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Snow Day

To the person who found my blog by googling “how to throw sperm higher”…I am so sorry.  You were probably in a great mood, tossing your sperm around, hoping to perhaps make it an Olympic event, looking for that technique that would get it even higher in the air.  And instead of finding directions on how to flick your penis to get the sperm directly onto your ceiling, you were confronted with tales from my Uterus of Doom.  Sperm go in there never to be seen or heard from again.

I’m not sure how I ended up being the #1 ranked site on Google for that phrase.

Snow Day

Today is a snow day.  It started last night; huge, soft flakes that are piling up on the trees and bushes.  I have to go downstairs to start the soup in a few hours.  Butternut squash soup with homemade breadsticks and a salad.  Snow food.

They are saying that this storm will be as bad as the one that hit the East Coast in 2003.  I was stuck in Detroit for several days at my friend’s apartment because I couldn’t get a flight back.  It was right when we were starting treatments and I finished up a cycle while I was there.  I randomly bumped into a person I knew from college who was my age and already had three children.  The next day, my friend had to go to work and I spent the day deep in grief, watching old episodes of ER and organizing my friend’s linen closet.  I vacuumed every crevice of her apartment and then took apart the vacuum and cleaned out every piece.  That’s how I spent the last huge snow storm.

I’m not really good with being snowed in, but if I had to be snowed in somewhere, her apartment was a good place.  It would also be nice to be snowed in with my siblings or one of my sister-cousins.  And entering into an idealized space, I think it could be quite nice to be snowed in with Jon Stewart.  He’d probably be very amusing and narrate our games of Mah Jongg.  And it could be fun to be snowed in with the Beatles (er…pretending the Beatles are all still alive) and have them sing to us as well as join us in our daily meditation time.  And being snowed in with Alton Brown would be delicious because he’d not only help us cook really interesting things based on what we have in our pantry, but he’d also probably give us all these really interesting tidbits of information with the recipes.  Plus, he could clean out our kitchen utensil drawer.  Oh, and the Mythbuster guys because they’d probably be handy to have around if we lost power.

On the other hand, it is sort of a nightmare of mine to be snowed in with Brad Pitt.  Or Paris Hilton.  I would also probably weep openly if we ended up with a stranded entomologist if he was carrying any bugs with him (I once lived with an entomologist, but she never brought home any work so it was okay.  Plus, she decorated our apartment with bead curtains which sort of canceled out the fact that she touched crickets all day).

Who are your ideal snow-in compatriots–either people you know or people you imagine would be good people to be stuck with in a storm (or come up with a list of both and why)–and who would be a snowed-in nightmare?


1 Erin { 12.19.09 at 5:27 pm }

Oh Mel.. thats hilarious!! Their poor little spermies probably shrivelled up on sight. (which of course is not what any of us IF’ers want).

Ah the freedom to toss sperm willy nilly instead of frantically saving thousands to have it imported from the US… anyway I digress.

snowed in is a fairly foreign concept to me, living in Queensland Australia.. so I will think of “being hurricained in”… I would probably invite James Campion… pick his brains for all his filmaking ideas.. um, Jamie Oliver who could cook for my OH and keep her occupied and the London Philharmonic to play to me… as long as they all stayed in the spare bedroom 😉

2 a { 12.19.09 at 5:40 pm }

I really just want someone to come and shovel snow with me…so I guess, Mike Rowe? He works hard. Seems like everyone else famous would be too delicate to shovel my long ass driveway. That’s the first order of business in any snowstorm.

3 Sunny { 12.19.09 at 5:56 pm }

No doubt, must be snowed in with Joel McHale. He is such a cutie and absolutely hilarious. I would probably curse the sun when it melted the snow. 🙂

A snowed-in nightmare… hmmm. Would have to be my husband’s coworker. Actually, I do really like this guy, he has a great heart, he’s super friendly, has some interesting things to say, etc. HOWEVER. He talks and talks and talks and talks and talks. Very animated and there is not 2 seconds of silence when we spend time with him. Which I do appreciate on one level, since I tend to be introverted and don’t like to feel like I am carrying the conversation all evening. But when he leaves after only a few hours, I breath a sigh of relief and need to sit down by myself for a minute to recover. My head would probably explode being snowed in with him for a long time period. The walls… they are closing in!!

4 Kim { 12.19.09 at 6:22 pm }

I’d love to be snowed in with my SMT and TH, my two favorite people. Uninterrupted play time with no reason to leave the apartment sounds like bliss!

The nightmare would definitely by my SIL and BIL. I think I’d want to tear their eyes out by about Hour #2.75.

5 The Steadfast Warrior { 12.19.09 at 6:29 pm }

Hmmm, we rarely get enough snow in Vancouver to prevent us from getting out, excluding last year of course, that was just nuts! However, if I had to be stuck with certain people, my favourite would be my friends C and D. They’re awesome and we can talk for hours about nothing and everything without ever having awkward moments. if I was to be stuck with someone I haven’t actually met, I’d choose Micheal Buble. Not only could he keep us entertained with his awesome voice but he’s hilarious and a fellow Vancouverite to boot.

