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Where I Am Now

I intended to write an amusing recap of my appointment at the clinic. I intended to write the Lost & Found post as usual. I intended to read and return the emails in my inbox. I intended to do a lot of things today.

Instead, I have been digging out of a family crisis that has left me feeling extremely tiny and extremely unsafe. It has made me want to bubble wrap everyone I know and love. It has absolutely sucked. And I can’t really say more than that about it except that everyone is okay and no one is hurt. It has eaten up every minute of my day that was not spent catching up on the work I missed yesterday, sitting in the clinic waiting room, or crying in the front seat of the car.

Instead, I give you a post that I wrote and saved prior to having this enormous crisis poured into my lap. It feels very strange. I’m talking about community and all being welcome. All are still welcome; that isn’t what I mean when I say it feels strange. Maybe it’s the tone? I don’t feel light and bubbly right now. I feel like flat champagne. I’m not even champagne. I’m the dregs of coffee at the bottom of the pot that have been on the burner for the past 24 hours.

So, I apologize for the missing Lost & Found–it will be there tomorrow. And I apologize for the unreturned emails. I have to return to work stuff tonight. But I wanted to post this because I intended to post this before the crisis began. And then…well…my world sort of imploded. It is being fixed now, but…you know how taping things back together feels for a bit. Until you forget there was ever a time that there wasn’t reinforced tape on the object to begin with…

Old Title: So Close

We are so close to my extremely arbitrary goal of having 100 entries on the Creme de la Creme list. 100 entries isn’t even 10% of the blogroll list and the blogroll list is just a small percentage of the actual number of infertility/pregnancy loss/adoption blogs out there. There are probably hundreds that I haven’t found yet and, unfortunately, hundreds more that will be started this year (barring, of course, a huge virtual foot coming down to stamp out infertility).

This is the final nudge–hopefully the one to push those on the fence onto the list rather than shutting down your computer. The due date is somewhat as arbitrary as the goal of having 100 entries–if you send in your entry after December 23rd, it will still be on the list–but it is the deadline where I can guarantee that it will be on the list when I put it up rather than being added after the fact.

Ask others to help you pick it, grab a random post from October, or sit quietly with your archives weighing each entry–there are many ways to choose the link you send to the list. Some categories on the blogroll are woefully underrepresented. Where is the gay/lesbian point-of-view? Where are the secondary infertiles or elusively males (I think we only have one male on our list right now; thank G-d for Smarshy)? Check the list to see if your favourite blog is on it (it’s in alphabetical order) and if it’s not, go leave them a comment reminding them that their voice is important.

All of our voices are important.

Last year, without trying (since no one knew what others sent in), we created the most varied and far-reaching compilation of the infertile experience–from loss to the excitement of seeing two lines, from the bitch sessions about early morning wandings to how one woman knew it was time to step off the infertility roller coaster, from picking up your medications at the pharmacy to a couple wondering if they’re making the right choice to start IVF. And I think we can not only do that again, but do it better. Do it bigger, do it even more far-reaching, make sure everyone feels welcome and represented on the list.

I belong to this women’s group and the way we start every meeting is we go around the circle and everyone states what has happened in this past month or what is about to happen before the next meeting. And that’s sort of how I see this list. It’s our welcome table and everyone is sitting around it and we are going around the circle in turn. Everyone tells a single story from this past year. Something they thought or something that happened. It is a way to mark the year, to celebrate us, and even to hand to someone who wants to understand infertility. To turn to your friend and say, “you want to understand what this is like? Go here and read down the list and you’ll get a small taste of infertility.”

So if you’ve been wondering whether or not to submit a link, the answer is yes. And if you have already submitted your link, you can still help out by nudging others along (check the list first to see if they’re already on it). And if you can’t remember the details, check here.

Lastly, I’ve only found two blogs that have truly “closed down” in the past year. Where the person has clearly stated that they’re not going to post anymore even if they’re leaving their blog intact. Can you think of others? Have you closed your own? Please let me know so I can add you to the list and honour your blog. These are blogs that have stopped–not ones that have gone password protected or moved locations (unless the new blog is a different blog). Any that you’re missing right now?

Um…thank you.


1 Waiting Amy { 12.19.07 at 8:12 pm }

Mel, I’m so sorry that your world is all topsy turvey. I hope you are doing okay, and of course if there is anything we can do — just say so.

Shall I pour you a drink?

I promise, I’m off to pick a post for creme.

2 Paz { 12.19.07 at 8:21 pm }

geez mel. Hope everything is gonna be OK.


3 Sunny { 12.19.07 at 8:24 pm }

If you need anything let me know.

Dragging my feet on finding a post. I am afraid to read last years. So silly!

4 Jen { 12.19.07 at 8:28 pm }

Sorry you had a crisis.

We love you!

5 Stacie { 12.19.07 at 8:33 pm }

Mel, Sorry that things are in crisis mode right now. I do hope that it all settles down soon and you are able to get back in your safe zone. Sending a virtual hug your way…

6 Fertilize Me { 12.19.07 at 8:34 pm }

so sorry you are in teh midst or ends of a crisis! know I am thinking of you and your family!

7 Bea { 12.19.07 at 8:38 pm }

Hope things get patched up. I’m glad that’s an option. Even if it’s a lot suckier than not having a crisis in the first place.


8 loribeth { 12.19.07 at 8:41 pm }


9 Lori { 12.19.07 at 8:50 pm }

Oh, Mel. I wish I were there to help however I can…

Hope you’ve got some really great duct tape.

On the blog front, I am going to re-tell the story on Drama 2B Mama, starting after the first of the year. (Don’t know if you were considering it closed down or not).


