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Life Vignettes

Back in college, I worked for the National Endowment of the Humanities.  Part of my job was to take apart the grants and put them into this special format to aid the selection committee with quick cross-comparisons.

One day, my boss came into my office and asked if she could talk to me about P-Satch.  All of our files began with the letter P and were followed by a number (for example P-34), but I had never seen one followed by letters so I told her I didn’t know what it was and she walked out of my office.

She came back in a few minutes later and said, “I really think you know about P-Satch.”

I shrugged my shoulders and said, “I have P-67 through P-71 right now.”

She left my office only to return again, equally insistent that I must know about this missing file.  She finally asked if she could show me something in her office and she brought me to her calendar where in faint print at the bottom of the square said the word “Pesach.”

“Oh,” I said, a little surprised that someone working for a major Humanities organization didn’t know it was a major Jewish holiday.  Or…at least think to come into my office and ask if I could list any upcoming Jewish holidays as the one token Jew on staff.  But I explained that Pesach was just the Hebrew word for “Passover” and it was that Last Supper holiday she probably knew about through Jesus Christ’s crucifixion and resurrection.

Since that day, I’ve always pronounced the holiday P-Satch, creating a new generation of people mispronouncing the holiday name.

The point of all of this is that P-Satch begins tonight.


I know the focus on everyone’s mind with the census was the adoption question, but all I could think about were the people I should have had to count.  Isn’t it strange?  They weren’t there for the last census, and they certainly weren’t here for this census, and for all accounts and purposes, they didn’t exist in the grand sense of the census-taking world.  But they existed for me and it is strange that they’re tucked into the last decade, just a few notes in a diary rather than a number on a form.  Today is the anniversary of an early loss.  We did the math in the car last night and realized I was at the hospital seven years ago.

I remember once reading an article when I was younger about an eight-year-old girl who had died.  She was born a year or two after the census and she wasn’t here for the census that came months after she died.  I know the census doesn’t count actual humans–we have birth certificates and death certificates (though too many parents who have lost a child will tell you that death certificates are not a given) for that.  She obviously existed.  But it is such a strange idea, the concept of counting populations in ten year intervals and all the people who fall through the cracks.


We have to buy a new car or we have to put a lot of money into an existing car–more money than the car is probably worth.  This fact sucks, but I’m trying not to focus on the money issue.  Instead, I am driving myself crazy by thinking about the size issue.

I always pictured myself the type who would drive around a gaggle of children, some my own and some their loud-mouth friends who will teach my children all sorts of non-socialist crap that I will need to spend my nights deprogramming (what?  Did I say that aloud?).  It turns out that in order to drive around three or more kids, you need a car that seats more than 5.  This math probably doesn’t sound quite right, but you need to subtract the two front seats for safety reasons, and most bench backseats cannot take more than two booster seats at a time.  Which means that if I want to have this scenario, I need to buy a car with 6 or 7 seats.

I would have never made this scenario happen if we weren’t in a place where we needed to buy a new car.  But still, am I buying more car than I need to fulfill another person’s needs?  After all, why are said loud-mouth children in the car other than the fact that I am doing their parents a favour by shlepping around their non-bleeding-heart-socialist beasts?

Still, I can’t get this idea out of my head, and the reality is that we need a larger car if we have another child because we’re not going to buy another new car (hopefully) in the five years or more after we purchase this one.  But aren’t you supposed to make major purchases based on what you know right now?  What I know right now is that we only have two kids.  Are you seeing the circular thoughts yet?  It’s like the Windmills of Your Mind in here.

Oh–and compounding the problem is the fact that I hate to drive large cars.  I’m a small car sort of person.  So a mini-van, no matter how useful, is out.  We’re now looking at a few cars like the KIA Rondo or the Mazda 5 which have third row seating, but are on a car frame.

I guess I’m telling you all of this because I’d love to hear from people who drive a 6 or 7 seat car-frame vehicle and can tell me their thoughts.  Especially those who moved from a 5-seat small car to a larger car and are happy they did so (or hey, I’d love to hear from people who are miserable so I don’t make the same mistake).  And anyone else who wants to weigh in with car thoughts (except making the suggestion of a mini van or SUV because we’ve ruled those out despite good arguments) because we didn’t expect to be in this space where we have to make a decision, but finding ourselves here, we want to make the decision well so we don’t have regrets down the road.

Get it?  Down the road?


