172nd Friday Blog Roundup
I found out this week that my childhood friend’s brother died and it has affected me disproportionally for how close I’ve been with the family in the last 15+ years–sort of like finding out Ramona Quimby was gone…or perhaps the more accurate analogy is Henry and Ribsy.
He was one of my first big crushes (my first crush goes to Danny from nursery school whom I loved because he was so little and sweet. I loved him so much that I didn’t call him Danny because I didn’t like that name and called him Benny instead). When I slept over my friend’s house, I always hoped that her brother would accidentally walk into the room and see me changing into my Strawberry Shortcake nightgown. He was three years older and I’d write about him in my diary, recording the passing things he said to me as he walked through our marathon Barbie games.
I looked up his obituary to see his picture, and he aged exactly as I thought he would. Still cute. He had a kind-looking wife, two beautiful daughters. The last time I spoke to him was about 15 years ago when I was trying to decide whether or not to apply to the grad school program he was currently completing. The last time I spoke to his sister was probably close to 10 years ago by now. It didn’t feel that long until I started to do reunion math in my head.
It feels wrong to pop out of the woodwork to offer condolences and it feels equally wrong to know and not send her condolences. I looked her up on Facebook, and there was an entry, but I wasn’t sure if it was her because she wasn’t connected to any of our mutual friends. I have her work address and can mail a card there. It feels both wrong and right.
He’s someone that I hadn’t thought about for years–she is someone I haven’t thought about much either–but hearing the news from my mother made me feel again like that little girl waiting to be noticed in her friend’s kitchen. It made me wonder about all my other past crushes and when did I age into a space where some of them might not be alive anymore. My heart is just with his wife and girls, as well as my old friend who is now without her big brother.
The Weekly What If: Google and Facebook sometimes give you the ability to peek in on the lives of past crushes, though I’ve found that a bunch have seemingly disappeared into the ether. If you could get a picture and one paragraph biography of any past crush delivered to your inbox (so you won’t have to face your crush–you’ll just get to peek at them from afar), who would it be?
I think, for me, I would choose my sophomore year boyfriend from high school. I Googled him today and came up empty-handed (though his twin brother is on Facebook). I found Danny/Benny as well as my eighth grade boyfriend (my first straight boyfriend) who did not age well at all. At all.
Creme de la Creme is continuously being updated. Whenever I update the list, I post the date and time in the top right corner of my blog. I also try to remember to send out a Tweet.
Aaaaah, the ring. As of writing this, I don’t have news one way or the other and without something to actually celebrate, it feels wrong to get the ring. My plan right now is to wait until Saturday morning (giving myself through tonight) to call the store and tell her to put it out. I’m going to ask her to write down every detail she can about the ring and order one for me in the future. If not, I’m at a place of peace to let it go and wait. She has so many beautiful things in her store that if it isn’t that ring, it will be another one. I’m actually sort of surprised at my zen-like state right now, but I feel like a ring will be floating onto my hand in the future. And right now, I’m just concentrating on that feeling.
And now, the blogs…
I liked this post by The Infertile Breeder about retroactive pregnancies. In explaining how pregnancy time is counted, she states that she could already be pregnant even though she hasn’t even gotten to transfer yet. “In the present tense, this is utterly 100% untrue (not to mention physically impossible). But I truly hope that Dr. Snaggletooth will do a little time travel and make it so.”
Barren Albion has a post to mark her five-year blogoversary about how she has changed as a blog writer. It’s a mellower Ms. Prufrock, one who now approaches her blog as a comfortable friend, one who is constant and enduring. I love how she has changed and found that peace within writing over the last five years.
This post by Heeeeeeeeeeeeeere, Storkey Storkey touched me for the sheer brutal honesty in it. In fact, this entire week has been filled with good, angry, venting posts that work through the frustrations of treatments–the equivalent of throwing a plate against the wall.
Serenity Now has a post about the new ideaon her bucket list. You’ll need to click over to see what it is, but I think it’s the perfect attitude of doing something entirely for yourself, within your control, to make yourself happy. Anything else after that is just gravy.
Lastly, Six Months (At a Time) has a post about finding infertility blogs. I’m assuming all of us have experienced this at some point (unless we’re Ms. Prufrock and we were there when the ALI blogosphere was erected 3000 years ago)–that feeling of “holy shit–there are others out here like me who get it.” She’s right now screaming into the ether for someone to hear her, and it would be wonderful if more people can go over and let her know that her words have been heard.
The roundup to the Roundup: Remembering an old crush. Answer the Weekly What If about your old crush. The Creme is still being updated. No news means no ring. And lots of great blogs to read.