As for nightmares waiting to happen, I’d scream if I was ever stuck with, oh I don’t know, our Prime Minister (boy THAT would be a long night) or several people I knew from high school. Oh please, no. Shoot me now…

6 Billy { 12.19.09 at 7:11 pm }

Not snowed in, but… you brought back memories of being boxed in in 1991, actually more of the threat in 2003 (you know, this little rocket throwing game some nations have..). 2003 would have been boxed in in a little room with my mother, that would have been pretty bad!
As for who I would want to be snowed in with – I think I’d go with king David just because 🙂 and then there’s king Salomon because he is so wise, and any of the great philosophers (of any time period) will do – but only ONE, I do not want them talking between themselves and me sitting nearby not having a clue what they are going on about.
As for the who not, I guess any celeb is a not for me.

7 Myndi { 12.19.09 at 7:16 pm }

Hmmm…Got caught in the Denver Holiday Blizzard 2007 with a group of 7 co-workers…we nearly missed Christmas with our families…talk about teambuilding. 🙂

Having been caught up in a snowstorm, I’d have to say my husband, my BF and her husband, and Bill Maher… he is audacious and opinionated and funny… great entertainment.

My worst nightmare? Being trapped all that time with my Mom. One of us would be dead before the snowstorm was over.

8 PJ { 12.19.09 at 7:58 pm }

I think we got over 20 inches of snow. I spent the day inside, and still have my flannel pajamas on! Most of all, I gestated… because that’s what I do best these days. 😉 But I cooked and grazed and read and watched too much T.V. and played on the internet too much. It was glorious! My husband was home, and though he’s a little cranky this evening, he’s definitely who I’d most like to be snowed in with. 🙂

I would detest being stuck at the airport, or worse as so many have been in my area, stranded in the car along the interstate.

Keep warm. 🙂

9 Jendeis { 12.19.09 at 8:38 pm }

Just semi-dug out my car – we’re at about 20 inches by us and it’s still snowing. The plan, assuming we can get out of here, is to drive up to NJ tomorrow for my uncle’s funeral on Monday.

I would love to be snowed in with Bill Bryson and Malcolm Gladwell, so that they could relate interesting stories of travel and genius and society. And while we’re in reality, I’d like to be snowed in with Jamie Fraser from Outlander for all the above and…you know.

Nightmare scenario (right now) would be being snowed in with my mother-in-law. It felt like that today since she was calling every half-hour to see how I was. “Annoyed at you” did not seem like an appropriate response.

I also would not want to be snowed in with Stephen Colbert, because even though I love him, I’m pretty sure he’d get rip-roaring drunk and would not. shut. up.

10 Barb { 12.19.09 at 9:12 pm }

I would LOVE to be stranded with Jon Stewart! He’s adorable. 🙂

11 Tonggu Momma { 12.19.09 at 10:15 pm }

We’ve got a driveway that fits at least six cars. We’ve shoveled it twice so far. So I’d have to say Mike Rowe. Because he would shovel me out. And it truly IS a dirty job because he’d have to listen to me whine… a lot. I hate snow.1

12 Kristin { 12.19.09 at 11:34 pm }

Paris Hilton or any of the Kardashian girls would definitely be on my nightmare list.

If I was snowed in, I would love to be with John Barrowman (oh drool), the lead singer of Train (why can’t I remember his name but oh what beautiful music), maybe Anne McCaffrey (I just love her books)…I could go on and on.

13 Meim { 12.20.09 at 3:32 am }

First of all – I HATE snow. Which is lovely living in the Salt Lake Valley. Lake Effect ROCKS! (not!)

However, my Munchkin and Hubby are huge fan of the white stuff. I love watching them tackle each other in to huge piles of frozen flakes, that turn them into mobile snowpeople. And, I adore the smell of homemade hot cocoa.

And, since you brought it up and it sound scrumptious – care to share the recipe for Butternut Squash soup? Trade ya for an awesome cocoa recipe!

14 Sam { 12.20.09 at 8:40 am }

Well, if I couldn’t be snowed in with my family then I would have go for being snowed in with Patrick Stewart – I think that he’d have so much to say. Either him or perhaps Marlee Matlin – I’d love to have a chat with Marlee Matlin.

15 LJ { 12.20.09 at 10:09 am }

I think we all know who I would want to be snowed in with and who would be my snow-in nightmare. Or would I be hers? MUAHAHAHAHA.

16 Sonja { 12.20.09 at 4:13 pm }

Since I live in MN, I’ve frequently been snowed in with my family. Last year I was snowed in with my brother and we spent the day cleaning and watching VH1 Classic, while getting calls from my grandma who told us how she weathered blizzards in the 1930’s. It also amused me when my cat believed it was my fault it was storming so she didn’t talk to me much that day. We would also have to go outside and help various people who somehow thought they could drive and would get stuck instead.

