Posts from — May 2010

Welcome back to IComLeavWe. It stands for International Comment Leaving Week, but if you say it aloud, doesn’t it sounds like “I come; [but] leave [as a] we”? And that’s sort of the point. Blogging is a conversation and comments should be honoured and encouraged. I like to say that comments are the new hug–a way of saying hello, giving comfort, leaving congratulations.

Here is the vital information, pure and simple (a more detailed set of rules follows below the list):

• The list opens the 1st of every month. It remains open until the 21st. You can add yourself at any point. The list is open to everyone in the blogosphere–blog writers and/or blog readers.
• Add yourself to the list by filling out this form: The June List is now closed.  The July List will open on 7/1.
• Click here to cut-and-paste this bit of code to add to your sidebar (if you have the old code from another month, remove it and replace it with this one). You need to add the icon or a link to the current list on your blog (see below) and will not be added until it’s up.
• Commenting kicks off every month on the 21st. Please mark it somewhere (calendar, post-it note taped to your computer…), though I will be sending out an email reminder on the 20th. Commenting week runs from the 21st to the 28th. Every day, leave 5 comments and return 1 comment for a total of 6 comments. You are highly encouraged to choose the blogs you comment on from the participants list below, but this is not required.
• I will send a second email on the 28th to remind you to remove the icon from your blog.
• Read below if you want to find out about Iron Commenters.
• The commenting ends on the 28th. We catch our breath and the whole thing starts again the next month on the 1st. Drop in and out according to what is happening in your life between the 21st and the 28th.

