Mondegreens: The Best Things You’ve Misheard

This all began when my son asked to be renamed Jancefer Birdie (um…his version of “chance for a birdie”) and the mondegreens people offered were too good not to compile in one place for your viewing pleasure. This list is added to constantly, with the newest ones at the top rather than the bottom. Add your mondegreen (in other words, a phrase you misheard) in the comment section and I will move it up to the list as soon as I can.  Keep them coming and check back often to see new ones.

Updated: I have now started a new site to collect all of these over here: Mondegreens (thank you, Chickenpig, for the push!).  Keep them coming.  How to submit is on the right sidebar.

1. I used to think Steve Perry was shouting, “CINNAMON GUM!!!” in “Oh Sherry”. Instead of the actual “Should’ve been gone” (from Wendy).
2. Anyone remember “Le Freak?”  Over and over the song repeats “Le freak, C’est chic!  Freak out!”  I have a friend who used to think it was “Le freak, it’s a sheep! Freak cow!”  In the 80′s song “Fascinated,” part of the lyrics are “I’m fascinated by your love, boy.”    I had an old roommate who thought it was “I’m masturbating with a glove, boy.” (from Janet).
3. Until his late teens/early-20′s my husband used to sing “Give me the Beach Boys and free my soul” (instead of “Give me the beat, boys, and free my soul” by the Doobie Brothers) (from Tigger).
4. My sil’s sister thought it was “too late to call the Nye’s”  instead of “too late to apologize.”  My kids thought Queen has a chicken song:  ”We are the chickens, we are the chickens, no time for woosters(sic), ’cause we are the chickens of the world”.  I kid you not.  I know Freddie Mercury is probably rolling over in his grave about now (from JuliaS).
5. The girl who cuts my hair always tells me stories about her son.  He sings the song “Poker Face” as if it were saying “Poke HER Face”.  But that isn’t nice (and he’s a nice little boy), so he instead says “Poke My Face”.  It sounds so unintentionally and innocently dirty, we both crack up laughing (from Fizzlemed).
6. When I was a kid they used to show commercials on tv for the armed forces that said “Army, Navy, Airforce, Marines.”  My brother still makes fun of me for saying “Army, Navy, AIRPORTS, Marines.”  Oh, and in the Dave Matthews Song “Ants Marching” where he sings “playing under the table and dreaming” I always thought it flowed better as “under the table and DRINKING.” (from Denise).
7. Our father, who art in heaven / How do you know my name?
   Bitter chains, round my heart. Yeah! (Billy Jeans not my lover)
   And everyone knows the first line of the chorus for funky town is actually Japanese (ish)…… dah le lah
   “nu jitsit witsu ……………da le lah Funky Town” (from B).
8. From Blinded By The Light (by Manfred Mann’s Earth Band).  “Blinded by the light, wrapped up like a douche bag in the middle of the night” (from B–see Kristin’s too).
9. From ‘Heart, I just died in your arms tonight’ by Whitesnake – the correct lyrics are “I just died in your arms tonight.  It must have been something you said”.  I always thought it was “Must have been something I ate” – which made perfect sense to me.  Also, my brother used to sing ‘I met a vol-au-vent’ for ‘Under the boardwalk’. (from Hope Springs).
10. Mine is from the bit in Tiffany’s “I think we’re alone now” that goes “I think we’re alone now / There doesn’t seem to be anyone around / I think we’re alone now / The beating of our hearts is the only sound.”  For years I thought the last line was “They’re beating up a horse, it’s the only sound” (from Hamstergirl).
11. College- when “Venus” by Bananarama was popular.  Except, I didn’t know the name of the song at first was “Venus” (neither did my roomate), so we sang….  ”I’m your penis, I’m your fire, your desire…” (from Shelli).
12. Zoot Suit Riot.  I thought for a long time that they sang “I’m goin’ home through your coal black hair” instead of “Pull a comb through your coal black hair.”  Yep – another twisted one (from Jenni).
13. Mine isn’t a song lyric (or even mine for that matter), but my husband discovered AFTER he graduated from college that the phrase isn’t “all intensive purposes” but “all intents and purposes.” lol  I still make fun of him for that one! (from Krystal).
14. My brother used to go around singing “hot spurs in my material” to the line “our spirits in the material world”  by the Police (from Chickenpig).
15. Mine was the Beatles Paperback Writer:  The beginning I thought it was “Take the Back Right Turn”  I’m so ashamed since this is one of my all time favorite songs.  My friend’s though was great.  His name is Howard and he was raised a Catholic.  So for years he felt great about himself since he had the same first name as Gd.  ”Our Father who art in heaven, HOWARD be thy name…”  His parents nearly passed out when he told the priest (from Journeywoman).
16. I could’ve sworn Fall Out Boy’s “Sugar We’re Going Down Swinging” said: “c*ck getting p**sy” — instead of “cock it and pull it”.  I was so shocked I asked out loud, and ev.ery.one. laughed! (from Susy).