1 Heather { 03.29.10 at 1:16 pm }

I went from a VW beetle to an Expedition.

It does take some getting used to. BUT, I can fit wheelchairs, feeding supplies, an IV pole, 4 children (when my nieces visit, and groceries…all at the same time!

2 Heather { 03.29.10 at 1:21 pm }

P.S. Happy P-Satch!

3 S { 03.29.10 at 1:55 pm }

Ah, the car question.

As someone who is still childless, I don’t have much to offer in the way of guidance. But I will tell you that when I bought my current sedan FIVE YEARS AGO I specifically bought a 4-door sedan–as opposed to the 2-door coupe I had before it–because I thought surely, if I were ever going to have children, I would do so before I got rid of this car (which I planned to keep for 6-7 years). I was unmarried at the time but still want through this mental analysis.

Now I have begun thinking of getting another car in the next 12-18 months and have thought a lot about what to get. I turned 39 this month, so my goal is to hold out until after my 40th birthday. And if I get there and am still childless (and not pregnant)–which seems quite likely–I am toying with the idea of getting a 2-seater sports car. . . . something I’ve never thought of buying until finding myself unable to conceive.

Funny how such decisions are so fraught, when they should just be practical.

4 HereWeGoAJen { 03.29.10 at 1:57 pm }

I drove the 15 passenger bus when I was a summer school teacher. That’s big.

If it helps, my mom claims that she didn’t want a mini-van and hated mini-vans. Then we got a mini-van and now she says it is her favorite car of all time. (And we haven’t had it in fifteen years at this point.)

5 Audrey { 03.29.10 at 1:58 pm }

Sorry to hear about the unexpected expense. Our larger vehicle is a big station wagon that has integrated boosters and you can get the third row seat for the back. I don’t have the third row, but the integrated boosters are killer! You could potentially wedge a carseat in the middle between the boosters, certainly an infant seat and possibly a convertible also, though I have never tried this.

I will say that having driven small cars exclusively other than this one, I don’t love it. The thing feels like a tank, but I am not sure you can get the capacity you’re looking for otherwise. And truthfully, I might feel that way because our other car is a small underpowered Toyota and it is what I drive most of the time, so I have never really gotten used to the behemoth.

This is a tough decision, I think. I vacillate between being grateful for having a “safe” car a few times a year and a large car for our few occasions requiring the space and just being indifferent to it at best for about 8 months out of the year. Good luck.

6 serenity { 03.29.10 at 2:01 pm }

I went from a Jetta to a Subaru Outback. And I’ll be honest – it’s small for just the three of us. The backseat is tiny. We’ll manage if we have another baby at some point, but I often wish I had a bigger car. Except I’m like you. I hate bigger cars. Thus the reason why I loved the Subaru.

I think it’s a good compromise to get a car that’s got an extra row of seating but still manages to feel compact. Only thing you’ll have to consider is trunk space. From what I hear, you sacrifice in trunk space for that third row of seating. Though if it’s removable, you can have the best of both worlds right now – the expansion space when (and yes, I said WHEN) you need it, and the small feel for now.

And Happy P-Satch. Passover was really the one story that really resonated with me when I was a kid. The idea that people were huddled in their houses while the Angel of Death swept through their neighborhood… protected only by some lamb’s blood on their doorjamb? That was some serious imagination fodder for me.


7 Betty M { 03.29.10 at 2:04 pm }

We are about to buy a ford S Max – three proper car seats across the back plus 2 seats in the boot should you need them but looks/feels like a car.

8 Mrs. Higrens { 03.29.10 at 2:05 pm }

We bought my Highlander (SUV alert) 5 years ago with the expectation that I would be hauling kids within a couple years. 5 years later we’re finally hoping to be installing an infant seat in the next 4-5 months. I moved up from an Acura Integra sedan and it was the most comfortable of the mid-size SUV’s we test-drove (Honda, Chevy, Toyota). At that time there weren’t as many car based options, so I can’t speak to that, though I would say that the Highlander is still smaller than my parent’s car-based Mercury Marquis station wagon (and with the 3 row in place is able to seat more)!

9 Shelli { 03.29.10 at 2:06 pm }

I had been driving an endless array of large SUV’s for the last decade, thinking I would SURELY fill up all the seats. Finally, I let my head rule over my heart for once…

I am now driving a Ford Fusion (mid-size car). Best decision I ever made. Cheaper payment, cheaper insurance, AND I got rid of the bad memories I attached to the many SUVs.