1. Stirrup Queens (twins, books, writing)
2. Can I Get Some Sugar with These Lemons? (Korean adoption, infertility, grief)
3. No Suzy Homemaker (babyloss, IVF, life)
4. Just Two Lines Away (pof, impatience, crossroads)
5. Our Journey, But Not Our Plan… (pregnancy, set, adoption)
6. Baby Magnesi (infertility, ttc, mfi)
7. My Infertility Woes (infertility, weight loss, yoga)
8. Are We There Yet (pregnancy, travel, life after fibroid removal)
9. Dreaming of Quiet Places (emotional abuse recovery, ponderings, my cute dog)
10. Chasing Mommyhood (single, endo, iui)
11. Drive Fast. Take Chances. (MFI, DI, pregnancy)
12. The Mud and the Lotus (hysterectomy, endometriosis, cat)
13. The Road Less Traveled (IVF, pregnancy, books)
14. Waiting Lisa (domestic adoption, waiting, infertility)
15. Hannah Wept, Sarah Laughed (infertility, advocacy, faith)
16. Infertile Newlywed (hope, anger, fear)
17. Dragondreamer’s Lair (parenting, secondary infertility, crafts)
18. A Greater Yes (embryo adoption, pregnancy, faith)
19. A + B, Waiting for C (iui, injectibles, next steps)
20. Riding the IVF Roller Coaster (13th IVF stim cycle)
21. A Long And Winding Road (faith, infertility, hobbies)
22. My Bumpy Journey (azoospermia, donor sperm, life)
23. Baby Dreams (TTC#2 with PCOS after loss, my son, life)
24. InDueTime (infertility, life, pcos)
25. Keeping my eyes on Jesus (IVF, faith, pregnancy)
26. The Gal Who Wants to be Anywhere But Where She Is (longterm infertility, loss)
27. Miss Ruby (life after ttc)
28. Half of a Duo, Raising a Duo (barren, 40+, toddler twins)
29. Wishing4One (IVF, pregnancy, Egypt)
30. Being Joyful Always (infertility, faith, weight loss)
31. Please Let This Be It (pregnancy after IVF)
32. Life in the White House (donor sperm, daughter, crafting)
33. Woman Anyone? (primary subfertility, unexplained IF, headbanging)
34. One More Time, With Feeling (IUI, donor sperm, life)
35. Infertility Musings (forced break from TTC)
36. The Subfertile Frugalista (pg after loss, 2nd trimester, frugal shopaholic)
37. Creating a Family (infertility, adoption, adoptive parenting)
38. ErnieGirl (pregnant, infertile, birthmother)
39. His & Her Infertility (PCOS, azoo, international adoption)
40. Communique (life, infertility, ivf)
41. Damn The Rabbits (life, subfertility, humor)
42. AMama2Twins (multiples, twins, life)
43. Relaxing Doesn’t Get You Pregnant (humor, infertility, family)
44. Adventures in Baby Waiting (early ivf pregnancy)
45. Me Plus One (single, ttc, iui)
46. Enchilada Sunrise (knitting, bipolar, life)
47. The Royal Report (life, feelings, thoughts)
48. Lost in the Land of IF (infertility, IVF, impatience)
49. Busted Plumbing: When Mother Nature Kicks You Right In The Ovaries (preggo after loss, PCOS, awesomeness)
50. The Mis-Adventures of A Mondern Day Farmer’s Wife (infertility on a farm)
51. Parenthood for Me (adoption, infertility, coping)
52. In Pursuit of Parenthood (iui, gonal-f, faith)
53. The (In)fertility Diaries (TTC, adoption, life)
54. Elusive Embryo (frustration, follistim, uninsured)
55. Peace BEGAN (loss, faith, life)
56. Ambivalent Womb (ivf, mfi, hope)
57. Dude, Where’s My Baby? (infertility,infertility, infertility)
58. Strange Girl, Strange World (life, kids, preemies)
59. Our Uphill Battle (PCOS, life, infertility)
60. GotchaBaby (adoption, family, random)
61. The Encouraged Egg (infertility, fertility treatments, pregnant)
62. Infertile Follies (infertility, IVF, ectopic pregnancy)
63. My Life’s Journey (ivf, infertility, trying again)
64. Raising Cain (someday) (ivf, infertility, process)
65. An Unexpected Life (adoption, infertility, anxiety)
66. HimPlusMe (infertility, ttc, life)
67. Among the Blossoms (ttc, mfi, life)
68. Mis(sed)conception (IVF #1, undiagnosed infertility)
69. Believing in June (male factor, infertility, IUI/IVF)
70. On Tap for Today (life, humor, Boston)
71. PandaBox33′s Blog (everyday, happiness, love)
72. Your Great Life (infertility support, self-belief, decision-making)
73. Finding Her Way (infertility, fundamentalism, abusive childhood)
74. Off to See the Wizard (secondary IF, IVF, loss)
75. Stress Free Infertility (stress free tips, advice, success)
76. Lifeslurper (donor eggs, over 40, IVF)
77. Someday (mfi, azoos, love)
78. The Daily Miracle (secondary infertility, optimism)
79. Fearlessly Infertile (weight loss, IVF, miscarriage)
80. Blogging MoRe (life, marriage, everything)
81. Expressive World (life, creativity, spirituality)
82. Barrenista (infertility, adoption, fancy cupcakes)
83. StudentRNTiffany (bedrest, love, life)
84. The Unicorn and I (unicornuate uterus, single)
85. Kir’s Corner (infertility, twins, marriage)
86. Baby On Mind (IVF, ttc#1, unexplained)
87. Inconceivable! (ttc, infertility, family)
88. All Aboard the Pity Boat (infertility, exercise, life)
89. Wistfulgirl’s World (ttc, pcos, life)
90. Beyond The Brick Wall (infertility, marriage, money)
91. The Bushey Life (ttc, life, infertility)
92. The Infertile Fertile (ttc, infertility, miscarriage)
