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Can You Top This?

I am having oral surgery this morning, and by the time I read your responses, I will be on Vicodin.

Someone found my blog this morning by googling “crying sperm facials.”

How have they found yours?

P.S. I wonder what sort of additional Google searches this post will bring. I’m almost giddy to find out.

P.P.S. For those who clicked over expecting a different story, I decided to go with the second strangest thing discussed in the last 24 hours because the other story deserves more time than I can give it now.

Updated with a P.P.P.S. Y’all are supposed to be distracting me from the pain with your own weird Google searches. Prize for the winner? Off to the oral surgeon now…sniff…


1 Susy { 01.12.10 at 11:48 am }

LOL @ crying sperm facial! I wonder if it means the sperm are crying or the person getting the facial? Hope surgery goes well, and that vicodin makes it all better.

2 Chickenpig { 01.12.10 at 11:49 am }

Ok….Why is the sperm crying? Because it’s being used for a facial, I suppose, and not its desired purpose? After your oral surgery, maybe a relaxing sperm facial would be just the ticket….or not.

I hope your surgery goes smoothly. Enjoy the Vic.

3 Elizabeth { 01.12.10 at 11:50 am }

Oral surgery!!!!! ARG!!!!! Hope your recovery is quick. Ouchie ouchie ouchie.

4 Beautiful Mess { 01.12.10 at 11:50 am }

Good luck today! I hope the oral surgeon and Vicodin treat you well.

5 Priscilla { 01.12.10 at 11:51 am }

Hope your oral surgery is quick and painless as possible…thank goodness for pain killers!!!

Crying sperm facials?? All the images that come to my mind are both hilarious and horrid!!! Doubt that I’ll be trying one of those anytime soon!! 😉

6 S.I.F. { 01.12.10 at 11:52 am }

OK, I am now painfully curious what exactly a crying sperm facial is! And I got a hit this morning where the person had typed in “How do you know you’re infertile?” I was the top hit on the list. I thought to myself “Great. Now I’m the definition of infertility for all of Google.” I kind of wanted to cry, but then I saw this and felt better!

Good look today! I kind of look at all non-reproductive oriented surgeries as a break from the norm! It’s like “You mean you’re going in through my mouth and not my va-jay-jay? Sweet!”

7 karlinda { 01.12.10 at 11:55 am }

I don’t think I want to know what a ‘crying sperm facial’ is! We haven’t had too many weird ones, though I’m not sure how someone managed to find us from searching for ’60s artwork’, or what someone was hoping to find by searching for ‘egg born’.

Hope you feel better soon!

8 Christa { 01.12.10 at 12:13 pm }

Some ways my blog has been googled is “sex cancun” which yes, we had sex while in Cancun and “women with hairy arms”

9 Kymberli { 01.12.10 at 12:19 pm }

Good luck, and enjoy the Vicodin. That’s some good stuff.

Someone once found my blog by searching “can u get pregnate from eating sperms.”

I wish I hadn’t thought of that BEFORE I went to lunch. 🙂

10 Katie { 01.12.10 at 12:22 pm }

Someone found my blog by Googling “topless woman Phillies game.” I like the Phillies but I was never topless at a game… promise! 🙂 I’ve also been found by searching for “ovary jokes” and “i’m catholic and not a virgin.”

11 Palemother { 01.12.10 at 12:26 pm }

Hmmm. I don’t have any really good ones. When I check sitemeter, I do notice the keywords that bring people over.

The most memorable/insulting recently was … “Navel-gazing buddhist memoir.” I mean it’s okay if I call ~myself~ that … 😉 I would love to know if they were really looking for me. Doubts.

I always debate while I’m typing … if I should do the br_eak-it-up-wi_th-un_der_scores dance. It’s kind of abruptive, eh? You are going with the flow, reading a nice post and when you see the author’s inserted under_scor_es, suddenly you picture this little, cartoon google perv popping in the virtual blog door … Oh, sorry. Wrong link. As you were.

We should get twangypearl to animate him for us.

Feel better. XXOO

12 Michelle { 01.12.10 at 12:27 pm }

Good luck today. I don’t think mine top yours but here are the 2 that amused me the most:
first prostate exam (the word prostate is not present on my blog anywhere)
how do you know your pregnant instead of just fat (this one is interesting.)

