Comments on: The Online Bystander Effect

By: Megan

Megan — Fri, 08 Jan 2010 02:50:09 +0000

Weird. This week’s Law & Order: SVU addressed the topic of the bystander effect, and it made me recall this post. You’re so ahead of the curve, Mel.

By: Battynurse

Battynurse — Sun, 27 Dec 2009 19:54:46 +0000

I have to say that if I came across a blog post where the person seemed depressed and distressed, asking for help, most likely I would leave some sort of comment or something reaching out to them. The exception maybe would be if there were already like 400 comments like you mentioned and then I would tend to think that my comment wouldn’t be read. For the most part though yes, I would comment. I know what it’s like to be that depressed. I also know very much what it’s like to be that depressed and to feel like you have no one to talk to and to desperately need someone to just talk to you and be there. I once received a phone call at a time that possibly could have been life saving in that I don’t know what would have happened later that night or the next day if that person hadn’t called. When I see others struggling with depression I want very much to help them with it.

By: chrissy

chrissy — Sat, 26 Dec 2009 18:00:07 +0000

wow! what an interesting concept, I often think that of your blog, I will lurk but know you have a lot of comments, so I think oh well what does mine matter or what will I say that someone hasnt already, or i will read the other comments to make sure I dont say the same thing, so didnt do it this time, just commenting, now off to read more about the bystander effect, human behavior fascinates me!

By: Orodemniades

Orodemniades — Fri, 25 Dec 2009 02:17:49 +0000

I need to add that in no way do I feel responsobility for her death, nor the deaths of other friends in the chat-o-sphere. Those were their choices, not mine.

By: Orodemniades

Orodemniades — Fri, 25 Dec 2009 02:16:26 +0000

I once saved a woman’s life after she decided to commit suicide with pills and alcohol. She was someone I’d met in a depression support chat room, and some months later, in real life, and some months after that I called the state police after she told people, live in chat, what she’d done. She was Canadian and was traveling down south, so all I had was her name and town she was in.

The police found her and got her to the hospital and she returned to Canada.

But, she was a person actively trying to commit suicide. That wasn’t her first attempt, but it was her next to last, for the next time she tried it, she did die.

So, yeah, I’d rather take the flak for “wasting time” or being embarrassed than have someone I know die because I did nothing.

By: monica lemoine

monica lemoine — Thu, 24 Dec 2009 10:52:00 +0000

Interesting post as usual, Mel. Honestly, I haven’t encountered (or don’t recall, at least) coming across a blog post as extreme as the 911-example you point out . I’ve gotten some direct e-mails from super-depressed people who read my blog and have left me a bit worried, and I’ve written back to them and said (I hope) the right things. I’ve also posted some super depressed posts myself, and have gotten back loads of lovin’ kindness from readers, which has gotten me thru some hard times.

My sense is that people in the TTC/KuKd blog world are oftentimes seeking help of some sort simply by posting a blog. Not emergency do-or-die help, but at least some kind of affirmation, some support, some virtual love. And yeah, I think that leaving comments help with that. On the other hand, I’m hesitant about this idea of readership responsibility to leave comments for any reason at all. There are lots of blogs that I dip into from time to time – or even follow regularly -without leaving comments. I simply haven’t the time/energy/thought-power to comment on every single thing I read, or even most things I read. Also, with increasing overload of information on blogs and elsewhere on the web, it gets harder and harder to sort out what to take seriously. In the case you describe, I might react differently – but then again I might frankly wonder why this gal is wasting her time on Twitter instead of talking to some real mental health counselors for help. I think there are limits in the blog-o-sphere to the kinds of human relationships it can create – and unless I really, really, really love person’s twitter-feed or blog and follow it regularly (and have for some time), I’m not sure if I would take a tweeted call for help seriously.

Good food for thought, though – and something to keep in mind as I continue perusing this vast, wiley web-o-land!

By: Bea

Bea — Wed, 23 Dec 2009 23:29:36 +0000

I know I am less moved to comment when there are lots of comments. I have had a little conversation with myself a couple of times, and I usually make it a policy to comment anyway – but I have to have the conversation with myself first, whereas if there’s no or few comments, I don’t. Mostly, though, I base my response/likelihood of response not on number of comments, but on how well I know the blogger (unwritten social contract). I tend not to read much from people I don’t know these days, but there are always links to follow (eg from LFCA) so it does happen, albeit I am usually badly out of date by then (which also affects the likelihood of my commenting).