93. It Is Tuesday, Right?? (parenting, ivf, womanhood)
94. The Adventures of a New Mom (new mom, TTC #2, recipes)
95. Just Keep Swimming (azoospermia, life, teaching)
96. The Barreness’s Blog (parenting after infertility)
97. Gay Fourth And Multiply (lesbian, ivf, donor)
98. In The Middle With You (infertility, loss, adoption thoughts)
99. My Walking Path (my dog, cats, nature)
100. Lipglossd Mom (life, beauty, reviews)
101. Ginger and Lime (infertility, fibroids, food)
102. A Woman My Age (adoption, infertility, parenting after 40)
103. Finding ME after IF (TTC, PCOS, weightloss)
104. Infertility Overachievers (secondary infertility, son, IVF)
105. Lori Does Maryland (ivf, neonatal loss, subsequent pregnancy)
106. Waiting for a Baby Bump (ivf, mf, ttc)
107. The Birds and The Bees (ivf, unexplained, life)
108. Two Makes {1} (pregnany, life, everything)
109. Hobbit-ish Thoughts & Ramblings (pregnant after losses, cooking, books)
110. Heeeeere Storkey, Storkey! (twins, life, ttc #3)
111. Journey to the End of the Rainbow (infertility, ivf, acupuncture)
112. Thoughts from A Blonde (adoption, family, life)
113. Outside My Head (marathon training, puppyhood, family)
114. That’s My Answer (question of the day, fun, life)
115. Wanna Bee (adoption, loss, craftiness)
116. Pieces of the Puzzle (PCOS, repeated IVF failure, life)
117. Trying To Figure It OUt (life, marriage, love)
118. Musings of a Hormonal Egg Basket (ivf, family, support)
119. Yes, We’re one of Those Couples (azoospermia, ivf, known donor)
120. After Years In The Making (parenting, life, navy)
121. Infertility: A Type A’s Nightmare (pregnant after infertility)
122. Putting the Fun in Infertility (cancer, icsi, twins pregnancy)
123. Emi is Insane, but not yet Committed (ttc, unexplained infertility, insanity)
124. Oven Seeking Bun (pcos, ttc#1, laparoscopy)
125. The Mommy ‘Hood (life, love, family)
126. A little blog about the big infertility (IVF failure, miscarriages, adoption)
127. Eating Myself To Life (weight loss, IF newbie, life)
128. Leave It To the Beavers (TTC, PCOS, life)
129. Fertility Foibles (infertility, humor, china)
130. Everyone Else But Me (tubeless, FET, early pregnancy)
131. Cape Girl’s Journey (stillbirth, IVF, pregnancy)
132. Run Amok Amok (infertility, life, general-nonsense)
133. Find Joy Now (infertility, life, joy)
134. Cheese Curds and Kimchi (adoption, korea, parenting)
135. My Lovely Lady Bump (ttc, charting, life)
136. Adventures in Babymaking (recurrent miscarriage, IF, septate uterus)
137. Mommy In Waiting (male factor infertility)
138. Dear Stevie (stillbirth)
139. Tales from the Rat Race (IVF, 2ww, life)
140. Fox In The Hen House (infertility, elder care, photography)
141. Going For It (1st IVF experience, MFI)
142. Lil Family Blog (lesbian, parenting, adoption)
143. Journey Through Infertility and TTC (pregnancy, family, baby)
144. Letters to My Unborn Daughter (daughter, family, love)
145. Find Joy Now (infertility, life, joy)
146. Sarah’s Life (PCOS, male infertility, life in general)
147. Waiting For Our Miracle (IF, IUI, PCOS)
148. Baby Roulette (iui, miscarriage, infertility)
149. Getting There (adoption, homestudy, life)
150. Infertility And Me (male factor infertility)
151. Hopes and Dreams for Us (over 40, childfree, miscarriage)
152. Surprised By Hope (open transracial adoption)
153. Romancing the Stone (bed rest, IVF, love)
154. Life in the Last Frontier (adoption, college, family)
155. Knock Me Up, Doc (first IVF try)
156. I’m a Smart One (surrogacy, infertility, parenting after infertility)
157. Write, Baby, Repeat (adoption, infertility, donor eggs)
158. here’stounwaveringhope (MFI, IVF w/ ICSI)
159. Awaiting Our Miracle (starting 1st IVF cycle, MFI, PCOS)
160. Mama Bear (adoption, infertility, openness)
161. The Road Worth Traveling (pregnancy, life, health)
162. A Virtual Hobby Store and Coffee Shop (news, prayer, music)
163. Raining Raining (fostering, parenting, ttc)
164. The Journey through Life (pregnancy, life, emotions)
165. An Arizona Mom (pcos, secondary infertility, parenting)
166. Hope Springs Eternal (MFI, infertility, life)
167. Circus Children (love, perseverance, icsi)
168. Blawndes Blawg (infertility, family, love)
169. Adoption Journey (adoption)
170. Adventures in Glass (parenting newborns twins after IVF)
171. Magnolia Queen (catholicism, politics, crazy)
172. From IF to When (infertility, waiting, life)
173. A Nuttier Life (TTC, life, everything)
174. Baybee Luv (single student mother)
175. Last American Girl Standing (11wks after IVF#2)
176. Life with Endometriosis and PCOS (pcos, endo, waiting)
177. PCOS Success! (infertility, pcos, pregnancy)
178. Conception Deception (failed ivf, taking a break, contemplating child-free)
179. My Life After Loss (infertility, babyloss, twins)
180. The Gibson’s (faith, love, infertility)
181. Sister Village (women, community, life)
182. Cradles and Graves (infertility, pregnancy loss, endometriosis)
183. The June List is now closed.  The July List will open on 7/1.

