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For Those Times When You're Not Really Pregnant

I was speaking to someone recently and when the topic of infertility came up, they announced: “I know a person who is infertile (don’t we all?) and she had to go through artificial impregnation.” Artificial insemination, yes, you can place semen in the body through artificial means. You can even remove eggs and fertilize them and transfer them back into the body through artificial means. But since you can’t actually make implantation take place or hCG to rise or pregnancy to occur, what exactly is artificial impregnation?

When you’re carrying a robot?

When you’ve stuffed a few pairs of socks up your hoohaa to fill out your uterus for that almost-believable pregnancy look?

When you get that positive pee stick and then the negative beta…is that artificial impregnation?


1 The Bailly Family { 07.08.08 at 2:05 pm }

Wow… That’s a new one I haven’t heard before.

2 kate { 07.08.08 at 2:10 pm }

Heh. Uh, yeah, I’ve heard “implantation” misused before, but I’ve never heard “artificial impregnation”. If it wasn’t so wrong, it’d be HILARIOUS.

Wait, it’s actually hilarious anyhow.

3 Julia { 07.08.08 at 2:10 pm }

That’s all I’ve got. Sorry.

4 Kymberli { 07.08.08 at 2:12 pm }

Hmm…I’d have to say that artificial impregnation would be the opposite of what IFers do. If you break it down, im- can mean “not,” so impregnation would mean “the state of not being pregnant”. Therefore, artificial impregnation would mean “the state of not being pregnant achieved by artificial means such as BCPs, Nuvaring, Depo, etc.” IFers are just naturally “impregnable.” There’s nothing artificial about it.

5 Kymberli { 07.08.08 at 2:17 pm }

Just had to add…that’s one of the best terminology goofs I’ve ever heard.

6 Kate { 07.08.08 at 2:18 pm }

I have a friend with twins and people alwasy ask her “Are they natural?” As opposed to what? Silicon based twins?

7 Jen { 07.08.08 at 2:20 pm }

Oh, that’s a good one for the record books! Is someone keeping a list of these somewhere? We should publish a book some day!

8 Rebecca { 07.08.08 at 2:29 pm }

HA! I totally spit tea on the monitor on that one! You really need to warn people that drinking any liquids while reading your blog is dangerous!

…wondering what people are thinking…artificial impregnation! LOL

9 Shelli { 07.08.08 at 2:29 pm }

oh…. geez. really??

10 DD { 07.08.08 at 2:37 pm }

I bet that person thinks that women have “ovations” once a month, too.

11 Jill { 07.08.08 at 2:53 pm }

sounds like something scary out of a sci-fi movie

12 Mrs. Spit { 07.08.08 at 3:25 pm }

This is the same person who told me that Gabriel wasn’t really a baby because he died so shortly after birth, right?

I keep thinking that we should write “I’m an idiot – don’t listen to me” on the foreheads of these people – just so we can all be warned.

13 Io { 07.08.08 at 3:43 pm }

Yeah, this is for when we all fall in love the robots and have little cyborgs.

14 bleu { 07.08.08 at 3:52 pm }

I’ll take number 3 for a thousand Alex.

15 luna { 07.08.08 at 4:23 pm }

that’s a good one. what DID you say?

I’m feeling pretty impregnable. nothing artificial about it.

16 Joy { 07.08.08 at 4:26 pm }

Artificial, superficial, supercallifragilistical, I’ll take any kind of impregnation I can get.

17 annacyclopedia { 07.08.08 at 5:22 pm }

A few pairs of socks! That really made me laugh, Mel.

People are idiots.

18 katd { 07.08.08 at 5:43 pm }

HAHA. I totally loved my artificial impregnation. That’s one of the best I’ve heard.

19 Tash { 07.08.08 at 6:56 pm }

OMG, I’m laughing. And yet also thinking: Hmm. (You know, in that Homer Simpson kinda way?) Artificial impregnation. Where would that get me?

20 Kim { 07.09.08 at 9:40 am }

Oh my. People do come up with things don’t they? When I was originally pg with twins, I got asked if they were identical or paternal. Um, they are fraternal. Well I guess they are paternal and maternal too? lol

21 Piccinigirl { 07.09.08 at 1:51 pm }

wow, that’s funny and not funny all at the same time.
we always laugh at my poor SIL (whom I love I really do) who called it “stational diabetes” and she had Gestational Diabetes..so go figure, even going through it doesn’t mean you’ll get it right.

22 LJ { 07.11.08 at 8:59 am }

That reminds me of my grandmonster who called her son’s wife’s child (from another marriage) her “almost granddaughter”

23 Bea { 07.12.08 at 9:22 pm }

Ah, they’re cute, those fertile people sometimes, aren’t they?


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