10 A { 12.19.07 at 8:59 pm }

I am so sorry it’s all turned upside down for you. I really hope you get it all put back together and are able to move forward.


11 Elizabeth { 12.19.07 at 9:19 pm }

So sorry that you are going through a difficult time – Thanks for the update – I was wondering if something might be wrong when you didn’t post L&F as usual today. We’re here for you.

12 Susan { 12.19.07 at 10:57 pm }

I’m sending you hugs and good thoughts your way. I hope everyone is doing ok.

13 nancy { 12.20.07 at 1:32 am }

Mel, I can only offer up a ~hug~ through all these little bits and bytes that make up the internet. I am thinking of you during this time of crisis and wish and hope the best for you and everyone involved.

14 Ellen K. { 12.20.07 at 7:24 am }

So sorry about the family crisis. I hope everything will be OK.

15 Samantha { 12.20.07 at 7:33 am }

I’m sorry about the crisis. I hope things are okay. {hugs}

16 BethH6703 { 12.20.07 at 7:50 am }

so sorry that you’ve been forced in to crisis mode. you’re in my thoughts and prayers

17 Beagle { 12.20.07 at 8:01 am }

Thinking of you . . .

18 cmstovall { 12.20.07 at 8:51 am }

Praying for you during this difficult time. We are all here for you if/when you want to talk or vent or whatever!

19 inconceivablejourney { 12.20.07 at 9:55 am }

Worried about you dearie. Take care of what you need to take care of. We’ll be here when you come back.

20 Meghan { 12.20.07 at 10:01 am }

I’m sorry that you’ve got so much going on right now. Hoping it gets better quickly. I’ll be thinking of you all

21 Jendeis { 12.20.07 at 10:02 am }

Hope everything will turn out OK. Many hugs.

22 Ms Heathen { 12.20.07 at 10:13 am }

Just to say that I’m thinking about you, and hoping that everything turns out OK.

23 chicklet { 12.20.07 at 10:20 am }

I hope everything’s getting better today, and that your world’s a little less topsy turvy. It’s hard with everything else going on to also have whatever’s happened happen. Hang in there.

24 christina(apronstrings) { 12.20.07 at 10:26 am }

ohno!hope all is well, now. man! awful!

ok,ok, ok, i find some creme in my blog. which won’t be easy.

sending you sweet thoughts of wellness.

25 steinbockfrau { 12.20.07 at 10:32 am }

so so sorry that you are having to wade through some shit. Family stuff, in particular, is the WORST. & around the holidays no less…ugh!

Sending you & all in your bubble wrap much love and support.


26 lifefromhere { 12.20.07 at 11:00 am }

hope all will soon be well at home. and may your duct tape be replaced by the strongest reinforcements. ~luna

27 deanna { 12.20.07 at 11:24 am }

Thinking of you, sweetie……


28 Michell { 12.20.07 at 11:58 am }

I’m so sorry for whatever upheaval has ocurred in your life. I hope it all goes right way up soon.

29 SarahSews { 12.20.07 at 12:56 pm }

Mel, I’m sorry things are a scary and upsetting right now. Hope your world rights itself quickly and all returns to normal.

30 Dianne/Flutter { 12.20.07 at 12:58 pm }

Mel, I’m praying that peace comes back to you and your family. The family implosions are not fun. Sincerely sorry for all this (usually) unnecessary stuff.

31 B { 12.20.07 at 1:33 pm }


You are so generous in laying your life (mostly) bare on the blog. You are sane to NOT share things some times, and I respect you for it.

That said, I’m sorry that your world was turned upside down. I hate to think of you having to cry in the front seat of your car. Have been there, trying to mop up the evidence of crying with just one crappy fast food napkin.



32 Jess { 12.20.07 at 3:03 pm }

I’m sorry for whatever it was…I hope things are back right in your world soon.

Hugs and good thoughts!!

33 Summer { 12.20.07 at 3:05 pm }

I hope this crisis passes quickly for you, Mel.

34 sltbee69 { 12.20.07 at 3:49 pm }

I’m sorry that you’ve got a lot thrown on your plate all at once. I hope things get worked out peacefully and quickly for you. On a different note, if I had a post for you I would give it to you to help toward your goal of 100. I’m too new to blogging and I haven’t gone “there” yet in my blog.

35 Chris { 12.20.07 at 4:09 pm }

Hope everything is okay!!

36 Ms. Infertile { 12.20.07 at 5:10 pm }

I hope that things are getting better for you and your family.


37 Aurelia { 12.20.07 at 9:59 pm }


I’m thinking about you right now, and I hope you are okay.

If it was bad news at the clinic…email me, let me know. I’ve been there hon, and if you want to cry on my shoulder, I’ll listen.


38 Pamela Jeanne { 12.21.07 at 4:15 am }

so sorry, mel. hope things are looking much better at the end of the week than they were in the middle of it.

39 Flicka { 12.21.07 at 10:54 am }

Mel, I’m just catching up during a slow moment at work. I’m frightened at what’s happening to you, even though you’ve said everyone is safe and okay. I hope the bubble wrap comes and wraps you all. I’m so sorry for whatever is happening. I’ll be praying.

40 PCOSMama { 12.21.07 at 1:52 pm }

I’m so sorry to be late on this! I hope that everything has worked out ok by now and you and your loved ones are safe and happy again.

41 GLouise { 12.21.07 at 3:50 pm }

I am late on this, but I hope everything has been worked out. I hate to think of you crying in the car 🙂

42 Artblog { 12.21.07 at 3:54 pm }

Family problems, the winter blues, cold weather, none of it helps! Wishing all get back to normal very soon. A BIG massive hug from me too.


43 Kami { 12.21.07 at 4:40 pm }

I hope you and your family are doing better.

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