Q: What if I miss a day?
A: Catch up the next day by doubling your comments–12 comments instead of 6.

Q: What if I have two blogs? Can I sign up twice, listing both blogs?
A: Yes, but you also need to double your comments. If you have two blogs listed, you should be leaving 12 comments per day.

Q: What is an Iron Commenter?
A: Not for the faint-of-heart. People who wish to be an Iron Commenter and be entered on the Iron Commenter honour roll need to leave a comment on every blog on the participants list (exceptions are blogs that require you to have a special log-in, such as some LiveJournal accounts or other similar situations). You can spread out this commenting any way you wish over the whole week, but the final comment needs to be left by midnight on the 28th (EST). Reaching Iron Commenter status is done on an honour system. Please email me if you earn Iron Commenter status so I can add you to the wall of honour.

Q: Why do I have to add that bit of code to my sidebar?
A: The code is the latest icon (the icon changes colour every month so you know that you’re on the right list). This month, the icon is yellow, the next month it will be green, etc. The reason is two-fold: (1) it enables more people to find out about IComLeavWe and (2) it gives you easy access to the current list once the commenting week actually begins and better ensures that you’ll use it. Too many times, people sign up and forget to actually do IComLeavWe and this icon gives you a daily reminder (with the dates on it) every time you open your own blog. The icon is linked back to the current list. On the 28th, remove the icon from your blog. A new one will be created for the next month.

Q: It’s the 23rd and I just saw this for the first time on my friend’s blog! I want to join the list–why can’t I?
A: Because IComLeavWe happens every month, once the list is closed, it’s closed. If you’re finding out about this on the 23rd, you can’t join the current month. But leave yourself a note to check back in a week on the 1st and you can sign up for the next month.

Q: You said the list closes on the 21st. Well, it’s still the 21st where I am. Why aren’t you moving my information onto the list?
A: All dates and times are U.S. Eastern Standard Time (UTC/GMT -5 hours). The list closes at 11:59 p.m. EST on the 21st.

Q: What if no one comments on my blog and I have no comments to return?
A: Well, that really doesn’t happen for the most part, but in that case, simply choose another blog and add an additional comment. The goal is to hit 6 comments daily as a minimum. Going over that is fantastic and encouraged.

Q: Mel, my question wasn’t covered at all. What do I do?
A: Email me; I’m quite friendly. It helps to place “IComLeavWe” in the subject line. You could also check this post which contains the history of IComLeavWe and see if you can glean anything there.

Looking for the comment section? It has been closed on this post. Use the form in the directions to add yourself to the list.

I am in the middle of an edit for Life from Scratch which means that it has been pure craziness in terms of time management this week.  But I had this overwhelming need to switch my personal email address and to change providers midweek because my old account often gets misspelled when people write it down.

So I made a new email address with a completely unable-to-be-misspelled name and imported my old emails into my new address, a process that took about 8 hours because we’re talking about about 12 years of emails.

It imported them in the strangest way–it would drag in a chunk of emails and put them out of chronological order on the front screen, and then, after 10 seconds or so, it would sucked them into the archives based on their labels.  So I could see the emails for about 10 seconds, and then they would disappear into the archives.

But if I clicked on them, I could read the message and it would stop it from being immediately archived.  So I started reliving all these moments from the past 12 years–an email from Josh talking about how excited he was for an ultrasound appointment, a fight with a friend, a catch-up email with a person I knew in college.

There were emails I had somewhat forgotten about that I sort of wish I hadn’t reread because they reopened old hurt feelings, such as the fight with the friend.  But at the same time, I didn’t want to lose a single email.  I was terrified not to import them and possibly lose them if I stopped checking the old account and had that account deleted.