I guess my assvice is totally useless since you are considering the opposite. Sorry about that. lol.

10 Kim { 03.29.10 at 2:07 pm }

The car dilemma reminds me of a jeans dilemma I had back in the fall. Do I buy the size bigger to give myself some space or do I just stick with what I’ve got because I will hopefully be rockin’ maternity jeans in a matter of weeks?

I bought the jeans, lived in the moment, and decided to deal with the maternity jeans when I get there. Hmm. Not there yet. But the flipside to this debate is that I freaked out and stepped up to my 10+ IF pounds today and started tracking my eating.

I think the moral of my ramblings is that IF shows up in the strangest places. It’s just a car, and it in no way means anything about your future family status. Make yourself happy now, in whatever way that entails. If that means keeping hope alive with a bigger car or living for the moment you are in with a smaller sized car that makes you happier.

11 susy { 03.29.10 at 2:12 pm }

[[Hugs]] for your loss-anniversary.

I’m a small-car person too, b/c I need to ‘feel’ as though all the ‘corners’ of the car are close to me, so I won’t hit anything. Didn’t always work, but it made me feel better. When we started TTC, I knew I needed to ‘give up’ the 2-door for a 4-door even though there wasn’t a little one yet – and didn’t show for years – and no one “got me”. So I totally get the whole planning for the future w/ car purchases. Sucks to even have to think about it like this!

Anyway, I’ve ended up w/ a Scion XB – however it doesn’t have 3rd row seating, so that’s out for you. I did test-drive a FordFlex was quite comfortable in it – with my small-car mind! Sorry I’m not much help.

Happy P-Satch!

12 Erika { 03.29.10 at 2:13 pm }

First of all, Happy P-satch! That’s such a great story!

On the car front… it’s amazing how many emotions get stirred up with this decsion! We recently purchased a new 2009 Dodge Caliber. I LOVE it. It has an auxilary jack so my ipod (or any other mp3 player) plugs directly into the car and it has an actual outlet so I can plug in my camera charger, laptop, or whatever else I want to plug in 🙂

We went to the car show in January and I decided if through some miracle we needed a larger car in the future I loved the Dodge Journey (all the things I love about my Caliber, just more seats). http://www.dodge.com/en/2010/journey/

It had built in booster seats and it wasn’t a mini-van (yes I’m totally anti mini-van) and it wasn’t HUGE. Plus the third row of seats was VERY EASILY accessible. I have no experience actually driving it, but I did love it as i tried out all the features.

13 Lollipopgoldstein { 03.29.10 at 2:13 pm }

I am glad I asked this here because it’s all helpful to hear. I guess our two choices are to go with a five-seater car such as the Ford Fusion or a Honda Civic (and pay less, have a real trunk, and stick with a size we know) or the 6-or-7 seat car such as a Kia Rondo or Mazda 5 ( or now, Ford S-Max–thank you for the suggestion!) where we’d pay more, but have more space. And space is something that makes me happy up until a point. I wouldn’t want more space than I can handle, but I want all the space I can handle. If that makes any sense in car terms or in house terms.

14 Mrs. Higrens { 03.29.10 at 2:14 pm }

That should be a Mercury Sable station wagon…not Marquis.

And I also wanted to mention that my starter car was a 1980 Toyota Corolla, which was probably the size of today’s Yaris, so everything after that has been bigger and I’ve had to adjust. It’s taken me a good 6-7 years to get used to driving my husband’s sequentially owned Chevy Tahoe’s, and I still prefer not to drive it unless I absolutely have to. Of course, since he now drives a Mini for commuting, even he has to adjust to the difference between the two vehicles. (Yes, we own 3 cars. They all have their purposes. Our neighbors across the street own 4. It’s suburban living at it’s finest!)

15 Erika { 03.29.10 at 2:17 pm }

I had a comment all typed and hit submit and it’s not showing up. Frustrating. ANyway, the short of it is I love the new Dodge Journey. http://www.dodge.com/en/2010/journey/ If you want to know why let me know, I don’t want to type it all over again.

Happy P-satch!

16 katie { 03.29.10 at 2:43 pm }

We have been researching family history as part of our adoption preparation – a lot of the early censuses were really inaccurate but Himself found a relative who was listed as “2 days old” on one of them. Very accurate!

