This dis­en­fran­chised grief is when the grief is con­nected with a loss which can­not be openly acknowl­edged, pub­licly mourned or socially sup­ported. In many cases of dis­en­fran­chised grief, the rela­tion­ship is not recog­nised, the loss is not recog­nised or the griever is not recog­nised. The loss of a child through adop­tion is usu­ally a loss which can­not be openly acknowl­edged, which is why moth­ers often suf­fer in silence…people who have expe­ri­enced any type of loss often feel anger, guilt, sad­ness, depres­sion, hope­less­ness and numb­ness and that in cases of dis­en­fran­chised grief, these feel­ings can per­sist for a very long time. The lack of recog­ni­tion of their grief often results in them hold­ing on to it more tena­ciously than they might oth­er­wise have done

My feelings about it are this:
It is more important to me that steps be taken to make people aware of pregnancy and infant loss, to get them to donate to research into prematurity, to make sure they know all the things they can do (as much as possible) to ensure a healthy pregnancy and infancy than it is for someone to do something for me (other than spare a thought for Lennox and Zoe to keep their memory alive in a greater sphere than just me and my family). Yes, the loss of my children and my two subsequent pregnancies is something I live with every single day, but it matters more to me that we do everything we can to work to reduce the number of families who have to go through what Shannon and I went through. I think the needs of families who have experienced pregnancy and/or infant loss are so varied and personal that it would be difficult to say “These are the things you can/should do for someone in this situation” without it just being a generic list of things you would do to help anyone in a bad place. It might be more helpful to focus on empowering people who need it to feel ok about asking for what they need, to understand that you are allowed to say, “Hey, I’m in a bad place right now and this is how you can help me.”

I guess my strong feelings about raising money and increasing what little knowledge there is about prevention comes from that big, over-arching “Cause Unknown” label that hangs over the PPROM, Zoe’s death, and the two miscarriages. I just can’t stand that I don’t have answers and that maybe I would if there were more funds for more research and that if there had been more research maybe we would have known what to do.

Did that make any sense? I’m not disagreeing with your take on it, I’m just so wrapped up in the whole not having any explanations thing that I see any opportunity to get people to pay attention, to realize the extent that this touches lives around them, and to donate money to organizations like Resolve and March of Dimes as a really really good thing. And because pregnancy loss does tie in to infertility, I think it could help move the perception of infertility so that the general public might see it as a disease to be treated instead of just stubborn people desperate for children, which might help eliminate all of those misguided articles on ART and (hopefully) improve insurance coverage.

Ok…crazy rant over. I hope it makes a modicum of sense. Back to trying to fit five days worth of stuff into a carry-on bag!!

(Hope the flu leaves the Ford household quickly.)

First off, I’ve never been a shy one about discussing human reproduction or educating others on infertility, ever. It the subject comes up, I’m more than happy to discuss with the uneducated-take-their-fertility-for-granted masses.

My blog seems to reach people from many different areas. Those seeking answers outside the norm to address infertility. Those who see hope and inspiration that after decades of yearning and trying, I am finally, Half a Duo, Raising a Duo… decades after infertility hit me.

I am glad that you inclusive. I will be sending a friend of mine over here who is a traditional surrogate, and is now technically infertile. She had her tubes tied after her journey was over, confident her family was complete and that was the only journey she would ever embark upon.

The pull of helping other couples who are infertile, especially non-traditional families, turned her to becoming a gestational carrier. So she is infertile yet able to carry for others, to help create families.

I know you have others on your blogroll who are surrogates and am glad for that. I am glad you include every spectrum of infertility the means by which familes are built… especially after loss.