I have to say, though, I have never come across a real danger/crisis blog/tweet/etc that I know of. I can only assume the same rules apply, but I have previously heard of the bystander effect and I hope that knowledge would prompt me to take action even if there were 400 other comments.

Bea

By: Manapan

Manapan — Wed, 23 Dec 2009 18:14:27 +0000

I would try to say something, both because I’ve been there, and because I’m from a small town that held the record for the highest per capita teen suicide rate in the country. Suicide prevention has always been a part of life here, though I do worry that I’m not doing or saying the right thing. How far I would go, however, is dependent on a few factors that really do kind of boil down to the crowd effects in action.

Am I a regular reader? If I am, I’m more likely to know something about the person’s typical status. If I’m not, is this a large, commonly-frequented blog? If so, others know much more about this person than I do and can offer better comments. So in that case, a general “Thinking of you, hoping you can climb out of this dark hole soon, and please remember that depression is a self-limiting illness and it does end, so please don’t do anything rash because I guarantee that there are people who love you, and here’s the hotline number.” Just the same thing I would tell anybody, really.

If it’s a smaller blog or one I read often, I’d be much more likely to describe what I went through, what specific steps I took to come through it, try to make a personal connection, and offer up my contact info for support.

By: Eileen

Eileen — Wed, 23 Dec 2009 17:33:07 +0000

Excellent post Mel. I had a situation where a former student of mine posted something very cryptic as their Facebook status message. She had a history of suicide attempts when she was a student at my high school. I did not have access to her phone number or address. I spent about an hour going through all my past rosters looking for friends of hers who I could call to get her information. I was distraught. When I finally got a hold of her father I asked if could speak with her and he said “She is sleeping right now. Can I take a message?” Of course I was then torn between panicking the father, and worrying that she was harming herself in her room and no one knew. So I finally told the father that it was urgent that I spoke with her right then and he reluctantly went up to her room to retrieve her. She was thankfully alive, bu after talking on the phone to me admitted that she had a bottle of pills sitting on her bedside table that she was going to take. I will always wonder what would have happened if I didn’t care enough to spend the hour it took me to track her down. Would I have spent the rest of my life knowing that I could have been the one person to keep her alive? I never ignore cries for help like that. Otherwise you are doomed to a life of “What Ifs?”

By: Palemother

Palemother — Wed, 23 Dec 2009 16:35:44 +0000

When I first read this post, I overlooked the emphasis on situations that imply immediate physical threat. Maybe because, as you point out, we don’t often have enough information that would allow us to intervene in a physical, IRL way.

Still, I think The Bystander Effect is really interesting to consider as it applies to commenting and blogging.

Since my commenting time is often limited, I tend to reserve it for the blogs where I think it will give the biggest bang for the buck … which is most often on blogs with less than 20 or so comments per post (but it’s not strictly about those numbers — not at all). I also comment most regularly where I already have an established connection/conversation with the author — for the sake of tending to that relationship and encouraging good bloggers … And I also comment where there is something in that person’s writing or their experience that moves me to interact/share info/offer support on the spot.

Mega popular bloggers with many commenters … have a sort of celebrity status that has a dampening effect on commenting. I often think, rightly or wrongly, that

a) What I might have to contribute will be redundant or lost in the crowd — it seems harder to add value for my effort

b) the author already has an abundance of validation and support, so abstaining seems less consequential (that’s huge)

c) It starts to feel like writing fan mail … with so many voices/comments clamoring for the attention of the author, what is the point of reaching out? Why am I reaching out?

So there is a kind of value calculation to most commenting for me. I am like that in real life, too. I don’t speak just for the sake of hearing my own voice. And I don’t have to say everything that I think out loud. (That’s what my own blog is for lately LOL).

What we owe bloggers that we read in terms of support is a ver complicated, very interesting question. And whether I give it on any given day, and to whom I give it to … that’s a brand new calculation every single time, with variables almost too numerous to list.

The longer I blog and comment, the more the comment question boils down to … which is the bigger regret? The things you say or the things you don’t say? I’ve been burned both ways.