The email I absolutely loved finding was the first email.  Before I gave out the address to everyone else, I sent myself an email written in code where if you took the first letter of every word, it spelled out a morale boosting message.  And I freakin’ love that I did that for myself.

*******

We are in the middle of a major purge and we cleaned out the front closet, now making it possible for people to remove the fold-up chairs from the closet without having an avalanche of mittens and empty bags fall on them.  The closet has not been cleaned in years, and we found a treasure trove of printmaking supplies buried under a mountain of crumpled up wrapping paper.  And a winter coat from an unknown owner (anyone leave a navy blue pea-coat at our house?).

I mustered up all the unsentimentality I could find and tossed several pairs of baby shoes.  I had pangs of regrets when I got into bed that night, even though we would buy new shoes for a new child and no one would want our children’s scuffed up, worn-down sneakers.  Not deep pangs, but small pangs that I soon convinced myself to ignore.  But I wondered why I worked so hard to keep all my old emails whereas I tossed their sneakers unceremoniously in a trash bag.

Is it the difference between virtual space and actual space?

Okay, for the 300th post of the Friday Blog Roundup, we’re going to play a game that I am calling: Blog Marks the Spot. It will air in place of the 299th Friday Blog Roundup on July 30th so we can have a proper Roundup for the 300th post on August 6th.

If you want to be included, this is what you need to do:

Step One: Make a 1 minute video

• It should showcase where you commonly write your blog.  If you take your laptop on the road, feel free to shoot outside your house.  If you commonly work at a desktop, show your messy desk.
• It can also showcase you or you can keep it anonymous.  I would prefer for it to also showcase you (so either set up a tripod or have someone film it or turn the camera around and pop into the frame at the end) but if you do not wish to be featured (since some people blog anonymously), only film inanimate objects.
• Even if you feature yourself, please do not mention your name, your blog name, or show your blog on a screen during the video.
• Please make sure you make one of these types of files: avi, mov, mp4, wmv (email me if you need to use a different type of file).

The question I know you’re going to ask: what if I don’t have a way to shoot video?  You can still participate by taking a photograph of your writing space and describing it in one paragraph.  One brief paragraph.

Step Two: Email me this 1 minute video.

• Email me your video.  Do not post it anywhere, do not load it on YouTube, do not show it to friends.  Just make it and mail it.  If you are going the photo route, email me the photo and paragraph.
• Also email me your blog name and the url.
• The deadline is July 16th.  No videos that come in after July 16th will be included.

Step Three: Wait until July 30th.

• I will upload all the videos and embed them in a single Roundup post.  And you will try to match the blogger with the video from a linked list of participating blogs.  The answers will be announced later in the weekend so you can always go back and visit each blogger’s video and get a glimpse into their writing space.

Important points once again:

• Make your video 1 minute or we’ll be here all day.  Do not go over 60 seconds.
• It can either be anonymous or feature you, but it should feature where you commonly write your blog.
• If you truly can’t shoot video, send a photograph with a one paragraph description of your space.
• Email it to me without showing it to others or loading it on a video-sharing site.  Do not say your name, your blog name, or show your blog in the video.  Make sure you include your blog name and blog url in the email.
• The deadline is July 16th.  Videos that come in after July 16th will not be included.
• Come back  on July 30th to see how many blogs you can identify just from seeing the writing space.  Oh–and get to see a small glimpse into the lives of your favourite bloggers.

If you plan on participating, please let me know by leaving a comment below that says, “I’m in!” Just trying to get a sense of how many videos to expect.

You will be horrified by my writing desk.  I’m not even going to clean it up one bit before I film.

*******

The Weekly What If: What if you could see the writing space of any blogger out there?  Who would it be? (Not to guilt anyone into making a video just because we want to see your space ever so badly).

*******

And now, the blogs…

Stacey’s Thoughts on Infertility has a post discussing the past as well as the present.  When she was in the throes of loss, she wasn’t always there for people.  On one hand, she can look at it rationally and say, “Only you know how much you can handle at any given time when you are the one who’s hurting. While it may sound selfish, sometimes you really do have to think about your fragile emotional state and do what’s necessary to protect yourself.”  And now, during pregnancy, she also understands that not everyone will be able to read her blog.  She hopes they will stay, but she also gives her understanding if they need to leave because just as she has mourned the losses, she also needs to feel and express joy over this current baby.  It’s a beautiful, moving post.