17 Alexicographer { 03.29.10 at 2:53 pm }

I’m not sure how old kids need to be before they go booster-less, but should you buy a 6+ seater in order to be able to accommodate Chickienob’s and Wolvog’s friends? You hint at this (and I would say, definitely do it … very nice to be able to take friends along), but don’t seem to consider it a deciding point. I might well.

18 Calliope { 03.29.10 at 3:03 pm }

As someone that once drove a small VW and now drives a massive land yacht (sigh) I will say that it does sometimes suck. I still bitch every time I have to park the car.
I puffy heart the Mazda 5 and in my mind it is what I drive. That or the VW wagon.

19 A.M.S. { 03.29.10 at 3:15 pm }

rushing out the door at the moment, but if I don’t comment now I won’t remember to later. I switched from my saturn to a mazda 5 in preparation for Zoe and Lennox and have been driving it around since then, because the lease isn’t up until this October. I’ve really enjoyed it, and typically it only has me as the sole passenger. If you’ve got questions about it, email me and I’ll be happy to give you my POV.

20 loribeth { 03.29.10 at 3:43 pm }

I don’t drive so I’m no help on cars, but I understand where you’re coming from. One of the reasons we bought our house was the large, kid-friendly backyard. 20 years later, we rarely use the backyard, & dh grumbles all the time about how much work it is to mow the lawn — & scans the ads for condos.

Did you see the story in Sunday’s New York Times about the White House seder? Some of Obama’s campaign workers had an impromptu Passover seder during the 2008 campaign, which he crashed — & they did it again last year at the White House (& presumably again tonight). So even though there’s never been a Jewish president, a Passover seder has been celebrated in the White House.

21 Mina { 03.29.10 at 3:48 pm }

First, happy P-satch!

We have a Saab 9-3 Sport Combi, which we got 3 years ago precisely with a larger family in mind.We are very pleased with it. It is not too long (although long enough, 4.8 m), and I can still fit into ‘normal’ parking spaces. But it is spacious enough to fit a LOT in it. You can easily fit two kiddy car seats, with space in-between for a smaller one. The boot is huuuuge, and I am really happy to be able to chose a pram to fit my own views on the topic and not the possible needs (foldable into a tiny piece so it can fit into the car).

Before that I used to drive a Chevrolet Spark – which coming to think about it, I might be able, with a bit of enthusiasm, to squeeze in the boot of the current 9-3… I was terrified in the beginning, but got used to it quickly, since it is a very friendly car, it drives wonderfully, has a wonderful consumption (it’s a diesel, bi-turbo, so also has quite enough power), and it is known for being a very safe car (and in Germany, where all drive insanely fast, it is a very important feat).

Since Saab has recently been sold by GM and needs to rebuild their customer base, I think you might be able to get a good deal. (And no, I don’t work for Saab, I just like my car very much. ;-))

22 Michelle { 03.29.10 at 3:50 pm }

A friend has the Mazda 5 and really likes it. We took her car on a recent road trip with 5 women, and we all commented on how nice it was to have the space of a minivan with the feel of a car. The only drawback that she pointed out is that you don’t have much storage space once you put in the third row of seats, which could be an issue if you think the car will be full of people and stuff at some point (though you could always put on a roof rack system — that’s what we do to add more storage to our small hatchback).

Sorry about the forced car decision. Same thing happened to me 5 years ago, and it was a major bummer, though we ended up being very happy with our new car (Toyota Matrix). And I totally relate to the circular thinking. It is paralyzing, no?

23 Jennifer { 03.29.10 at 3:51 pm }

Last summer my Explorer died. I loved that car. It was my first new car. But due to CARS and the SUV market it was better to trade it then fix it. We bought a VW Jetta wagon. I hate it!!! I miss the storage room and being up high to see out. I really miss being able to keep the full size stroller in the back and still have room for all the groceries/shopping/kid stuff. We wanted to look at a Mazda 5, but no dealership around us had any in stock at that time. I think the storage and room in the car is what I miss most.

24 Quiet Dreams { 03.29.10 at 4:04 pm }

P-satch Same-ach.

25 Quiet Dreams { 03.29.10 at 4:05 pm }

I mean “same-atch.”

26 Kate (Bee In The Bonnet) { 03.29.10 at 4:31 pm }

I thought about that when the census came, that if they were using the information for allotment of school funds and roads and sidewalks and whatnot, then it’s really not very fair, because with any luck, a short month or two after the census is taken, there will be two new citizens living in our house who will need things like schools and libraries and roads and sidewalks.