17. My favorite is actually my husband’s.  In The Who’s song Who Are You? (which is the theme song for CSI, one of our favorite shows) the lyrics go “Whoooo are you Who who who who? Whoooo are you Who who who who?”  He thinks it’s “OOOO aw wooo woo woo woo woo”  No words at all, just sounds, kinda like a train.  We get a laugh out of this dispute every Thursday (from Nicole).
18. The song that irritates my husband the most is U2 “The Sweetest Thing” – I sing it as “The Sweetest ThingS” – Every single time he reminds me that it’s not plural. Of course I continue to sing it that way just to make him laugh (from Searching for Serenity).
19. My mom heard a song by LIT, “Can we forget about the things I said when I was drunk?  I didn’t mean to call you FAT (supposed to be that)”.  Hey, it totally made sense with the lyrics and she still likes to sing it her way.  I also used to screw up Bad Moon on the Rise.  I thought he was saying “There’s a bathroom on the right.” (from Christa).
20. Years ago Celine Dion’s ‘Immortality” was played ALL the time.  For a VERY long time I thought the words were ‘ The storm will never end, my foetus on the wind’.  It is actually: ‘My storm will never end, My fate is on the wind’ (from Andrea).
21. One of my best friends grew up thinking the lyrics to the song “More Than a Woman” by the Bee Gees was actually “Four Letter Woman,” because she knew that four letter words were something sexy and dirty, and this woman, the Bee Gees magical more than a woman woman, was somehow dirty and sexy too. But now, I cannot hear that song without belting out “Four Letter Woooooman. Four letter Woman to Meeeee. ” (from Angie).
22. In Blind Melon’s song “No Rain”, the actual lyric is “And all I can do is just pour some tea for two.” My interpretation:  ”And all I can do is just pull some teeth or two.” (from Meim).
23. When I was in kindergarten, we had a substitute teacher who taught us Japanese. I came home from school proclaiming I knew my “itchy knee socks” when I really meant ” ichi, ni, san”- one, two, three (from Tara).
24. My kids watch “Caillou” on PBS, and I thought that part of the theme song was, “Growing up sometimes sucks, I have had enough.” A little dark for children’s television! I just looked up the lyrics and it’s actually “Growing up is not so tough, except when I’ve had enough.” Oh (from Jjiraffe).
25. Secret Asian Man (for Secret Agent Man).  I think a lot of people have thought that one.  Hang On, Stupid (or sometimes, Hang on, Snoopy) for “Hang on Sloopy” by the McCoys (a terrible 60′s pop song). I could never figure out why this guy was calling a girl he liked stupid (from Lorin).
26. Back in the Dark Ages when I was in the 3rd grade, our Music teacher asked if anyone knew the words to “The Battle Hymn of the Republic.”  Immediately my hand shot up and the teacher picked me to write the words on the blackboard.  With great confidence I strode to the front of the class and wrote:  ”My knives have seen the glory…”  Oooops.  I still remember the teacher trying to hide her amusement as she corrected it to read: “Mine eyes have seen the glory…” (from Suzanna Catherine).
27. One of my most embarrassing mondegreens was in high school when I thought Salt N Pepa’s “None of Your Business,” where I heard “the difference between a hooker and a ho’ ain’t nothing but her feet.”
    I figured hookers walk the streets in really high heels, so they must have ganked up feet. Of course, they were really saying “the difference between a hooker and a ho’ ain’t nothing but a FEE.” (from Krista).
28. From a Manic Street Preachers song. The original says “A bronze moth dies easily.” The singer really sounds like he says, “I bronze my thighs easily.” (from Rebecca).
29. “I wanna rock and roll all night / And part of every day.” Because even rock n rollers need their sleep… And how could I forget Bruce Springsteen’s “Ten Devils in a Freezer.” (known to most of the rest of the world as “Tenth Avenue Freeze-out”) (from Niobe).
30. “Give to me your letter, take from me my name” Stevie Nicks (real words: “give to me your leather, take from me my lace”). I was sure that they were getting married and she was saying that she was taking his name (“your letter” meaning his monogram, I guess) and giving up hers. Since I didn’t want to change my name when I got married, I thought it was a very submissive way to say it. TAKE my name from me? Sheesh! (from Rebecca).
31. My favorite misheard lyric, though, is from a Rob Thomas song (Lonely No More, I think). He says “Open up to me like you do your girlfriends.” I always hear “Open up to me, so I can do your girlfriends.” I think I’m just the suspicious sort (from A).
32. The song is “The Love You Save” by the Jackson 5: I got my butt way before my crotchee. The real words: Look both ways before you cross me… (from Royalyne).
33. “Hold me closer Tony Danza.” — Elton John (from Katie).
34. 80’s Quarterflash song: “I’m gonna harden my heart..I’m gonna swallow my tears” I always sang “I’m gonna swallow my tea herbs..” who the Hell knows why? Did I think Tea was going to help her get over what’s his name? (from Kir).
35. From Blinded By The Light (by Manfred Mann’s Earth Band). I know the lyrics are “Blinded by the light, revved up like a deuce, another runner in the night,” but I hear “Blinded by the light, revved up like a douche, another runner in the night.” (from Kristin).
