Bloggers Unite: Project IF (Part Two)
342 participants.
Over 500 “what ifs” taken out of people’s hearts and placed on the screen.
It’s a toss-up: it’s incredibly powerful to read the list (and it is still a live and growing list) in one sitting, soaking in all of those huge emotions. It will change you. And at the same time, it is so hard to see all of those fears–some of which feel very familiar; some of which are outside my realm of experience–laid bare on the screen.
If someone wants to understand the emotional side of infertility, we just created a very easy door for them to walk through.
Resolve and I started to notice trends (you know…common threads), and we used these trends to determine the What If lists for this part of the project. We needed to pick a wide-range of experiences and make sure the “what ifs” were broad enough for a multitude of people to be able to participate. Even still, we decided to leave an open “what if” question at the end of each category. If you cannot find a what if below that speaks to your experience, or you are tied to exploring the “what if” you submitted, please take this opportunity to fit your “what if” onto the list (or tweak an existing one).
The second part of this project is simple, and it gives you an easy way to participate in National Infertility Awareness Week (April 24th–May 1st):
- Choose one “what if” from the categories below (you may tweak one to fit you better or use the open option at the bottom of each category to state a what if that falls within the boundaries of the category).
- Go back to your blog and explore that “what if” in a post. Expand on the idea, tell a story, write poetry, say it with photographs–any way you want to explore that “what if.” Posts can go up any time between now and May 1st. Please start your post by placing your chosen “what if” at the top of the post.
- Add a link at the bottom of your post to this url giving a basic understanding of infertility: www.resolve.org/infertility101 and this url giving the background of National Infertility Awareness Week (NIAW): www.resolve.org/takecharge.* You may also want to point people towards the original “what if” list: https://www.stirrup-queens.com/2010/04/bloggers-unite-project-if/.
- End your post with a new, positive “what if“–a best-case-scenario for you personally. What you hope to see happen–either for yourself or for someone else.
- Return here and add a permalink to your post to the Mr. Linky widget at the bottom of this post. It will then appear as part of this project and all blogs on the list will be considered for Resolve’s Hope Award for Best Blog, presented at the 2010 Night of Hope. Resolve will also be featuring a link to the blog on Resolve.org.
*This is important because while the first part of this project was fairly insular, read by those within the community, the second part of this project–your blog posts–will be read by a wide range of people including possibly those in law-making positions or the media. Because they may be reading your post without a basic understanding of infertility or National Infertility Awareness Week, we want to give everyone a quick way to read more.
Even if you didn’t participate in the first part of this project, you are welcome (and encouraged!) to participate now. Our goal is to get at least 250 participants by the time NIAW ends next week on May 1st.
You do not need to be infertile to participate. If you want to support a friend or family member and explain how you process one of these “what ifs,” we’d love to have you join the project.
If you don’t have a blog, get creative with your Twitter account, use your Facebook page, or…start a blog (and then send me your blog url so I can add you to the blogroll)! Blogger and WordPress are both sites that allow people (quite easily) to set up a free blog. Only blogs written by individuals (not organizations or professionals) will be considered for Resolve’s Hope Award for Best Blog, though any linkable writing (such as a Tweet) can be added to Mr. Linky.
Please help spread word about this project via Twitter, Facebook, or your blog. Our hashtag is #Project IF.
And make sure you come back and read the posts as they go up on Mr. Linky. If the “what ifs” themselves were that powerful, I can hardly imagine what can be accomplished with even more words and stories.
Categories and Ideas:
How infertility impacts your relationships—spouse, partner, fertile friends, parents, work.
- What if despite my ultimate success I never let go of the resentment at and jealousy of the women who got to do this the “normal” way and who never experienced pregnancy loss (from Betty M).
- What if I can never be around a pregnant woman and feel comfortable because it reminds me of how much I have lost and how inadequate I now feel (from Jodi)?
- What if my husband leaves me for a fertile woman (from Mad Hatter)?
- Create Your Own.
How infertility impacts your self-esteem.
- What if I always feel like less of a person because I wasn’t able to reproduce (from Brandy)?
- What if I can never get over the feeling that my body has failed me (from Staciet)?