We ended up getting a car back in October, shortly after finding out we were knocked up with two. And I’m *sort of* regretting not getting something bigger. We ended up with a Hyun.dai Sonata, which is much bigger than the subcompact we were driving before, and it will be fine for babies, but as for school-age children, we’ll need something bigger, I think. I was just thinking recently that when we travel to see family or have visitors here, we’ll have to rent something larger, because you can’t get more than two adults and two car seats in our car. Can’t be done. So… I guess that’s just one of those “Cross Bridge Upon Arrival” scenarios for us. Though I am very much like you in that I *really* don’t want something on a truck frame– too big, too unwieldy. I’m just a compact kind of girl, I guess! So, I’m glad to know that there are a couple of models out there that have more seating on a smaller frame. Very nice to know.

27 Kristin { 03.29.10 at 4:34 pm }

I have no vehicle selections because I drive a mini-van and am relatively happy with it. However, I think a larger vehicle is a sound decision. Long road trips are easier with more room. Having the kidlets’ friends around is inevitable. And, these will hold true whether or not you are blessed with another child (which, btw, I really hope happens for you).

28 Cait { 03.29.10 at 5:24 pm }

We have a Mazda5 and are pretty happy with it. Our wagon began a death spiral before T was conceived, and we decided to go with the bigger car in hopes that someday we’d have two carseats to contend with and thus need more space if we ever wanted more than our family to fit in the car. For carting around extra kids in boosters or beyond, it works well. For fitting extra adults or really anyone else when you have two carseats semi-permanently installed in the middle row, it works less well. More seating on a small base = less legroom in the back. And moving seats with carseats installed on them to fit someone into a back row is tricky and sometimes impossible, so said person (usually me) might have to climb over the back row to get in. And if you’re trying to fit a stroller in with all the seats in use, it needs to be a small stroller. All that said, though, we don’t regret our choice. It works well for our needs, we like the flexibility, and I can still park it in the city (as well as I park anything, that is).

29 TasIVFer { 03.29.10 at 7:21 pm }

Just buy 4 Minis. And train a few monkeys to drive.

(Sorry – still childless, so only smartass from me. Especially as AF just arrived, I’m crampy, and just started on the Synarel for my 12th stim cycle. Now, where’s my chocolate?!)

30 a { 03.29.10 at 7:35 pm }

I have friends who are all about the minivan – you should test drive one, at least. However, we have Nissans, and the Altima is a decent small sedan with good power…much better than a Honda Civic (I hate those cars!!!). It also has a huge trunk. The Sentra is too small and powerless, though. I don’t know much about larger vehicles, but I don’t like them anyway. You seem a bit like a station wagon kind of girl. 🙂

Happy P-Satch.

Sorry about the loss anniversary.

31 luna { 03.29.10 at 7:47 pm }

just saw your comment above. we don’t have the same problem exactly (except for the wanting more kids but not knowing if/when that will ever happen part). but we bought a honda civic and I love it, but it’s really too small.

I would definitely look at the new honda accord crosstour (new hatchback) if we were buying today. I *really* miss having a hatchback — you get SO much more space. our trunk is just too small (partly because we got a hybrid). we really wanted an odyssey or cr-v but they were $ and probably too big for us.

32 Jenni { 03.29.10 at 8:05 pm }

I had that exact same reaction to the census. Especially weird to read the extra instructions about how to count newborns who are under a year old. Because I have one. Except, I totally don’t have one. Little landmines everywhere, huh?

Sorry I have no car advice to offer. I do like my Hyundai Elantra lots though.

33 meghan { 03.29.10 at 8:53 pm }

We’re in the middle of the car debate too. My brother in law just mentioned the Honda Crosstour too me, we haven’t checked it out yet. I’m with you, I like teeny cars and don’t really understand all of the people who say that you have to get a big ol SUV as soon as you have a kid. We’ve done just fine in our Prius and I’m trying to convince Adam we should just get another one (because I bet we could get a crazy deal right now) but he has his heart set on a CRV. I will say that I had a Mazda 5 before it’s re-design (back when it was the Protege 5) and I LOVED it!!! Drove great, tons of room, I’m a big fan of the hatch back.