36. Mine’s not a lyric, but my stepdaughter came into my life as a teenager, and suddenly I was attending a bunch of softball games, a new experience for me. When her team played against a team with a very vocal coach, I couldn’t for the life of me figure out why he wanted each girl on his team who came to bat to “Get your cell phone!” (“Get yourself on [base]“). Oh, and there’s my stepson, famous both for, “Don’t go, Jason Waterfalls!” (“Don’t go chasin’ waterfalls) (from Alexicographer).
37. My mondegreens weren’t as funny as my little sister’s, who used to think that “We Built this City on Rock and Roll” was actually “A Milk is Sitting on Rock and Roll.” (from Serenity).
38. I thought the song “Bedrock” said “Call me Mr. Flintstone, I can make you better.” Y’know. Like the vitamins? Then one day, I shut my trap and didn’t sing along – and realized it’s “I can make your bed rock.” (from Allison).
39. Beatles – Michelle. “Some day Mokie won’t play piano song, play piano song.” I had NO clue they were speaking French… DH has a cute one – he thought Hank Williams was singing “Willie the Honky Tonk Moose” haha (from Sarah).
40. My cousin called me one day a few years back to ask me the lyrics to “Buttons” by the PCD…he thought the words were “Lotion up my butt and spank” and in reality they are “Loosen up my buttons, babe.” (from Caitlin).
41. When I was a kid learning to sing the ABC song, I thought for a long time that L M N O was “Ella Menno.” Funny story along those lines – when I was an adult visiting South Africa, I called somewhere for directions and was told to take a highway the name of which I couldn’t decipher although it sounded like “Enema.” I asked “How do you spell that?” and got a long silence in response. When I looked at a map I realized that it was the “NMR” highway (from Elizabeth).
42. I originally thought Boot Scooting Boogie was BooB Scooting Boogie. Yeah. Hey, I’m short, and many restaurant booth tables are tall with low seats so I end up being able to rest my boobs on the table. Made sense to me… (from Blanche).
43. Just call me angel of the morning, angel. Just touch my teeth before you leave me… I think I was maybe in college when someone told me it was “cheek.” Well heck, maybe Juice Newton could have enunciated better, no? But my baby brother’s mondegreen is way better. I remember him running around the house as a kid singing: “I’m a cheerio….I’m a cheerio…” And being like, dude. What the hell are you saying? And him looking at me like I was an idiot and saying, “uh, that song from Madonna, stupid. That one that’s always on the radio.” (from M).
44. “Ooo eee ooo I look just like Buddy Holly / Oh Oh and you’re Mary Tyler Moore / I don’t care what they say about us anyway / I don’t care ’bout that.” My sister used to swear that the third line was “I don’t care what they say about seaweed.” No reason (from PiquantMolly).
45. “Don’t cry for me Aunty Tina” known to most as “Don’t cry for me Argentina” (from MommyinWaiting).
46. AC/DC song lyrics are “it’s a long way to the top if you wanna rock and roll” often sung ” it’s a long way to the shop if you wanna sausage roll” (from Vee).
47. I used to sing, “You might as well face it you’re a dick to love” and even once I stood corrected I still think my lyric is better (from Calliope).
48. I used to think in My Country Tis of Thee that the line was ‘of the icing’ (from Rachel).
49. The only think I can think of is some country song I heard growing up – I swore it said “I spill tea all over your B-O-D,” which being interpreted is, “I smell T-R-O-U-B-L-E”… (from NotTheMama).
50. Instead of “Afroman likes tall cans / Afroman likes tall cans”, I always heard “Afroman likes small cans / Afroman likes taaaalking”. I assumed Afroman was trying to showcase his good qualities in a song otherwise about his rampant alcoholism in a desperate bid to find a nice partner (from Manapan).
51. From my sister–for the song “(You Make Me Feel Like A ) Natural Woman” by Aretha Franklin. She thought the lyrics were “You make me feel like a man but you are a woman” (from Michelle).
52. “Donuts make my brown eyes blue.” (from Aunt Misfit).
53. Jimmy Hendrix with “’scuse me while I kiss this guy” (not the sky). Well, the guy made more sense to me than the sky. Hubs still says “f**k them and you’re low” (that would be Prodigy with F’em and their law) (from Mina).
54. Oh dear. Back in the early nineties, when I was a wee adolescent, my close friend loved the Red Hot Chili Peppers. Particularly the song “Give It Away.” She always turned it up to eleven when this song came on the radio. One day we were shouting along to the lyrics and when I got to this line “I can’t tell if I’m a kisser or a popper,” she stared at me like I had 40 eyeballs. Of course due to the fact that the line is actually “I can’t tell if I’m a kingpin or a pauper.” She then made me explain just what I thought my version of the line meant and I mumbled some hideously self-conscious prattle about how I thought he was not sure if he wanted to just kiss someone or have sex with them. Because apparently my simple 16-year-old self believed that a “popper” was a hip slang term for a person having sex. Virgin alert! Nerd alert! Virgin nerd alert! (from Stephanie).