Porn at the Car Dealership
Armed with your additional car suggestions and a print out of Allison’s ultra-informative Mazda email, we hit the car dealerships on Saturday to do a few test drives. We loaded the kids’ car seats into the back of the Mazda5 and sat down with the salesman to do the paperwork.
When I gave him my name, which is, as you know, a pretty ordinary name, he gave this half-smile and said, “you know there’s another woman named Melissa Ford.”
I nodded and he continued, “damn, that woman wrote the book!”
At this point, you’re probably thinking, “how is Mel such a strange magnet for other infertile people that she has managed to find a car salesman who has read Navigating the Land of If?”
Um…that wasn’t what he meant.
Allow me to translate since the salesman seemed to continuously drop the risque ends of his sentences: “damn, that woman wrote the book on stone cold sexiness.”
I was not familiar with the other Melissa Ford’s body of work until I noticed one day that my MFA program’s page on Wikipedia had me listed as one of their alumni. How nice, I thought, and clicked on my linked name to take me to what I thought would be my own personal Wikipedia entry, one that would list Navigating the Land of If and be a receptacle in the future for all my personal accomplishments including getting a one-woman show on Broadway called Jazz Hands (I’m predicting around 2015).
Instead, it took me to a very different Melissa Ford.
Strangely enough, waxing lyrical about soft core porn and music videos (“she’s the video vixen, you know! Damn!”) with a woman sitting across from you in overalls and clogs does not make for a car sale.
“Yes,” I said dryly. “I know the other Melyssa Ford. I believe she makes music videos and porn.”
“It’s not porn!” the man admonished. “It’s adult entertainment.” Then he paused for a moment, perhaps remembering his favourite picture and said, “naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, you’re right, it’s poooooooooooooooooooorn. Damn!”
You know how else I’m really sure that the salesman wasn’t infertile?
As we drove down the highway, talking about fuel economy and ABS brakes, the man called out from the back seat, “you guys going to have any more kids?”
And when he got crickets, he didn’t drop the topic, but instead kept drilling it home with his observations about our family, their genders, our size.
And then switched to talking about meat.
Three favourite topics to cover during car shopping: porn, family building, and meat.
Um…Happy Easter!
28 comments
Wrote the book? I would have been wondering what the guy was talking about for weeks.
Congrats on the new car. Pity when some people don’t take a hint about having-more-kids questions.
Bea
For what it’s worth, you both have lovely hair. I’m sure you would look just as good in that outfit.
What a weird guy. How is that remotely appropriate?
Happy Easter!
Oh man, I’m ROTFLMA! Perhaps in the future, you can say “Oh, she’s Melissa with a “Y” and I’m Melissa with an “E”, that how you can tell us apart!” Because that is the only real difference I see! Bow-chicka-wow-wow!
And nothing sells a car like conversations about porn and meat. Love it.
Well, I certainly hope you purchased the car from this very appropriate and excellent car salesman.
Hm. Euhhhh…Hm. It wouldn’t be my subject of choice to chat with clients. But, hey, live and let live, right ? 🙂
You know, I think for me, this conversation would have been a deal breaker. Because ew. So not appropriate.
(But I’m confused – did you end up with the car or not…)
Aw-k-ward. I think I would have abandoned the dealership and sought help elsewhere. I agree with others- not appropriate at all.
Wow. Just… wow. I wonder if car sales people have to take classes in how to be extra obnoxious. I had such a horrible experience the last time I bought a car that I’m already loathing the future-time when I’ll have to buy another. He was just so… slimy. Granted, he didn’t bring up pornography, or our family plans, but he just smacked of sleaze somehow. He presumed that I was not able to use simple logic (yes, if this car consumes an extra 4 mpg on the highway, it’s not that big of a difference if I’m just driving one mile, but as I plan to drive this car many thousands of miles, those extra mpgs that I’m wasting add up over the long haul…), and tried to give me bullshit about how the car that was advertised on their website was not the same car I was seeing, that, in fact, NONE of the cars advertised on their website were available, that every car in their dealership cost at least $2k more than all the cars on their website (until I pulled up VIN details and pointed out that the car we were negotiating about was the same car on their website, shown for $3k less than the price currently on the table).
Grr. Just… GRRRRRR.
There’s another person with my first and last name, who happens to be the same age as me, and she’s a D-List athlete (a gymnast, I think), so in the past when I’ve searched my name, I come across all kinds of links to her athletic achievements. Not so much anymore, since I think 33 is a little too old for most gymnasts, but that used to be all I could find linked to my name.
3-for-1? Egads…but pretty funny at the same time.
Cheers to you, Melissa *wink, wink* Ford.
Wow! I’m trying to imagine a saleswoman making small-talk with a potential male buyer by bringing up a guy who wrote a book on “stone cold sexiness”. Adult entertainment. Yeah, right!
I couldn’t help but grin while I was reading about this encounter though. 🙂
The car salesman who sold us our VW (the one I bought in 2001 in preparation for TTC) has a birthday near mine right after Halloween. He said, “I did the math, and you know what’s nine months before Halloween? Valentine’s Day! Our parents were doin’ it on Valentine’s Day!”
We were already halfway through the paperwork, so he did get the commission.
I hate that car salespersons have to go on the test drive with you. I really wish they won’t talk to me, at all.
I wonder how many other people you’ve talked to on the phone have heard your name and wondered if you were her…
Gah! @ the idea of calculating when my parents “did it” and someone bringing it up to me. No no no no!
Maybe he read your post about your alter-ego Hilde?? ; )
Your post cracked me up and so do the comments!
Really? Crickets, meat, mistaken identity and porn?
Sounds like you really lucked out when it comes to make a Big Life Decision with.
(Weird. Recently, I checked to see if you had a wiki page and I found Melissa-with-a-Y. Days later you write about her!)
We just need to get you a more revealing photograph for your book jacket. 😉
I’m sure you’d look pretty hot in that outfit!
Wow, that sounds like fun. He sounds like he will likely have a very short career as a car salesman.
Oh wow. How crazy. Sometimes in situations like that don’t you feel like looking around for the camera like on the Truman Show? I too am curious on what (if) car you ended up getting? Inquiring minds want to know. 🙂
but did you get the car????
also- I think you are WAY foxier than that other chick, what’s her name.
Aww, give the guy the benefit of the doubt, I’m sure he was just waxing poetic on your JILFyness. 😉
LOL. Happy Easter, indeed. So I’m assuming you didn’t buy the car, but did you like the car?
I have an alter-ego too, but mine is fictional (a fictional character).
Hmmm interesting conversations you had with the salesman. I wonder if he often talks of pron at work with various customers, or were you just the lucky one because you shared a name?
*HUGS*
Wow. Wow. Wow.
Is it wrong if I seriously laughed out loud over this?
I had a car dealer try to get me to date him once – to the point that it was almost stalking how much he continued to call me AFTER I had bought the car. He told me he had retired as a police officer (he was only 30).
And all I could think was what kind of a man retires from the police department to become a car dealer?
It turns out, it’s the kind of man who will take your phone number off of your credit application.
Dear GAWD! what a day huh?
so how did you like the car????? 🙂
I’m still giggling.
so I assume you didn’t get the mazda? or at least went to a different dealer, right?
plus I can’t believe you had the kids with you and he kept going on about the poooorrrrnnn!
WOWZA. Great topics while kids are amongst you…BLECH