13 liljan98 { 01.12.10 at 12:48 pm }

First of all: I hope the Vicodin is working! The most peculiar search term for my blog recently was “cheap prom souvenirs” and I have no idea to which post that search led, because I can’t remember ever writing about any kind of prom …

14 a { 01.12.10 at 12:52 pm }

Well, I did write about the boob hug, so it’s no wonder that showed up. Twice.

“Aunt put me in panties” is a rather odd search term. At least I know why I got that one (a response to Aunt Becky’s question of what word you hate most).

Nope, nothing quite so interesting as crying sperm facials.

When I had my wisdom teeth pulled, my dad took me. He got the biggest laugh over the fact that I was completely silent all the way to the oral surgeon’s, but all the way home I would not shut up. I think I got valium. Good luck!

Oh, and I second Palemother’s suggestion to get Twangy to animate a google perv!

15 Sonja { 01.12.10 at 1:00 pm }

Good luck!!

In the last couple of days, people have found my blog searching for “how to scare an 11 year old.” Granted having a hysterectomy is scary…but really?

Not sure about this one either: “don’t be scare to eat support”

16 Tigger { 01.12.10 at 1:02 pm }

One blog brought up: junior mints and moose poop

The other one is boring. Apparently it doesn’t track search terms all the way back to the beginning, because I know I had some really great ones.

17 Lara (NoodleGirl) { 01.12.10 at 1:03 pm }

Heh, I love those random google searches. some amusing ones I’ve gotten are:
“can i take ganirelix after having eyebrow threading done?”
“are mangos ok to eat in the luteal phase?”

Both clearly IF related, though why Google seems to think I’d have the answers to these pressing questions, I do not know. I’ve never discussed eyebrow threading OR mangoes on my blog. But the funniest, most random one so far has been:
“23rd street naked brooklyn murder”

I suppose I’ve mentioned being naked during ultrasounds, but the rest? Not so much 😉

18 IF Optimist { 01.12.10 at 1:12 pm }

I just turned on google analytics only about two weeks ago, so I don’t have a great number to choose from but I did have “if i am a drama queen” they found me – I am not exciting enough for crying sperm facials. I only wonder if you must cry first, or does sperm get in your eyes and then you cry? Should they just use visine instead? Hope your surgery went OK and that the drugs are doing their job.

19 Annie { 01.12.10 at 1:22 pm }

Hope you’re recovering quickly! I certainly can’t beat “crying sperm facial”. All searches going to my blog are exactly what I’d expect, except “torturous gyno exams”. I’ve never used that term, but yeah, there have been PLENTY of those!

20 Mrs. Gamgee { 01.12.10 at 1:48 pm }

Enjoy your vicodin and I hope your recovery time is a short one…

Most of the keyword searches I get are hobbit-related (no surprise there), so nothing that can really top your ‘crying sperm facial’ but there was one for an ‘easy hobbit recipe’. I certainly hope there aren’t people out there looking for ways to cook hobbits, otherwise I’m in trouble. 🙂

21 Kristin { 01.12.10 at 2:07 pm }

Hope you recover quickly.

My most bizarre recent search is the person who found my blog searching “jingle bells” “spanking time” . I think that scares me.

22 Terry { 01.12.10 at 2:32 pm }

Today people found my blog with Ilone Chovankova and boring stuff. I had a couple of weeks where someone found my blog with the words cunnilingus.

23 HereWeGoAJen { 01.12.10 at 2:33 pm }

Pornographic butterflies.

That will be all, thank you.

24 twangypearl { 01.12.10 at 2:35 pm }

Hrmmm. Stares out window, dreamily, searching for inspiration.. goo-ooogle pervert…. now what would he/she look like?

25 twangypearl { 01.12.10 at 2:48 pm }

Hope Vicodin is doing its job! Poor Mel.
(Sorry, was too busy being inspired to say!)

26 Melissa G. { 01.12.10 at 3:24 pm }

I’m totally lame and have no idea how to use the google anylitics or keyword search thing.

I just came by to wish you luck with the surgery and happy vicodin laced dreams. Hope you feel better soon.

27 laura { 01.12.10 at 3:34 pm }

I hope everything turns out well!

28 Mrs. Hope { 01.12.10 at 4:40 pm }

My current blog isn’t google-able, so the real puzzler is how someone at my clinic ended up there for half an hour yesterday?

Hope the surgery goes well.

29 Astral { 01.12.10 at 5:20 pm }

I hope your surgery went well. Take it easy 😉

30 JC { 01.12.10 at 7:01 pm }

I hope your surgery went well! I had a front tooth extracted today so I’m laying in my bed watching tv popping Oxycodone. =) We would be so fun together tonight I’m sure, lol!