- What if I lose myself along the way? I’ve lost so much during this roller coaster journey — what if I lose the true me somewhere along the road? What if I turn into someone I never wanted to be? What happens then (from JL)?
- What if my infertility has robbed me of my sexiness and I never am “in the mood” again (from Nolagirl)?
- Create Your Own.
How infertility impacts your emotional health.
- What if I am never able to counter the thought “I had to buy a baby?” What if that doesn’t make me a real mother, in my eyes, or in anyone else’s (from Cherry)?
- What if I can never just be happy with what I have and stop being angry, bitter, and sad about what I do not (from Cathy)?
- What if I have to learn to live childfree with a smile….forever (from Mrs. A)?
- Create Your Own.
How infertility impacts your finances.
- What if every state passed a law that would require insurance companies to cover fertility treatments and A.R.T. so that people like me and my husband wouldn’t have to choose between their mortgage or having a family (from Melissa G)?
- What if I leave this job, with its amazing health insurance that covers everything IF-related, and my new job doesn’t have insurance with good IF coverage (from Queenie)?
- What if we finally save the money we need, blow it on IVF, and fail (from Wifey)?
- Create Your Own.
How infertility impacted your “plans”/current choices/future decisions.
- What if I didn’t live in a time and place where ART was an option (from it is what it is)?
- What if I never get to do all the things I’ve put on hold in my life for “once I get pregnant…” (from CortneyTree)?
- What if I never see that plus sign? What if this is it, waiting and hoping for the rest of my life (from Hollytraveling)?
- What if my son ends up hating me because he was conceived through DI? What if all we’ve gone through to have him and to bring us so much happiness ends up bringing him enormous pain (from Annacylopedia)?
- Create Your Own.
Project IF Participants
Exploring Our What Ifs
167 comments
My post is longwinded (as usual), but I got a LOT off my chest in writing it!! Thank you, Mel!
Whew, I had a lot more to say than I realized…I’m so proud to be part of this project, can’t wait to read the posts!
I am not a blogger, so I’m not sure how my comments fit into this project.
I keep thinking what if my husband still is not amenable to IVF although that is the only way we can achieve a pregnancy due to severe MFI and Y chromosome microsome deletion. My choices are equally heinous and there is no good possible outcome. Either I compromise on what a major life goal, to grow and raise a family, and remain married to him. Alternative B is to have the courage to end the relationship, as painful as that will be, in the hopes that I am still young and fertile enough to greive this loss, meet someone who shares my dream of parenting and have a child before my biological clock has its last tick. These “what ifs” keep me up at night are the anxiety of not knowing what will or might happen in the future are preventing me from enjoying life now. I can be distracted and focused on an activity with which I am engaged, but deep, heart-felt happiness is not something I have felt for a while.
Wow that was intense but thanks for the opportunity
I love this idea! It helps me and others understand the emotions of infertility.
This is such a powerful project! I have enjoyed reading all the responses and see so much of my thoughts, feelings, fears and hopes in every post — it’s amazing to feel less lonely, but at the same time, it hurts to know so many people are hurting just like me.
It’s amazing how writing my what-if post really helped me to understand more what I’m really fearing in this process and what I don’t like about that fear. Thanks for the opportunity to delve into myself in that way.
I think I just relived the pasted 13 years of my life in this one post … Thanks for doing this, Mel. I’m at the point where I think I finally appreciate where I’m at in my life … and where I came from. xoxo, Em
I just want to mention (ever the IT girl) that the links don’t work:
http://www.resolve.org/infertility101
http://www.resolve.org/takecharge
Not sure if it is only an issue for those of us that are overseas?
Thank you for this! 😉
Thank you for this project! My husband and I have struggled with infertility for 5 years now, and we have felt very alone in dealing with this. It’s nice to read all of the comments, and feel for the first time that I am not alone in this!
what an incredible exercise in metacognition! thank you for the prompts! i have encouraged my blog readers to join in also. so healing. so helpful!
xoxo
This is a great project. Thank you so much for doing this!
What a relief to have this out. Thank you for allowing me this catharsis this morning. All of you amazing women…I thank you for sharing your struggle. We have each other in this crazy process and it’s such a blessing to not feel alone.