The Fertility-Challenged Black Sheep has a post I love and it’s not just because she quotes “Psycho Killer” by Talking Heads which happens to be a family favourite but because it is one of those ordinary trying-to-catch ovulation posts that is both familiar and funny at the same time.  She’s a great, humourous read.

On the other end of the spectrum, A + B, Waiting for C has a really heartbreaking post about her friend’s loss.  It also comes with the realization that she may need to come clean to people in her face-to-face world and how deeply she has been emotionally affected by this experience.

Lastly, Can I Get Some Sugar with These Lemons has a post about her trip.  She writes, “I expected it to be a barren vast land of emptiness, much like me. Perhaps it was a blessing we visited when we did because it was hardly the lifeless space I expected. Instead it was covered in beautiful wildflowers that smelled so strongly we didn’t even need to open the windows.”  The trip is both metaphorically and actually connected to IVF, and it’s a great read filled with stunning pictures.

The roundup to the Roundup: I finally know how we’re going to mark the 300th Friday Blog Roundup–with my video getting-to-know-you/matching game, Blog Marks the Spot.  Let me know if you are planning to participate.  Answer the Weekly What If.  And lots of great blogs to read.

In regards to the last post on boundaries in blogging and what we don’t say, I often do write and post something else when I am leaving something out, but the other thing I do is to write the post I want to write and leave it in draft form.  There are hundreds of completed posts just sitting in my draft folder, serving to record a moment, get feelings off my chest.  I write them knowing full well that they’ll never be posted.  I sometimes cannibalize them later for a different post, but stop short of posting them in full.

I’m sure other people do this too.

Yes?  Is your draft folder as full as mine?

My question is, if there were only two options–pretend there is a glitch in blogging software and either have all of your draft posts instantly publish to your blog or have all of your draft posts forever lost (without the opportunity to back them up anywhere else), which would you choose?  In other words, would you rather have your private journal posted for the world to read, or lose those private journals?

I struggle with this because while I write those posts never intending for them to be read despite going back and editing and polishing them, I think I would rather post them than lose those thoughts from those times.

I wrote a post on BlogHer about how Mark Twain’s autobiography is being released 100 years after his death by his request and how this relates to the boundaries we set for ourselves in blogging (please join the conversation over there about how you set your boundaries).

As much as we tell on our blogs, the flipside is the stuff we don’t admit.  The all-consuming thoughts we leave out, the major moments we never talk about, the health crises or fights or embarrassing moments, not to mention the stuff we want to blog about, need to blog about, but don’t blog about because it’s not our story to tell.  Because it crosses a line, it opens a door.

I think what goes unsaid often leaves something akin to a watermark on the blog.  The unspoken stories come out between the lines if you look closely enough.  Suddenly a blogger stops writing for a few days and then resumes without mentioning the absence.  Or the tone doesn’t match the subject matter.  There are times that I’m reading a blog and I’m wondering more what is happening off the screen than what is being recounted on the screen.

Every blog post is only a tiny sliver of a life–by necessity, we must leave things out.  But are there also watermarks inadvertently left behind with what we wish we could write about but choose not to say?  Not the things we leave out simply due to space, but the moments and thoughts we leave out consciously.  Purposefully.  Because they open a door that we either don’t want to open or isn’t our door to turn the knob?

There was a time when I posted the cheeriest, happiest post as life was falling apart behind the scenes.  There have been times that I’ve scheduled a post to run because I haven’t been in town, but reading my blog, one would assume that I’m just lounging around the area.  And then there are the times when I am angry beyond belief, but I can’t write about it lest the person find my blog.  Or I am gutted for a friend and it’s all I’m thinking about, but I can’t talk about it because it’s not my story to tell.  I am incredibly circumspect about what I stories I tell that belong to the twins, but the twins are a clear focus of my day-to-day world.  So much gets left unsaid, but is it still somewhere tucked into this blog regardless?  In the unused white spaces; between the existing letters?

Do you stop blogging when you can’t tell a story (because it’s not something you’re willing to reveal on your blog or it’s not your story to tell) or do you blog about something else?