I’ll be thinking about your these next few days, I’m sorry for your loss-versary

34 Christa { 03.29.10 at 10:34 pm }

I drive a Chevy Venture which my ex-husband and I purchased brand new in 2004 with the assumption that we would be pregnant soon after that and we needed a larger vehicle (the Camaro simply wouldn’t work). Now I’m divorced, remarried and still no kids. Heck, by the time we DO have kids I’ll need a new car! So we definitely learned our lesson that you should make major purchases based on what you know right now!

35 Annie { 03.29.10 at 10:56 pm }

Regrettably, we have a Mazda which seems to have car leprosy. It may be due to our extreme bad luck, or maybe they’re just not as reliable as they’re reputed to be.

36 Flying Monkeys { 03.29.10 at 11:02 pm }

I’d never thought about cracks the census creates. Maybe because my husband intercepts the mail and fills out the forms. I’ll have to ask him to look at it this year.
Great P-Satch story. : )

37 Manapan { 03.30.10 at 1:08 am }

Yeah, I hate to admit it, but filling out the census made me cry this year! I’m such a wuss sometimes. Sorry about your anniversary. ((hugs))

38 Baby Smiling In Back Seat { 03.30.10 at 7:04 am }

I’m the one who bought a tiny car a few weeks before my twins were born because my garage is tiny, so I’m not the one to ask.

My (very non-Jewish) father on every holiday wishes us a “Good Yuntuff” because that’s the phonetic version of what he was once told. DH, who is fluent in Hebrew and has a hard time understanding what it’s like for those who aren’t, cracks up at my dad’s pronunciation of Yom Tov and also at the fact that Good and Tov are redundant. For someone who’s usually so non-judgmental, DH is such a linguistic snob.

39 Guera! { 03.30.10 at 7:16 am }

The PSatch story cracked me up! That is so funny. Your thoughts about the census and all the beings that existed that won’t be counted on the census was very telling and touching.

40 Bea { 03.30.10 at 8:07 am }

The next door neighbour has her three kids in a Mazda. Now which one is it? It doesn’t have a third row of seating. It is a basic sedan with 5 seats. I guess they don’t take other people’s children many places.

To be honest, I know you are all about the glorious 5-yr plan (sorry – a socialist, right?) but if you buy a bigger car it will be 1. higher purchase price, 2. more interest on your loan, and/or greater opportunity costs on that money you just forked over, 3. more petrol, 4. more insurance, 5. probably also higher maintenance costs, 6. possibly also higher registration costs, depending on how those things go in your area. If you do the maths, there is a very good chance you should buy for now and allow yourself to trade in as needed, even if it’s only a couple of years down the track, rather than sticking to the 5-yr thing. This is especially true if you are buying used rather than new (because you won’t get hit with the new-car depreciation). For your consideration.

The census thing is pretty poignant.

Happy P-… Pesach.


41 Battynurse { 03.30.10 at 11:07 am }

Happy P-satch.
I tend to be one of those people who buy cars based on what if. When I was looking at cars when I was finishing nursing school part of me wanted to get something fun like a Mustang and part of me wanted sensible so when I had kids I’d have a good car for it. Little did I know that several years down the road I’d still have no kids. That said I really do like my car that I got so it hasn’t been a mistake either. I hope you find something that works great for now and in the future.

42 Chickenpig { 03.30.10 at 1:51 pm }

We traded in one of our cars for a minivan after the twins were born, let alone our third. Most cars aren’t big enough in the back for two infant seats, and definitely no trunk room for groceries and a double stroller. When we had our third we just moved the boys’ seats to the far back. Our van is a gently used vehicle, so it didn’t set us back very far.

As a historian I use the old census’s all the time to gather information. But there are so many questions left unanswered by them as well. I found in the 1880 census that my great, great grandmother had a teenage son who had her maiden name. I thought ‘hmmm….’ . Last weekend my mom actually found her family bible in a bunch of old papers, and the boy’s name was penned in under births…on a separate page from the rest of her children. Also among the births was a little girl, who only lived to be four. Her birth and death was right between census years. Tucked in the pages of the bible were morning poems, prayer cards, and a beautiful swatch of black silk fabric. It brought tears to my eyes. Her name was Kathie Louisa.

Happy P-satch. Have a wonderful holiday! And a happy Easter to those who celebrate that also.