I love this project! I wish I would have known about this site when I first started going through infertility. What a difference it would have made on my journey…
Such a tough task, because I wanted to answer so many what if’s. Thank you for your hard work!
I got a lot of much needed tears and also some laughs out of my post. It drained me, but it was worth it.
This was a great project. Thank you for letting me be a part of it.
This was incredibly difficult. Perhaps not my best work…but I did it. I faced a fear. And admitted something I’d been trying to avoid.
This was difficult to do b/c its the fears and thoughts you don’t allow yourself to say out loud. You find yourself facing your worst fears and worries….it’s not easy. Thank you for giving a voice to so many of us out there. I feel more and more that I am not alone.
what a great way to reach out about IF. love it!
Wonderful project! Thank you all for putting everything out there allowing others to learn and be comforted.
my comment is #45… see that one 🙂
This post was very hard, but so great. I loved reading everyone else’s links as well. It gave me goosebumps and brought tears to my eyes. It is wonderful to have the support of a website like this from the fabulous Mel and Resolve. Many, many, many kudos to both.
What a fantastic project! Thanks so much for putting this together. I am honored to have the opportunity to participate.
What a fantastic project! Thanks so much for putting this together. I am honored to have the opportunity to participate. (Sorry for the double comment. Linked the wrong blog url above. 🙂
I love this idea! It’s been extremely helpful to see I’m not the “only one” struggling with this journey.
Thanks Mel, for providing an outlet to vent the “What IFs”, put a positive spin on it, and educate others of our struggles. I choose mine from the “How infertility impacts your emotional health” and created my own ‘what if’. Thank you so much for doing this.
Okay my previous comment got lost. Thanks for allowing us to vent the ‘What IFs’, put a positive spin on it and end up educating others. Thanks for doing this, Melissa.
These posts are knocking me flat. I’m all shivery. Added my own.
Great project! It has helped me to realize how far I have come in our journey and how so much pain turned into so much joy!
What a fantastic project and writing it really made me clarify to myself what was already hanging out and lingering in the back of my thoughts.
Hmmm…I don’t think my last comment posted and if it did…sorry for the duplicate(you can delete this one if it is a repeat!)!
Anyhow, this is one might fine project that definitely got me finally combing through some of the thoughts I’ve had in the back of my brain lately. Thanks for being such a fantastic spokeswoman!
This is so overwhelming. So many emotions flood when having to talk about this in the true “raw” form (as many have said). It’s perfect and terrifying all at the same time. Working on my blog post as we speak…
Thank you!
Mine’s up too.
My experience with infertility is short, compared to many, but no matter who is dealing with it, it is never easy.
It’s amazing reading the stories of so many other people. It makes it a little easier to bear.
Like many of us these themes resonated for me…
Thanks for the opportunity to share my story and help spread the word about infertility! It’s amazing how uneducated the general population is and even a lot of Ob/Gyns are!
I didn’t realize how much I needed to get out about this. My post ended up being way longer than I thought! Thanks for letting all of us share our stories!
Mine will be up on May 1st.
I’m so glad you are doing this.
Thank you.
I finally posted mine, after typing/deleting/overthinking/underthinking for almost a week. This was difficult and cathartic and I thank you for creating this forum.
Coming off hiatus for this. What if?
This is absolutely amazing. I hope it makes a difference to the outside world. But regardless, amazing!
I finished my post. I feel so much better now that I’ve gotten all of that off my shoulders.
I struggled with this, as I have SO many “what IFs” to share, but I chose just one:). Thank you for doing this. What a wonderful opportunity to both work through some feelings AND advocate for the cause. THANK YOU!
This was such a good idea, and one that I struggled with participating in because I was a bit emotional about it, but I’m glad I did, and glad I could put a larger face on what my struggle might mean.
Thank you for giving us a place to share are voices! It’s so refreshing to know we are not alone.
I am reading as many as I can, and I have to say , they are flooring me. I haven’t had dry eyes since Tuesday. Thank you…all of you , for sharing these stories.
Mine is also up.
What a wonderful way to spread the word. It was really great to go back and explore those feelings I had while in the middle of IF, and even though we have been blessed with a child it has been interesting to see if those feelings are still there. I can’t wait to read some other posts!