the day. Tell ChickieNob thanks, I was almost out of things to think about.

17 SooSee { 07.06.10 at 3:01 pm }

Seriously, I’d love to sit w/ your kids and just hear what they’ve got to say. Or even just sitting off to the side, and seeing how they ‘just are’. Love these!

18 Vee { 07.06.10 at 4:02 pm }

Love them all!

19 TexasRed { 07.06.10 at 4:18 pm }


20 Holly { 07.06.10 at 9:45 pm }

Love Terrific Jones. And I’m kind on the mermaids don’t poop bandwagon. “Seaweed has no nutritional value.” She might be onto something.

21 Jendeis { 07.06.10 at 10:03 pm }

G-D, I love your kids. They are so awesome!!

22 luna { 07.07.10 at 12:12 am }

from the mouths of babes…

how cool they let go of their fear for adventure too!

23 gingerandlime { 07.07.10 at 6:18 am }

Now those are some perfect moments. Thank you for sharing.

24 coffeegrl { 07.07.10 at 4:12 pm }

Mermaid pee!! And Terrific Jones – is she related to Christmas Jones from the Bond film? We’re still in the phase where all animals have the same name or else are named via descriptor “Why hello Little Lamb!”

(c) 2006 Melissa S. Ford
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