And as someone else has mentioned, one reason I think that readership goes up during bad times is that other bloggers tell their readers about the situation, because they know the person needs support. To some bloggers, I think this may seem like people rubber-necking a trainwreck, especially if they drop off after a while, but I don’t think that’s what’s happening for the most part.

Since I suffered so much loss in so little time, I don’t want to spend time reading about the very thing I want so badly for myself.

I’ll comment on a blog if someone needs a word of encouragment, but if they are happy and thriving … they probably don’t need my kind of support.

With the non-pregnancy blogs, it’s the same thing. I’ll post a comment if there is something I can relate to in the post. Sometimes that might mean commenting on the bad stuff, but it isn’t always like that.

At the same time, I tend to post more, like Tina, when I have time to do so. Sometimes I just have time to read, and other times, I have time to comment.

Most of my comment writing is when I have the time to do it – regardless of good or bad news. And, really, most of my commenting is to people I know right now – within my own little blog circle (not that I don’t read the other blogs I see linked here). I am new to blogging (6+ months now), so I am really just getting to know the blog-world and the people in it.

I post when I feel I can either help (regardless of the reason for the help or support needed), or share a funny story to match a funny story, or say Yeah! on something good going on.

Sometimes, though, it is easier to share on the bad-stuff, especially if you have “been there.”

Tina (who has to post as anonymous until Blogger allows Beta users to post to non-Beta blogs…)

I’m sure that most of it is whether or not you feel like you can relate, but I think now that we are aware that support is really needed through ups as well as downs, we can do a better job of supplying it. I know I will make more of an effort.

I know that I have a larger audience than reflected in my comments — a lot of friends who aren’t dealing with IF tell me that they read my blog, but they don’t comment, probably because they feel that they don’t have as much to offer. Sometimes I wish they would post, but I’m glad that they’re lurking.

When good things are going on – what else is there to say but – glad things are still going well?

As for the “phew glad it’s not me” I can’t say that that thought has EVER crossed my mind. Especially since well bad things tend to happen fairly frequently in regards to cycles with me. I’m okay with that and would never wish/want/or even think that if something bad happened to someone else that it meant that something bad wouldn’t happen to me. Primarily because I know better.

I also absolutely 100% agree with ~r- my heart physically constricts when I hear of someone’s misfortune and I wish with all my heart I can take their pain away. Or make it so it didn’t happen. For me, there is no “better them than me” at ALL.

The one thing I have been thinking about lately – and again, it’s only my opinion – is that in general, I feel like the IF crowd can sometimes be a pretty negative bunch. I have been having a hard time with my IF board lately for this very reason – to me it feels like everyone is focused (wallowing maybe?) on the pain and the heartbreak. And the anger. The “us” (infertiles) versus “them” (fertiles). The unfairness of it all.

It’s not always a bad thing, when someone is in pain or something negative happens they have a place to go to vent and kick and scream. Empathy for people’s situation is easy because we’ve all been there.

But when something positive happens? I feel like we’re sometimes so focused on the bad stuff that we almost can’t even see the good stuff. Or focused so much on conserving our energy for our own fights that it’s hard to stay involved in someone’s happiness.

Mind you, I am sure that I am guilty of this too. But I have been starting to force myself to see both the positive AND the negative.

Because it is SO easy in the Land of IF to just focus on the bad stuff.

But.

I am more likely to comment when things go wrong.

When things are going right I feel like they don’t need me to comment as much, and I guess I’m more self-focussed. If things are going really right, especially if I’m having a bad day, I read and walk away rather than type out an insincere, “Oh, how niiiiice!” Sometimes I come back later and make a genuine comment.

If things are going wrong for them, I feel I should say something even just to let them know I’m there, and hoping for them.

I’ve never felt relief that someone else is having a problem. I guess I don’t believe it couldn’t happen to me, just because it happened to them. I can honestly say this.

I have noticed the trend even on my own little blog, though. But I don’t write to get the most comments, and I’m fairly sure I have readers who don’t comment on every post, just like I don’t comment on all of theirs.

Bea