31 Heather { 01.12.10 at 7:08 pm }

I got nothing, still.
The only thing today that was remotely interesting is “spelling:todays”
Clearly, this person is impervious to spell check.

32 MeAndBaby { 01.12.10 at 7:26 pm }

In today’s stats I have: “massive zit on pelvis symptoms”. Not sure what that means! And maybe I’ve use the word zit but never pelvis. Weird!

Sorry about the oral surgery. I am a complete baby when it comes to dentistry so I really feel for you!

33 Jamie { 01.12.10 at 8:51 pm }

I don’t have a google story, but I do have tons of empathy for you. I had a dental ‘procedure’ done today and I am currently suffering from PTSD. It’s just not right.

Right now, I’m just passing time until the Lortab kicks in.

34 Paz { 01.12.10 at 9:17 pm }

Oral surgery, sorry! Hope you are feelin’ OK, or at least drugged enough to not notice that you aren’t quite at OK.

hmmm, more google search terms… more!

35 Tonggu Momma { 01.12.10 at 10:02 pm }

I get all the guys who have Asian fetish issues at my blog. There have been MANY odd ones – some I don’t even understand (what the heck are “Asian punishment boots?”) – but the most common is “Wendy Calio naked.”

(And you’re welcome. Now they’ll come to your site, too. For this post.)

36 luna { 01.13.10 at 2:25 am }

oh I hope it went well and that you recover quickly. I may be right behind you. I am LONG overdue for an appt with a periodontist. yikes.

37 Guera! { 01.13.10 at 7:16 am }

This begs t he question “Who among us has not had sperm on our face at some point?”

38 Kir { 01.13.10 at 9:50 am }

Hope by the time you read this, you’re feeling better…or very medicated. Ie. Better. 🙂

I “Hear” that the crying sperm facials are very fashionable now, LOL.

39 Kristi { 01.13.10 at 12:17 pm }

I hope your surgery went well and you are resting peacefully.

40 MLO { 01.13.10 at 12:58 pm }

Hoping that you are better. I don’t have anything to add – best search I ever had was “steampunk knitting.”

I do remember when I had my wisdom teeth taken out. Do you remember the days of Zork? I had a Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy Game I was playing of the same type while watching Ghostbusters on TV with Tylenol 3 in my system. It was trippy.

41 Kate (Bee In The Bonnet) { 01.13.10 at 1:33 pm }

I usually have some really odd ones, but lately, the hits have been surprisingly on target: lots of questions about bloating, IVF, twins, progesterone in olive oil, various meds and procedures, or random strings of words with “bee” or “bonnet” thrown in, etc.

However, here are one or two that are quite funny:
-how do i tell wank in a room so no one can see me
-my best friend wanked in front of me

Um, yeah. I bet they were a bit disappointed to encounter a blog post related to getting ass shots in what turned out to be the wank room at my RE’s clinic. Not such good masturbatory images or advice…

42 Nicole { 01.13.10 at 2:57 pm }

I hope the Vicodin is keeping you comfortable and that you heal quickly!

I made the mistake of posting about my ’emotional diarrhea’ and now draw a ridiculous number of hits from people searching things like “when I take Immodium I poop great, without diarrhea” and “diarrhea at the same time everyday”. That, and someone asked Google, “Can babies grow off of dirt?”

43 Pundelina { 01.13.10 at 6:42 pm }

Oral surgery – eeeek!! I hope you’ve got lots of vicodin and that the pain is manageable. The best search to hit my shores was

“can i wear heels when having lucrin fertility treatment?”

You can wear heels if you can darlink, for me the heelses hurt.

44 Tonggu Momma { 01.13.10 at 11:11 pm }

I forgot to say… Wendy Calio (of “Wendy Calio naked” Google search fame)? In case you don’t know, she’s an actress… ON THE DISNEY CHANNEL. Which just makes the whole thing even more disturbing.

45 Bionic Baby Mama { 01.14.10 at 2:02 pm }

hadn’t looked at my google searches in a while, so thanks for the happy realization that i’ve found a niche!

constantly thinking peeing on things

dying pee

lesbian pee blogspot

need to pee legs crossed

thinking about peeing

thinking about peeing makes me have to pee

(though there’s a special place in my heart for “how to touch my cervix and not freak out”.)

46 Bea { 01.14.10 at 5:09 pm }

Some of these are gold.

I hope you’re feeling ok!


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