43 andrea { 03.30.10 at 5:39 pm }

I think people who aren’t in living in the world of “if, maybe I conceive” have no idea of the huge bearing of that big IF in decision making! I bought a mazda 3 sedan, thinking baby rather than dog/hatchback. No baby. We bought a house TODAY! with extra bedrooms, but not a good school district. If we DO have a baby, we still have 5 yrs to move to a better district. YES, I bought the extra big luggage FIVE YEARS ago, and honestly, still don’t need it. The lesson? YES: LIVE IN THE NOW. BE HAPPY IN THE MOMENT> thank you,

44 Leah { 03.31.10 at 10:13 am }

I got nuthin. At the end of last year, we bought a minivan and I’m so freaking happy with it that I can’t see straight. But you specifically told me that you don’t want to hear that minivan crap, so essentially I got nuthin. Except that when we go to Hershey, we can all ride in it and have a blast! 🙂

45 V { 03.31.10 at 10:40 am }

I just bought a Mazda 5, it drives like my old Corolla and doesn’t use that much more gas. It’s not too big but I can fit 4 comfortably with lots of cargo room. I can also get the car seat in and out without smacking my head against the roof, so bonus there. On any given day I tote around my one, and my sister’s two kids, and they love it. Each person gets their own seat, so there’s no “he’s touching me”, and the like. Although it can seat six, the two in the rear have to be small kids or really short adults because there’s not much space and then all your cargo room is gone. I’m still getting over the trauma of buying a “van”, although technically it’s a station wagon, though that doesn’t make me fell much better.

46 Meghan { 03.31.10 at 11:40 am }

We are having the same discussion right now. G is 5, new baby C is 9 weeks. I drive a Jetta (lovelovelove) and there just isn’t enought room. Period. Hubby has a Highlander, and I took it last week when we were bringing someone home from preschool with us. Technically it’s on a Camry frame. The third row is tiny for adults and kills your cargo space when up, but fine for kids and when folded down the trunk is SUV-like. I like that the back seats slide forward and back independently. There are lots of spots to put things–it’s a passenger mom’s dream for road trips. Not too high off the ground. I personally am not wild about how it drives–I liked our Trailblazer better. But my Jetta is too teeny for two, never mind bringing friends home. I am SOSOSO resistant to the minivan, but I feel myself drifting there…

I had the same thoughts about the census. And I was so unbelievably grateful to be able to add C. Didn’t think it would happen. I’m still hesitant to even think of us as 4, like it might get taken away somehow.

Good luck making your decision! And I’ll second the gently used option in terms of not locking yourself into something with huge depreciation. We had excellent luck with Carmax when we lived in the DC area.

47 Missy { 03.31.10 at 8:12 pm }

Another option: they make some cars where there is a switch in the glove compartment that allows you to disable the passenger side airbag. This should allow you to put a child in the front passenger seat should you find yourself with an extra loud mouth kid.

48 jodifur { 03.31.10 at 8:48 pm }

My mom always says you plans for the future. They just redid their whole house and made it handicap accessible b/c “what if” No one is handicap.

That being said, a close friend has been trying for her second for 4 years. When her first was 1 she got a minivan b/c she was going to get pregnant any minute. 2 miscarriages, numerous treatments, you know the drill. Nothing. 4 years later they gave up hope. They sold the minivan. A month later, she was pregnant. No loss, everything is going well, knock on wood.

Get the small car, deal with what happens next, when it happens next.

Happy Passover. 2 days in and I really miss bread.

49 Christina { 04.01.10 at 6:21 pm }

wanted to put in a plug for the Toyota Highlander Hybrid. Although it is an SUV, the hybrid is good for de-guilting some of my socialist tendencies, and it is built on the chassis of a Toyota Camry so drives really easily and has a decent third row–when it is functioning, there’s still some trunk space that we can fit a stroller in. We love ours. hope that helps!

50 cass { 04.04.10 at 11:46 pm }

When I bought my first NEW new car I got a Jetta Wagon, which I loved loved loved. Small, zippy, room to carry stuff around, etc. I thought, even then, “Hey, this will be the perfect car for us through our first kid, and by the time kid #2 comes around we may need to get something bigger.” And then when it (FINALLLLLLLY) came around to kid-time, we couldn’t fit 2 carseats in the back and had to upgrade in a hurry. Have a minivan now and it’s fine, but I don’t love it. Though the sliding doors are nice, and I know the Mazda5 has those, too. And I have a friend who drives one and loves it. I’m doing the next stage of this, too – if I’m not going to manage to add a baby (and therefore another car seat) to the car, then why am I still driving this hulking minivan? It’s like a constant reminder of all the extra space I have that I don’t need. Sigh.

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