It would be fun be be snowed in with my friends. If I could choose anyone, however, it would be Tom Petty. Fictionally, it would be Lupin from HP.

17 Bea { 12.20.09 at 5:08 pm }

Maybe just our little family plus an internet connection?


18 caitsmom { 12.20.09 at 8:06 pm }

Ha! The opening paragraph had me laughing. I’m always amazed at what searches bring people to my blog, you this one was too too funny.

As for snow-in compatriots. My DH hands down. He’s the most fun ever and can keep me going with lots of interesting topics and other things of course.

19 Jen { 12.21.09 at 12:41 am }

Being a Cali girl, I’ve never been snowed in. But since I’m moving to Alaska, I think it’s a pretty good question! My husband and my dog would be great to snuggle in with on a wintery day. Wouldn’t mind Michael Rowe stopping by to tell us some stories! 🙂

20 Half of a Duo, Raising a Duo { 12.21.09 at 6:46 am }

I am DETERMINED to make iron commenter status this month.

Your blog is, was and always will b the first I read. Always.

I was cracking up laughing over the spermy thing. It is relevant to my recent entry about what it is like to be totally barren, actually.

I love being snowed in and we are in Jersey w/the Greek relatives for the hols. I am determined to check every blog on the list and comment when I can, amongst the mayhem of Greekness and walls of food.

Who would I love to swing by snowed in? My sons. They keep me laughing and loving. There is NO ONE better than the boys. The DH is good but he is gone frequently and I am used to him being gone. The boys have never left my side since the day they were born and released from the hospital.

Blessings to ALL OF YOU this New Year. Everyone in the land of infertility.

From this barren woman… the grey lady… who no one thought it possible that I would EVER be a mother, at my age… with the DH traveling, and twins to boot. I hope to give all of you hope.


21 Daria { 12.21.09 at 8:00 am }

Being in Florida, I unfortunately don’t get to see any snow, nevermind have a chance of being snowed in! But I am originally from New England, and have been stuck, in the cold, without power, for days at a time, so I know what you’re talking about.

I think, right now, I would really love to be snowed in with my husband. He doesn’t mind my kookiness when I get a little stir-crazy.

However, on the flip side of that coin – I would NOT want to be snowed in with his family. I do love them – but to me, a snow day is a mini-vacation. An excuse to do nothing. They would make it a day to clean the house or re-decorate something.


No, my husband is just fine with me…. =)

22 Jen { 12.21.09 at 8:18 am }

The spermies comment just cracked me up. I really needed that this morning. I’d like to be snowed in with my husband and little boy, but would not like to be snowed in with my family or his, LOL. I can tolerate about half a day with my family before we’re all fighting, and his family just gets on my nerves plain and simple.

23 WifeyC { 12.21.09 at 8:54 am }

Mel, you are hilarious!! I can’t say that I was doing any spermie Olympics over the weekend, but being in South Jersey, I was snowed in with 2 feet of snow. Snow day again today, since I’m a teacher and most schools are closed.

I would love to be snowed in with Curtis Stone. He cooks yummy dishes and makes them healthy, too. As for a snowed-in buddy nightmare, anyone hot-headed and “has to be right all the time.”

24 Rain { 12.21.09 at 9:13 am }

As someone who is rarely snowed-in (California), I would have to say that a few days snowed in with my husband and family would be wonderful. I honestly enjoy the snow and would love an excuse to do nothing but play in it.

If that weren’t possible, I would want to be snowed in with Gordon Ramsey so he could teach me everything he knows.

25 Annissa { 12.21.09 at 12:06 pm }

Um…. how does one throw sperm to begin with… er… never mind.. I don’t want to know!!!

Hummmmmmmm what hot hunka hunka to be snow trapped with… LOL… I’ll have to think about that. Maybe I’ll have to think about it and blog about it. Gordon Ramsey is at the top of my list too though!


26 Jen { 12.21.09 at 9:07 pm }

Well, we have no snow (very sad about that), and my husband is leaving for a high threat overseas post for a year in the summer. So, I would gladly have just our little family (us, kids & cat) snowed in together.
Would also love to know (I think) why someone was Googling that in the first place! Well, maybe not…

27 coffeegrl { 12.22.09 at 6:17 am }

Dreamy snow in = some very good friends of ours who live across the country from us. She is a great Chinese food cook and he is a hilarious person and their kids are adorable and we *never* get to see them as often or as long as we’d like. I’d also love to be snowed in with the cast of Glee. I want to do song and dance routines with them!

Nightmare snow in partner = any blustering politician (and oh there are so many) who just wants to talk my ear off and pander for hours on end

28 Battynurse { 12.27.09 at 3:42 pm }

If I had to be snowed in (and I’d rather not be thank you) I think my ideal snowed in guests would be some good books. I haven’t had much time to read lately. For having people around I would love to have my friends Jan, Rhonda and Bleu over.

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